His ex wants closure - I’m pregnant

[seekingguidence92]

Hello, I’m 33 weeks pregnant. My partner is a long term (many year) friend who I fell in love with about 18 months ago as he was separating from his wife. She lives overseas and did during their very short marriage, no children).
she’s been refusing to sign divorce papers, pretending she has a lawyer, wants huge payouts etc despite it being a 3 year marriage, no assets to split and my partners 80k business savings.
she’s now saying she’s coming to england in two weeks for a friends wedding and she wants to meet my partner then for a coffee / drink to get closure. They’ve had many phone calls trying to agree the divorce - he agreed to 80% of his savings to get rid of her. Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it. We tried for many months to get back via Revolut but she changed all the details then withdrew all funds.
anyway….. she wants to meet him. I’m very very upset about this, he’s convinced it’s the only way to get rid of her and he’s scared of her / she’s a very dominating character. She does not know I’m pregnant. Any help!

@Fmlgirl
Another possibility is that the business that he is claiming was his was in fact her business. That would explain how she was able to easily access all of the money from the business.

All of this is speculation, and it is all based upon the words of a man who was not bothered by fathering a child with one woman while married to another. That does not make him a liar, but it does suggest that honor and integrity may not be his strong points.

They’ve had many phone calls trying to agree the divorce - he agreed to 80% of his savings to get rid of her.

He wants to be sensitive to her mental health as he thinks if he’s kind and give her what she wants financially she would go away.

My point has nothing to do with the theory that a bank may or may not have messed up, that's not relevant to the DP agreeing to hand over his savings. If anything it's a rationale for refusing to hand over any money, let alone an 80% share.

The point I'm making is that the two statements above, in which the DP has said he wants to be sensitive to his STBE's mental health by handing over 80% of his savings to make her go away, don't add up. Handing over money to make someone go away and being kind/sensitive to someones mental health are not one and the same thing. Sounds like deflection.

@TattoedLady
Much of his story sounds questionable at best. He may be incredibly inept in handling his affairs or he may be incredibly skilled at manipulating and dissembling the truth.

Whatever the case, there is an innocent child on the way who does not deserve to come into a confused and disordered environment. Also, there may or may not be a wife whose husband has treated her with some measure of disrespect and possibly yet another woman who may or may not have been told a number of partial or half truths.

It is a sad story no matter how it plays out.

Why the hell would anyone keep 80k in Revolut and not a fully protected business bank account?

There's a whiff of the catfish/scammer about it

@seekingguidence92 Has he asked you to give him any money for anything, or got you to let random people send money to your account?

I wouldnt believe everything he says if I were you. He's acting like a passive bystander in his own life, and only he knows the reason for that. If they were separated, how is it she had access to all his money anyway and was able to take such a large amount? & he's not pursuing a divorce, because he doesn’t want to. Its that simple. I suppose he's given you the crazy ex story and you've fallen for that too.

You won yourself a big prize.
Good luck with that.

This.

Plus regardless of your claims to the contrary you are the OW.

A long time 'friend' who you just happened to fall in love with 'while' he was separating from his ....pull the other one.

You'll be in her position in a few years.

So you got pregnant with a man only 10 months in, knowing he wasn’t even divorced and you’re shocked now there’s complications to that?

Either way, relationship wise I would be putting that on the back burner and concentrating on having a stress free rest of your pregnancy. To co parent when it is born but rethink this relationship.

You've been together 18 months and you're already 9 months pregnant?

Plus all the financial details, as everyone else have said, just don't add up!

My ex had a way with words to make others feel sorry for him financially (me included). The reality was entirely different but by the time I'd realised, I was signup out of pocket.

It sounds suspiciously like he's spinning a yarn!

I would bet everything I own on the fact he's lying to you.
Unfortunately you seem to have your head firmly in the sand - wake up none of it rings true.

80k of business money in a revolut account for starters should ring alarm bells, never mind anything else. Are you very young?

Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it. And let me guess, you’re financing him while he struggles to get his money back.

OP nobody keeps business savings in revolut.

when you say he was a friend, exactly how do you know him? Because this reads like an episode of for love or money.

either she’s another one of his victims who he’s playing, or she’s part of the scam.

my guess is that he’ll “meet up with her” and then come back saying that for a certain amount of money she’ll go away. Except he doesn’t have it because he’s already given it to her So you’ll need to help him out.

how much money have you given him?
do some digging OP. Start by doing a reverse image search on his picture and searching his name.

You are being completely mugged off. If the divorce is done via solicitor there is no way they would allow him to pay her off like this.

She stole 80K, the police should be waiting for her instead. You stay out of it, it's none of your business.

my guess is that he’ll “meet up with her” and then come back saying that for a certain amount of money she’ll go away. Except he doesn’t have it because he’s already given it to her So you’ll need to help him out.
I hadn't thought about that but that's a good theory.
My thought was that OP is the other woman and he isn't separating from his wife, so it won't be long before he ends it with the OP because he's so worried about STBEW's mental health that he needs to try making things with with her.

There's so many red flags in this situation.

OP Do you live with your DP? Does he travel lots for work or have to travel to visit family regularly? Have you met his friends and family? Or are there stories about why you can't meet them all?

Not at all. He earns a healthy six figure income in a public role and financially makes very healthy contributions to our life without question.
his ex handled all of his affairs as he struggles with personal admin - the “unreasonable” settlement comes as his earnings are now growing substantially since their relationship ended and she had made threats to go after him for the long term, despite being a professional working person herself.
She perused a career overseas as soon as they got married and they saw each other every two months during the first 2 years of their marriage. He maintained properties in two countries.
I’ve actually gone through all of the banking process with him to try and recover the funds she’s hidden / withdrawn to no avail. All security was set up to his company admin email address which she had control over.
He doesn’t like conflict…. And he avoided hiring a lawyer as she had appointed a “hnw” divorce lawyer who he had engagement letters from then got disinstructed by ex. He had avoided appointing a lawyer as he didn’t want to lose any remaining ££ he had tied up in the relationship. Despite earning circa £70k Pa during their marriage she didn’t contribute to their two homes, bills or outgoings financially. He’s never asked her to disclose her financial position.

OP if you trust him and believe his story (despite its flaws eg business accounts have more security options than an admin email; no-one with shared company access would divorce without appointing their own solicitor, etc) then what do you want from the thread?
If he's meeting her about finances, he takes his accountant with him.
If he's meeting her about divorcing, he takes his divorce lawyer with him.
If he's meeting her about ending the relationship, he takes his pregnant OW (in her eyes) with him.

Tbh he's treating everyone appallingly. You're 33 weeks pregnant. He should have resolved all of this long before now. Or told you he was just dragging it out till the 2 year separation point. As an aside, I'm intrigued what the submitted company accounts say for the period his 'ex' allegedly emptied the bank account. But then he has a company admin, a public role, somehow was fleeced out of his money and can't manage a divorce - he's surprisingly and deliberately incompetent when it comes to his wife.

How does he cope with his high earning job if he can't deal with conflict? None of this sounds at all credible.

Why say you fell in love as he was separating then? if he was married you are the other woman.

Oh stop.

He shouldn't communicate. With her. He should do it all. Via a solicitor

Having said that , if she's coming to teh country. Meeting v for a coffee might make all that process much easier. Better to be amicable

Why are there no assets other than money in a non business account or savings account? This isn’t normal.

What jurisdiction is covering their divorce? Because there are no high net lawyers and even if there were there isn’t anything to settle apart from the savings.

If there are no assets and they both earn this is the simplest divorce ever.

Why did you get pregnant with a married man?

He needs to sort this out, it isn’t really anything to do with you. He should be getting legal advice to get his money back from the account she has locked him out of. Maybe it’s a good idea that they sit down and talk about it face to face. He can divorce her without her consent after a certain time (I think it’s 2 years). He should have got his shit sorted before he jumped into another relationship.

Exactly. It's between him and his wife. The OP is the Gf / OW. The fact that she's chosen a married man doesn't change that it's nothing to do with her. Their marriage is none of her business and if she wants to continue to keep assisting him when he won't sort his own divorce then that's her choice.

Edit: it's 5 years for a divorce without consent.

Yep, she’s not his ex, she’s his wife and my eye brows are also raising at the long term friends who happened to ‘fall in love’ just after they both separated. Right.

If you think she’s upset now, you have no idea of the trauma she’ll go through when she finds out you’re pregnant when she couldn’t have children with him. His worry about her mental health is self serving nonsense.

You really need to let him cope with all this and stop mothering this man child. He needs to sort his own mess out.

And protect your assets because this could well be you in a few years time after a ‘short marriage’, as his behaviour is dodgy.