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Relationships

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Original poster

His ex wants closure - I’m pregnant

119 replies

seekingguidence92 · 22/10/2023 18:32

Hello, I’m 33 weeks pregnant. My partner is a long term (many year) friend who I fell in love with about 18 months ago as he was separating from his wife. She lives overseas and did during their very short marriage, no children).
she’s been refusing to sign divorce papers, pretending she has a lawyer, wants huge payouts etc despite it being a 3 year marriage, no assets to split and my partners 80k business savings.
she’s now saying she’s coming to england in two weeks for a friends wedding and she wants to meet my partner then for a coffee / drink to get closure. They’ve had many phone calls trying to agree the divorce - he agreed to 80% of his savings to get rid of her. Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it. We tried for many months to get back via Revolut but she changed all the details then withdrew all funds.
anyway….. she wants to meet him. I’m very very upset about this, he’s convinced it’s the only way to get rid of her and he’s scared of her / she’s a very dominating character. She does not know I’m pregnant. Any help!

OP posts:

yogasaurus · 22/10/2023 20:39

ChipAndMiss · 22/10/2023 18:57

Wow, who could have ever guessed that having a baby with another woman’s husband would cause such complications?

Jog on.

Consideringachange2023 · 22/10/2023 20:40

I’m struggling to see why he wouldn’t meet her to finalise things if he believed it would be useful?

If he doesn’t want to then that’s fine. He doesn’t need to give any further explanation.

However if he actually wants to (for reasons of closure and just being able to sort it out for once and all) then i don’t actually see the issue? You’re not insecure, your relationship is good.

Where’s the issue? You don’t want him to meet her because she’s been acting unreasonably but unless you think your Dp is in some sort of danger then it’s hardly a reason to be upset.

Short marriage or not, he married her. They at one point decided to spend their life together - it really isn’t your business or decision if they want to meet up for a final discussion

Jewelspun · 22/10/2023 20:48

He's scared of her?

What in earth attracted you to this wimp?

FloweryName · 22/10/2023 20:52

What’s the problem with them meeting if you trust him? He might say he’s scared of her but there’s not much she can do in public.

They are married. Her wanting to see him before agreeing the divorce isn’t unreasonable.

obje · 22/10/2023 20:55

FloweryName · 22/10/2023 20:52

What’s the problem with them meeting if you trust him? He might say he’s scared of her but there’s not much she can do in public.

They are married. Her wanting to see him before agreeing the divorce isn’t unreasonable.

What's the point in them meeting full stop?

surreygirl1987 · 22/10/2023 20:58

So... they're still married. He left her and at the same time entitled a relationship with you and got you pregnant. If that was me, I'd not be making things easy for my husband either! I can't blame her for that.

Interesting your partner is agreeing to meet up with her though ... although I suppose she is his wife.

surreygirl1987 · 22/10/2023 21:00

They are married. Her wanting to see him before agreeing the divorce isn’t unreasonable.

Yep.

MorningWorkoutOrSleep · 22/10/2023 21:00

I'm sure some people just live for drama. He doesn't need to meet her and you certainly don't need to tag along. It's not some teenage break up.

Leave it all to solicitors. End of.

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:05

@obje
The point is that the wife wants a final meeting before signing the papers. That hardly seem like an unusual request. In fact, it might even be a reasonable courtesy to extend to someone that you thought enough of to marry. If this will expedite the signing of the papers, why would anyone object?

Ostryga · 22/10/2023 21:06

No one needs to meet anyone. He needs a solicitor and that’s it.

This doesn’t need to be dramatic. He needs to stop contacting her and to get on with it. Aren’t you tired of this all? You’re heavily pregnant! It must be doing your head in.

lunar1 · 22/10/2023 21:08

Leave them to it, the end of their marriage is between them.

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:12

@Ostryga
The husband does not seem to be objecting to the meeting. Perhaps, he too would like a closure meeting. Shouldn't this be a decision made by the 2 divorcing parties?

TheSquareMile · 22/10/2023 21:13

He needs to see a solicitor this week and to take advice from him/her from now on.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

Find a Solicitor - The Law Society

Find A Solicitor is a free service from The Law Society for anyone looking for legal services in England and Wales that are regulated by the SRA

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk

yogasaurus · 22/10/2023 21:14

If he doesn’t want to go, he just needs to tell her that her closure is not his concern, and get a solicitor to engage with her.

Doesn’t need to be dramatic.

UnevenBalance · 22/10/2023 21:15

I agree about involving a solicitor.
Im not quite sure why he hasn’t done that already, esp as this is more complex legal wise (different country involved).

Dont go to the meeting.
And tbh I don’t think he should either. He says he us worried about her MH and wants to be kind… I think he is being a mug.
From wha5 you said, there is no issue with her MH. And even if there was , it is not his responsibility anymore. They’re not together anymore! And being kind doesn’t mean accepting anything and everything. It’s not giving in on all her demands. That’s not having any boundaries at all.

He really needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her.
Fir his sake, yours and the baby’s

Lookingatthesunset · 22/10/2023 21:16

Her mental health hasn't stopped her stealing his money!!!

Lawyer up. You definitely should not meet her - and he would be ill-advised to do so, but his choice.

theduchessofspork · 22/10/2023 21:17

obje · 22/10/2023 18:38

Why's he not blocking her and seeing a solicitor to get his money back?

This really

He needs to get this sorted.

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:18

@TheSquareMile
What's the likelihood that a man who knew enough to separate from his wife, manage a successful business , and impregnate yet another woman while still married , does not know how to go about obtaining a divorce?

Goodornot · 22/10/2023 21:21

She's his wife. He only separated 18 months ago and you're in the 8th month of pregnancy. He won't meet her and hasn't told his wife he is having a baby with another woman. So he's not been straight with her.

She's crazy? Of course she is. The man telling lies isn't crazy of course.

MariaLuna · 22/10/2023 21:24

I'm sorry you met this man and got pregnant by him, before finding out the past history.

Anyway, what's done is done.

As a single mum I would advise you to have your own economics together, and not depend on the dad.
Anything he says could be a lie. been there, done it

whynotwhatknot · 22/10/2023 21:25

why is he prepared to give his business savings away- in a 3 year marriage she shouldnt be entitled to it

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 22/10/2023 21:32

Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it.

I’m curious as to how she locked him out of his own business bank account? Surely it’s in his name?!

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:34

@whynotwhatknot
We don't know anything about financial arrangements between this man and his wife. The wife could have fully financed his business or have been a full partner. There has been no information shared to say what the wife is or is not entitled to receive.

The only thing that we know with any degree of certainty is that he has both a wife and a pregnant partner. That alone makes him seem like a man who does not conduct his life in a particularly admirable way.

porridgeisbae · 22/10/2023 21:38

The point is that the wife wants a final meeting before signing the papers. That hardly seem like an unusual request

The only real reason to meet would be if they weren't sure if they wanted a divorce or not.

No, I don't think most people meet up with exes they're in the process of divorcing.

But I suppose he's hoping (to give him the benefit of the doubt) to try and .convince her to sign the papers.

Lachimolala · 22/10/2023 21:41

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:18

This.

I would take PP advice and make sure you’re set up emotionally with a support system and financially with some money/savings. I’m not entirely sure in your shoes I would trust this man.

Unfortunately been there done that, and he fed me a load of lies about his ex, their divorce, his financials and the marriage etc. In the end he fooled me good and proper!

Just look after yourself in all this basically. Put you and baby as number one.

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