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Original poster

His ex wants closure - I’m pregnant

119 replies

seekingguidence92 · 22/10/2023 18:32

Hello, I’m 33 weeks pregnant. My partner is a long term (many year) friend who I fell in love with about 18 months ago as he was separating from his wife. She lives overseas and did during their very short marriage, no children).
she’s been refusing to sign divorce papers, pretending she has a lawyer, wants huge payouts etc despite it being a 3 year marriage, no assets to split and my partners 80k business savings.
she’s now saying she’s coming to england in two weeks for a friends wedding and she wants to meet my partner then for a coffee / drink to get closure. They’ve had many phone calls trying to agree the divorce - he agreed to 80% of his savings to get rid of her. Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it. We tried for many months to get back via Revolut but she changed all the details then withdrew all funds.
anyway….. she wants to meet him. I’m very very upset about this, he’s convinced it’s the only way to get rid of her and he’s scared of her / she’s a very dominating character. She does not know I’m pregnant. Any help!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/10/2023 21:42

If you thinks she's a problem now, just wait until she finds out you're pregnant.

He should not meet with her, for any reason. What a stupid idea.

He needs his solicitor to handle everything.

ChristmasCrumpet · 22/10/2023 21:48

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 22/10/2023 21:32

Still she has kept his entire account (100%) and locked him out of it.

I’m curious as to how she locked him out of his own business bank account? Surely it’s in his name?!

This.

He is lying to you. He's just such a nice guy that he's given his scary ex wife all the money he has in his account, that he can't get in to, so she will go away...apart from when he's meeting up with her to give her closure.

Wake up OP.

Bellyblueboy · 22/10/2023 21:56

I agree this all seems a bit off.

he had a marriage that didn’t work out - that is not unusual (however I always raise an eyebrow when people have such crazy exes).

but she has complete access to his business account and was able to lock him out - he doesn’t sound like a very savvy business man, on top of being a poor judge of character.

and you are freaking out about him meeting his wife for a coffee to discuss the divorce?

he is an adult - maybe not be smartest, but an adult all the same. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with a man who I could trust to have a cup of coffee with another woman.

tell him to get a solicitor and stop allowing his previous relationships to impact you so much.

obje · 22/10/2023 21:58

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 21:05

@obje
The point is that the wife wants a final meeting before signing the papers. That hardly seem like an unusual request. In fact, it might even be a reasonable courtesy to extend to someone that you thought enough of to marry. If this will expedite the signing of the papers, why would anyone object?

Because she's apparently "stolen" his money and is intimidating him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
seekingguidence92 · 22/10/2023 22:00

Very tired. She appointed a high net worth divorce lawyer who quickly disappeared. She has pretended there are zoom meetings in the pipeline and that she had done the various paperwork it was always “in two weeks / next week” and she’s dragged that on all year.
she lives In a different country - she moved thousands of mile away from him for all of the people saying he left her! …. And so they haven’t seen each other for well over a year.
her and her family have all tried to access my private Instagram for the past year + and she has said all along she can’t cope with a divorce.
she couldn’t have children so we have tried to keep the fact I’m pregnant away from her.

OP posts:
Frasers · 22/10/2023 22:02

Good lord don’t tag along. Why are you upset she wants to meet, if you’re not insecure then let him crack on and meet her and give her that closure.

Canisaysomething · 22/10/2023 22:09

This is his issue to sort out. You have other things to worry about right now, you should be focusing on the arrival of your baby.

Tistheseason17 · 22/10/2023 22:10

Hmmmm... his words do not match his actions. The £ situation does not add up. Why would anyone give that £amount up when no children to support?
Perhaps, he let her have the money due to his guilt or he still loves her? Was she named in the business? A director or partner?
Why no solicitor involved? Odd.

Canisaysomething · 22/10/2023 22:10

It sounds like you are way too over invested in the details of his previous marriage and divorce. Support him if you want to but it sounds like he’s been dumping this all on you at a time when you really don’t need it. Take a big step back.

Cowlover89 · 22/10/2023 22:13

Let him sort it out x

Goodornot · 22/10/2023 22:13

Canisaysomething · 22/10/2023 22:10

It sounds like you are way too over invested in the details of his previous marriage and divorce. Support him if you want to but it sounds like he’s been dumping this all on you at a time when you really don’t need it. Take a big step back.

You mean current marriage?

It isn't a previous marriage. He's still married and isn't divorced yet.

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 22:16

@seekingguidence92
In the grand scheme of things, is an Instagram account In any way meaningful if you are not a teenager. Be fair, you did not want her to see your personal Instagram account. Perhaps, she would have issues related to her husband impregnating another woman while married to her.

I don't know that your partner and her husband has any moral high ground to claim.

If a bank allowed her to access or withdraw funds to which she had no legal claim, he may have an actionable claim against the bank. He should definitely speak to a lawyer about that situation.

OP, keep in mind that you were not privy to their relationship, and you only know what your partner has told you. There are usually at least 2 sides to every story, and things may be slightly different than the 1 side that you have been told.

There is a big difference between being trusting and being naive. Hopefully, this man will work out an honorable resolution that is respectful of both you and his wife.

SandyY2K · 22/10/2023 22:17

she moved thousands of mile away from him for all of the people saying he left her! …. And so they haven’t seen each other for well over a year.
her and her family have all tried to access my private Instagram for the past year + and she has said all along she can’t cope with a divorce.
she couldn’t have children so we have tried to keep the fact I’m pregnant away from her.

How does she know about your relationship?

If she moved away and was the one who left, I'm confused why she can't vote with a divorce and has said this ALL along.

I feel something is missing from this situation, if all her family are stalking your social media.

The whole friends, then marriages/relationships ending then pregnancy had happened very quickly and seems suspect, even if there was no actual overlap.

Perhaps your name came up during their marriage and she suspected he had feelings for you.

Regardless of all that, he can meet her in a public place, but I'm not convinced she'll sign anything.

TattoedLady · 22/10/2023 22:18

If the STBE doesn't want a divorce and he does, if she's dominating and he's scared of her, and if she's already wiped his bank account and he can't get the money back, then nothing useful can come from the meeting other than 'being sensitive of her mental health'...in which case best he starts considering the mental health of the woman carrying his child over the woman who fleeced him.

Speaking of which, nobody hands over 80% of their business savings to be 'kind'? Conflating handing over a wad of cash to make someone go away with 'being kind & sensitive to their mental health' doesn't add up. Something is missing from this narrative.

SandyY2K · 22/10/2023 22:24

she wants to meet my partner then for a coffee / drink to get closure.

What does she mean by closure and how does your partner think this will get rid of her?

If she isn't planning to sign the papers, why are they meeting?

I have zero insecurity that he wants her, he doesn’t and I have no doubts. She doesn’t want the marriage to end, he’s open and shows me all comms with her .

So what harm could come of them meeting up, if you're sure he doesn't want her?

Do you think she could physically attack him?

Nowherenew · 22/10/2023 22:24

Unless she was abusive then I think it’s a good idea for them to meet and hash it out and hopefully come to an agreement.

It sounds like she’s desperate to hold on to him and hopes he changes his mind but I think seeing him face to face may actually allow them both to move on and draw a line in the sand.

MsDogLady · 22/10/2023 22:24

Well his softly softly approach has backfired and she’s playing him like a fiddle by being uncooperative and stealing his money. Why on earth has he not retained a solicitor?

He’d be very foolish to meet up with her and give her another opportunity to manipulate him.

The answer is for a solicitor to handle all communication regarding the divorce and the retrieval of his funds.

Nowherenew · 22/10/2023 22:25

Speaking of which, nobody hands over 80% of their business savings to be 'kind'? Conflating handing over a wad of cash to make someone go away with 'being kind & sensitive to their mental health' doesn't add up. Something is missing from this narrative.

I agree.

As at @TattoedLady said, the full story hasn’t been told, either by you or to you.

Haffiana · 22/10/2023 22:30

she couldn’t have children so we have tried to keep the fact I’m pregnant away from her.

Oh dearie me, OP. I think you need to wake up a bit. No-one with their head screwed on would be believing a word of this shit. The financial stuff makes no sense at all, and the above is - laughable at the very best.

The worst part is the story about him being scared of her 'cos domineering, and him being magically forced to give away all 'his' money. Nah, OP. You need to do a bit of digging that doesn't involve what he tells you and what you desperately want to believe.

SandyY2K · 22/10/2023 22:30

Speaking of which, nobody hands over 80% of their business savings to be 'kind'? Conflating handing over a wad of cash to make someone go away with 'being kind & sensitive to their mental health' doesn't add up. Something is missing from this narrative.

Exactly!

Especially when they have already taken all the cash in the bank account.

It doesn't make sense.

He is probably feeling guilty.
If she moved so far away, how does she and her family know about the OP?

If the relationship ended on her terms, I don't get the insta stalking by her family.

How would someone who doesn't want a divorce think that fleecing him would make him want to stay married.

Yeah... too much doesn't make sense to me.

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 22:33

@TattoedLady
If a bank or financial institution handed over his.money to someone who had no documented legal claim to that money, he probably has an actionable claim against the bank or financial institution.
Remember every thing that is being conveyed is based upon the husband's story to the OP. The OP was not privy to the details of the marriage or the finances involved in that marriage.

HoppingPavlova · 22/10/2023 22:39

You don’t mention why he has not engaged a solicitor to sort this out.

TeaGinandFags · 22/10/2023 22:50

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 18:35

Don't tell her you're pregnant

OP is 33 weeks. I think the wife might notice.

Don't go.

DP is not exactly fighting as hard as he could for his divorce. He may end up being yet another man who couldn't leave his wife. If he goes home with her OP may be left high and dry.

Edited for dyslexic sausage fingers.

Fmlgirl · 22/10/2023 23:22

OP it seems very obvious to me that they were probably still together when you started seeing each other.
Otherwise he wouldn’t pussy foot around her ‘feelings’ so much.
I agree with other posters, no need for them to meet.

LolaSmiles · 22/10/2023 23:29

Speaking of which, nobody hands over 80% of their business savings to be 'kind'? Conflating handing over a wad of cash to make someone go away with 'being kind & sensitive to their mental health' doesn't add up. Something is missing from this narrative.
Agreed.
I wonder if he's not been entirely honest about his assets to OP what he's giving his ex is small fry, or if there might be children involved, or there was a time where he's presented as separated when they weren't separated.