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Original poster

What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

550 replies

talkingmongoose · 08/03/2008 22:11

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/03/2008 21:42

tmmj- yeah he was a delight! He also used to put mouthwash on his knob as he'd read somewhere that Peter Stringfellow did it (???) and he always had women (???????) Yeah mate, but it's for his bank account, not his minty-fresh pecker!

fridgemonkey · 12/03/2008 21:46

Oh, this one is from uni days. Fellow student was keen on me. I wasn't so keen on him, but he was OK, seemed nice enough.

Party at my house. He clearly thought that the night was going to be his night. And proceeded, in the manner of 20 year old boys to get absolutely trollied. I mean legless. Plus he's must have smoked enough dope to fell an elephant. Cos that was going to really impress me right?

Anyway, party ends and he's passed out in the living room. I go to bed - he's so not my problem.

I wake up to find him in my room. I'm all "what the hell are you doing?", he's mumbling and stumbling, and then, God help me, pisses in the corner. On my carpet. In my room

I'm screaming blue murder which shakes the stupid tosser up out of his drug/alcohol stupor, and brings my flatmates running.
That one didn't go anywhere. I tell ya.

AlistairSim · 12/03/2008 22:14

Ilovenutella - He was indeed a she.
I shit you not.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/03/2008 22:20

I have to ask.... how did you find out????

Charlene1 · 13/03/2008 00:17

I had a horror!!! me, aged 14, sweet and innocent meets boy aged 19 on holiday. 2 days later he has me pushed against a caravan wanking down the front of my skirt telling me "you wnated that didn't you". No.
Then said oh, you're a virgin well I won't "make love to you unless you want me to". No that's right, cos I'll rip it off if you even try matey!
Parents had the ingenious idea of forcing me to carry on with him after holiday cos they liked him and "it was about time I had a decent boyfriend" - we went to stay in his village, I met his parents, he stayed at our house - it got worse! He sat on the sofa (couch as he called it - don't like that word!!) and held a dish of jam tart and custard underneath the bowl like you would hold up a basketball, scraped round it noisily, slurped it, kept curling his tongue round the spoon and pulling the custard off (blurgghh!) and then tried to force feed me with what was left by holding the back of my head and forcing the spoon into my closed mouth. He then tried to creep upstairs to my room at night but my parents said he couldn't sleep in there (oh yeah thanks, but he could be in there doing stuff and they wouldn't have cared!).
Kept going on about sex continuously - tried to dry hump me during a game of tennis at the net fgs! Yuk!
I dumped him by phone asap and he threatened to kill himself because he believed we would be having sex soon and getting married on my 16th birthday as his parents liked me and mine liked him. No f'ing way!!!! He wrote begging letters for ages and kept phoning I told him to drop dead. Never mind. He made my skin crawl.

hatwoman · 13/03/2008 00:22

when I was about 16 I went out with a 26 year old. I discovered once (and only once) that he liked to, ahem, consume his own jiz.

can;t actually believe I got myself in a situation where I knew that about a 26 year old but heigh ho. in fact looking back it quite seriously turns my stomach.

hatwoman · 13/03/2008 00:25

he had a gf and she knew about me. I still think now that had I hung around there might have been a 3-some in the offing.

solo · 13/03/2008 00:44

First date at about age about 14 with copper haired Don(I loved red heads back then) Got to my gate and he decided to ' kiss' me good night! I thought Jaws was happening - all teeth and spit and tongue trying to get down my throat. Last date with him!

sarah73076 · 13/03/2008 00:49

The FINAL nail in the coffin for my marriage of 5 years was when, after agreeing to a long weekend in New York to spend quality time together (and shore up our shaky relationship), we had a Wild West style standoff on 42nd street because he wanted to go play frisbee with some people he'd met at an internet meetup the night before!

I mean, FRISBEE! For Fuck's Sake! I basically dared him to go, and was fairly obvious that I'd really had it being on the bottom of his priority list. So I spent my only Saturday night in NYC getting my face made up at the Clinique counter at Macy's. Then I packed up and went to a different hotel.

It's been almost a year since that, and I still get annoyed when I think about it! FRISBEE! I can't even look at those stupid plastic things anymore!

sarah73076 · 13/03/2008 00:59

Oh and another, recalled it when hatwoman mentioned dating a 26 year old at 16!

At 15 I was dating a 21 year old (with a hideous mustache). We were getting a bit frisky in the back seat of his newish car. I was doing something to him that caused him to...uh...ejaculate...and it sort of went up over my head and landed on the seat.

And he totally freaked out, actually had tears running down his cheeks and was going on about how this car was supposed to carry his kids around and now he'd done this! I can't remember his exact words, but I just could not take him seriously after that. He didn't even have kids yet!

The other thing about him that I recall is the talking during oral sexthe very first time anyone had ever done that to meand he kept saying "I LOVE pussy!" Ewwwww. 10/10 for enthusiasm, 1/10 for vocabulary.

ElvinaFrizzell · 13/03/2008 01:49

A couple of days into our holiday, with his knowledge, I took our camera into Boots to get the film developed. Couple of hours later went to collect the photos, opened them and he never said a word. He had taken pics of himself having a w*nk as well as photos of a porn mag to make it look like he'd actually photographed some woman's fanjo. Killed the relationship stone dead...unfortunately it was our honeymoon.

ElvinaFrizzell · 13/03/2008 02:09

On a lighter note, after I got divorced, I went out with an absolutely lovely bloke. We met on a course at work and lived opposite ends of the country but we wrote, phoned and met up when we could.

We went away for the weekend, me thinking things would probably go up a gear. After a bit of a fumble but unfortunately no shagging, we were lying in bed and he said he thought he loved me...awww...as a sister

He also told me that if he woke up in the morning and discovered that his er tackle had disappeared and that he was a woman...he wouldn't be too upset. Yup another weirdo magnet.

SleepIsForTheWeak · 13/03/2008 09:57

hatwoman I feel ill....... eeeeuw

and Elvinna! If only you could have seen those pics a few weeks before!

jasper · 15/03/2008 11:46

It is my duty to revive this wonderful thread.
One bloke took me to his carefully prepared bedroom.
It was bathed in candleglow and by the bed were bowls containing strawberries... and tinned peach slices!
I think he hoped we would slather each others' naked bodies in tinned fruit.

solo · 15/03/2008 12:30

A rather desperate(on his part) first time with a new man years ago...he was down in my nether regions and totally put me off by repeating over and over again ' I just wanna make you cum, I just wanna make you come...' turn off or what...never did the deed though, as he had no condoms...I said ' no can't be doing that without them', he says ' well it doesn't matter, I'll just be a daddy and you'll be a mummy'.
Hmmm...found out later and well after that date-our last date I hasten to add that he'd already got two kiddies by other women...they accidentally bumped into one another and remarked on just how alike their kids were...started comparing notes and discovered the kids had the same father...Lucky escape for me or what!

SueBaroo · 15/03/2008 14:45

The delightful moment during one of the most pedestrian sexual encounters ever, when he said "I'm going to make this last forever" and I realized it already felt like he had. It was dead in the water after that.

MrsMattie · 15/03/2008 16:12

The one who told me that 'men are programmed to cheat and any man who says he is faithful is lying...'. We'd been together about 3 years at that stage! Lucky f*ing escape. Bastard.

lucylala · 15/03/2008 22:54

just been reading this thread and am killing myself at some of these stories...the sexual countdown is brilliant!!

rema · 16/03/2008 13:52

After spending a night with a fairly new boyfriend I got up and opened the curtains and was gazing out of the window. All of sudden there was cursing and moaning. Totally serious he said " Oh my God look at the way you have opened the curtains (is ther more than one way?)you have made a right mess of it. Look this is the way you do them " He then spent far too long primping and preening them,folding and adjusting.

Errr...see ya!

bossybritches · 16/03/2008 14:29

I had a BF for a short while who was SUCH a gent, he opened doors, always walked on the outside of me on the pavement, INSISTED on paying for eveything which was lovely up to a point but he was so PAINFULLY correct he started to irritate me....the nail in the coffin was when he stopped mid -bonk to politely enquire "if I had climaxed?" before finishing himself!!!!

Nooooooo byeeeeee!!

hellsbells76 · 18/03/2008 00:49

been reading this and howling with laughter and thinking 'thank god i've never met any freaks like this'

and then the long-suppressed memories came flooding back...

i have also slept with mr 'no falling in love'. he used to shout 'don't fall in love with me' as he climaxed. which was usually some time before i did, so he needn't have worried frankly.

oh and the lad who (after a very promising snog on the way back from the pub) took me back to his flat...

...to play a game of mastermind and listen to his james last records. then he insisted on licking my belly button for a bit. then i left.

oh and the one whose attempt to talk dirty involved using the word 'mucus'

thanks mn. now how do i re-supress it all?

totalmisfit · 18/03/2008 12:13

"i'm a grave-digger" that one was a complete non-starter.

oh, and there was this guy who had a cocktail sausage where his penis should have been. I'm not bothered about size normally but i'm afraid i had to draw the line on this occasion

bossybritches · 18/03/2008 15:12

God I had one of those TM??!

One day he met me for a date (only the second) wearing tight white trousers that left nothing to the imagination .....and blue spotty y-fronts underneath....... dead in the water before the first drink.

Then there was the biker nerd who wanted to do a Marianne Faithfull on me with a fudge bar -cold from the fridge I might add, I fecking SHOT out of bed & he was history before breakfast.

sigh I've always been a good picker

tearinghairout · 18/03/2008 15:40

Our first date, to the pictures. During a dull bit of the film he uncrewed his false tooth to show me. Put me off, a bit.

wannaBe · 18/03/2008 21:35

when I was 16 I went out with a 21 yo. one night he said to me "you know, when you go to university, I will waiit for you, and we will be together for ever." that kinda killed it for me as settling down def was not on my agenda.

but some 19 years on...

he still lives with his mother.
and about 6 months ago I had an email from him telling me of a girl he had started talking t and he said "I haven't felt this way since we went out."