Dating in your 30’s - Where am I going wrong?!

[sparklychampagne]

I’ve been single since I was 28, I’m now 31 and only really started throwing myself back into dating this year but it just feels like dating is so much more soul destroying in your 30’s. Or at least I don’t remember it being so difficult in my 20’s!

This year I was dating someone in January/February when all of a sudden he just blocked me on everything on a Monday after a seemingly normal date on the Sunday and making plans for the Tuesday.

April-June I was dating someone who decided he was going to travel abroad and quit his job and left all in the space of a fortnight (not suspicious at all!)

July I ended up dating someone who turned out to be married despite saying on his profile that he was single and looking for a relationship

Since the beginning of September I’ve been dating someone who, after saying I wanted to take things slowly, has started being less responsive, not chatting as much so is clearly doing the slow fade

I make sure I only swipe on guys who have on their profile that they are looking for the same things as me e.g. a relationship, wants kids etc… but it just seems that people lie so freely on online dating or then don’t have the decency to be honest and break things off if they aren’t feeling it. I mean I know it’s never nice ending things/rejecting someone but there’s kind ways to do this and surely it’s the more respectful thing to do than to block or ghost someone?!

I just don’t remember having these problems in my 20’s although I could be looking back with rose tinted glasses! Someone please tell me it’s not just me and I’m not undateable?! 😂

He's a lawyer, don'tcha know. Oh, swoon....

“To carry my children”…..😂😂😂

ok mate..if you are THAT clever, why not just use a surrogate. This way you have your children and you don’t have to marry and pay her monthly checks after the divorce. Because I am convinced this is how your marriage would end up. Can’t imagine a woman tolerating you!

@Uername4949@Honest2afault question out of curiosity. This is a British sote so I assume you are both British. I always thought that British men are way more open minded with women’s “body count” and don’t care that much. Isn’t that the case?

My friend on tinder just sent me this. Form an orderly queue ladies...

@Uername4949 given your values, a hot tip! Internet has lots of porn, and Amazon offers a subscription deal on tissue and lube. Along with surrogacy it's probably cheaper in the long run, saving on dates and having to dress well, look smart etc. Cost of living crisis and all that.

Probably the wrong space for searching for subscribers to your however you offer your expert advice like lonelyfans or whatever

Yep I'm British, I would point out that female promiscuity is unattractive from a biological point but I guess you'd just say that's rubbish.

I like to think I am pretty accepting of a woman's past, as long as it is less than 10 people at 30 it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

I mean how on earth would you know anyway?

@Uername4949 Like I said I am accepting. It obviously wouldn't be ideal and I would avoid it if possible, but provided she ticked all the other boxes I would try to move past it. Obviously it also depends how she acquired the 10, if they were all stable relationships and not one night stands that would help.

@Unithorn I would ask fairly early in the relationship, if she wants to lie to me that's her choice of course. But if she lies it means we are never in a real relationship because relationships are based on trust and respect, not lies and deception.

None of that is to do with knowing how many people someone has slept with. You mention in a previous post she's inexperienced, that isn't indicative of anything. I'd say someone who has been in long term relationships is less likely be inexperienced as you build up trust and talk about what you enjoy etc. Also you're frankly delusional if you don't think some women also do the same in terms of mainly wanting children and so 'putting up with' the rest of a relationship- wouldn't surprised me if your partner does as I doubt she's attracted to your sparking personality if it's anything like you come across on here.

I would ask fairly early in the relationship, if she wants to lie to me that's her choice of course. But if she lies it means we are never in a real relationship because relationships are based on trust and respect, not lies and deception.

But this just proves how much it doesn't matter at all doesn't it. If the only way you'd 'know' is by asking then it doesn't make a material difference does it. If someone says 2 when it's really 100 if their behaviour and values align with yours in this regard ie monogamous then you'd never know and it wouldn't make a difference would it.

I know it's not worth bothered to engage but it's just interesting how some men come onto threads like this with a wannabee voice of authority on such matters when they're ignorant and clueless in reality.

First thing you do when meeting someone online is find out something identifiable about them... Facebook profile with lots of friends, LinkedIn, location etc...

Then when you find out they're married, post chats to the spouse. Those people are scum, they deserve the fallout.

Bitter and proud :)

😂😂😂😂 ah bless you, truly.

I hope your partner comes across these threads and has a realisation of how misogynistic you are.

Why are there so many twats on this thread?!!

Also, OP, if you can still be arsed with men after this...good luck with your online dating. I know people who have met wonderful men OLD and also not so wonderful men. It seems a game of luck and time, as others have said keep your boundaries strong and self-esteem high. There will be many incels, pua's and general wankers online but there will also be great men.

Relationships are built on respect and trust, yet you don't respect her seen as you don't see it as a relationship in any sense and you act to make women like you.

That poor girl deserves better, if she exists.

You're a gross person. The sad thing is, you might well get a woman to have children for you, but eventually she will grow to hate you and hopefully have the strength to leave you. And you'll be a bitter, lonely man whose kids will hopefully be more evolved/decent and sadly not interested in seeing their outdated and misogynistic dad.

@Siameasy you're talking nonsense. Absolutely continue to have your beliefs and values but don’t offer them like they’re universal. Also you clearly don’t understand what feminism is so your opinion on it is redundant.

Labelling certain traits as feminine or masculine is made-up rubbish, there’s nothing inherently manly or womanly about working in construction or being a soft, emotional type (for example). That kind of thinking is also what leads to high male suicide rates because men are taught it’s not “manly” to show emotion. Men “built the world” as you say, because women literally weren’t permitted, but powerful women have been there throughout history. There were female pharaohs in Egypt. One of the computers that sent a man to the moon was built by a woman. Lots more were integral to progress and discovery but didn’t get the credit. Women had to fight to have careers and even their own bank accounts, because the men who made the arbitrary list of masculine and feminine traits decided they weren’t allowed to fully participate in society. Also, not everyone is heterosexual!

I don’t need or want a man who can “lead” or do things for me. It gives me great pride to support myself and know my own mind. My partner enriches and complements my life as an equal. Someone wanting “feminine energy” from me wouldn’t even make it past a first date.

All that is to say, OP, be yourself. It is a numbers game with many, many toads but there are the rare few decent people out there.

Mumsnet really should ban these mra's and incel fantasists infecting these threads with their drivel, do you think for a minute these men would tolerate women on their forums? No they wouldn't although I wouldn't imagine most women would waste their time there. Unlike these men who are so down on older undesirable women that they have nothing better to do that flock to a forum used by women to try and get a rise out of them, quite sad if you ask me and little more than trolling.