Dating in your 30’s - Where am I going wrong?!

[sparklychampagne]

I’ve been single since I was 28, I’m now 31 and only really started throwing myself back into dating this year but it just feels like dating is so much more soul destroying in your 30’s. Or at least I don’t remember it being so difficult in my 20’s!

This year I was dating someone in January/February when all of a sudden he just blocked me on everything on a Monday after a seemingly normal date on the Sunday and making plans for the Tuesday.

April-June I was dating someone who decided he was going to travel abroad and quit his job and left all in the space of a fortnight (not suspicious at all!)

July I ended up dating someone who turned out to be married despite saying on his profile that he was single and looking for a relationship

Since the beginning of September I’ve been dating someone who, after saying I wanted to take things slowly, has started being less responsive, not chatting as much so is clearly doing the slow fade

I make sure I only swipe on guys who have on their profile that they are looking for the same things as me e.g. a relationship, wants kids etc… but it just seems that people lie so freely on online dating or then don’t have the decency to be honest and break things off if they aren’t feeling it. I mean I know it’s never nice ending things/rejecting someone but there’s kind ways to do this and surely it’s the more respectful thing to do than to block or ghost someone?!

I just don’t remember having these problems in my 20’s although I could be looking back with rose tinted glasses! Someone please tell me it’s not just me and I’m not undateable?! 😂

Oh, I'm perfectly happy! I have a fantastic life, probably because I don't have a man around to ruin it haha

This just proves how delusional some men are 😂

Surely then, they wouldn't be dating her, if attraction is the most important in the beginning 🤔

I actually found that it's because I'm more successful, intelligent or funny than they are, and that upset their precious feelings and emasculated them.

Also, @egowise, I've found the less interested in men I become as I get older, the more they are interested in me. They cannot handle that I'd rather be single than go out with them. So, for me, the far more potent aphrodisiac has been my disinterest rather than my looks and figure.

No because men will sleep with women they are not really attracted to, unless a women is really unattractive. That is one of the main challenges for women in dating, men will be dishonest and claim to want a relationship just to get sex.

Yes that's entirely possible, men don't like dating women that are more intelligent or successful than they are, again that presents a real challenge for women in dating.

So, why state it's most important to men? It either is, or it isn't.

I don't know you so I am unable to say whether you are datable or not! I didn't actually start dating my husband and father of my two children until I was 31, I had met him years before but he was married! Once we met up years later he was no longer married and we had a shared interest! Don't give up - you still have plenty of time to meet someone who is right for you! ♥️

Two stand out comments on this thread:

"The more I read about OLD I get the impression that it may actually be a numbers game" by @loseweightpleasegod

And

"Focus on expanding your social circle - through work/networking, sports/gym, local groups on meet-up, church (if you are religious) - and meeting people IRL." By @occhiazzurri

+++

OLD means kissing a hellavu lot of frogs before you find your Prince. Plus any quality man in his 30s doesn't need OLD to find a partner he will meet them through his own social circle.

That doesn't mean it's not possible but it is like panning for gold and will take time and pain.

Personally I would take the advice from @occhiazzurri

So if we were to rank order men's preferences it would be something like this:

• 1 Beauty (thin, big boobs and bum, narrow waist to wide hip ratio, long hair, symmetrical facial features, pretty face)
• 2 Sexual purity (few sexual partners and no threesomes etc)
• 3 Age (ideally 21- 24 according to dating app data)
• 4 Being feminine (not emasculating the man in anyway)

It depends on the man you choose, most men will tolerate a lot to have a beautiful partner, but really successful and attractive men will require a woman to meet all this criteria, or certainly a lot of it.

Ok, I will follow your shallowness and ask:

Then why do we see so many handsome and succesful men being with average/not beautiful women?

1. Because these women are rich?
2. Because they think these women will not cheat on them?
3. Because basically they have small…. You know what so they are insecure to date a beautiful woman?
4. Because they are actually intelligent men and choose based on personality and not looks?

Oh ffs an incel red piller has invaded the thread.

Haha - I think he is trolling us

Honest2afault is chatting misogynist Andrew Tate bullshit designed to mess with women's minds and self esteem. Clearly on here purposely to stir up trouble by trying to position himself as an authoritative voice. 'The mouthpiece for desirable men'. Just ignore it. Def an incel.

Good grief, I’m suddenly glad I’m single after all 😂

Beauty (thin, big boobs and bum

Funny that Kate Middleton, Megan Markle, Dasha Zhukova, the late Carolyn Kennedy, Camilla Parker Bowles, Wallace Simpson, Makenzie Bezos, Julia Koch etc etc etc are all rail thin with small boobs then, isnt it?

To save you the time googling... Those are all the wives of princes and billionaires. (In Mackenzie's case, now ex wife; but since she walked with half, I'm sure she can cope with her devastation).
Dasha is twice the wife of a billionaire.... The latest is younger than her too.

What you find attractive is not what all men find attractive .... People find different looks and vibes attractive. I know that doesn't fit with incel black and white thinking, but there it is. This is the real world.

@Rania78 Those are the exceptions, not the rule, but when you do see that the most likely reason is 1 they were together before the man was successful so he is already in love, 2 they have children together. If you want to think biology doesn't matter you are welcome to do so, science doesn't really care about our feelings though.

I'm not trolling but I am not sharing what men really want again, it doesn't suit women and somehow it makes me a bad guy that humans evolved in a certain way. I will just tell women they can gain lots of weight and still be attractive, I guess that's what they want to hear.

@GilberMarkham Been with DP for 4 years and I don't do drugs. I guess scientific fact is not welcome on this site then?

Ahahaha - you see @sparklychampagne ? Not that bad after all. You could have dated someone like @Honest2afault . That would have been much worse

😂😂😂 Brilliant.

It’s annoying but it’s a numbers game, it’s not you, it’s just how it is.

Expand your social circle by all means, but I would not give up on OLD, once you see anywhere over 30 it’s the most likely way to find a partner.

Oh do go back to wanking in your bedroom.

This site is primarily for adult women and none of them need dating advice from a 15 year year on wanna be incel.

Trot along now, or we’ll call your mum.

Age (ideally 21- 24 according to dating app data)

You used the example of Prince Harry .... People will gave different opinions on his looks but ateotd he's a prince, possibly (alongside his brother) one of the two most famous princes in the world. He could have had any 21 - 24yr old he wanted .... But he chose a 35 yr old (and older than him). And divorced.

A Rothschild has recently married a divorced 30 something Hilton (Nikki, I think).

As above, Dasha Zhukova was chosen as first wife by a billionaire shipping magnate heir in her mid 30s. He's younger than her, and she's divorced from Roman Ibramovich. With kids.

I could go on.

Again .... Black and white incel thinking ... Not the real world

Then why do we see so many handsome and succesful men being with average/not beautiful women?
Out of the hundred of couple I have come across I’ve only seen this twice.

It’s hard because decent men in their 30s have their pick of younger women. I got together with my husband IRL in my early 30s. We had been friends for a while.

If you want to be a wife and mother, which I’m guessing you do, I would suggest finding a mentor or seeking out some podcasts online.

Do you know any happily married women? I’m taking about feminine women with solid, masculine husbands. Anyone you know who is “couple goals?” Women who talk positively about their husbands and like being wives?

Single or divorced women are not the people to ask for advice.

What sort of guys do you seem to go for? Any negative patterns? For instance I noticed when I was single a while I tended to become very masculine and hard nosed and thus attracted feminine men ie “needed rescuing” and wanted me to lead them. Ugh. So it can sound a bit old fashioned to some but finding your feminine energy can really help here.

@theduchessofspork Epic.

But indeed, run along dearie, take your misogyny and put a sock in it. Or over it. Whatever floats your boat.

You can't blanket everyone with the same set of preferences. Yeah maybe shallow men look for those things but not all men are shallow. I'm a guy too but I don't think like that, unless I'm just weird.

Obviously there has to be attraction but what is deemed attractive isn't necessarily the same for everyone. Similarly, age, personality and own life circumstances/experience play a role in that too.

So for me, I would be open to date a mother as I have children myself and quite honestly I would prefer to because they have experienced life with children and understand that bond.

Attractiveness, yes but as said I don't particularly fit the norm in that sense. I personally don't go for the whole model, big boobs, perfect ideal that seems to be pushed mainstream. I find different things attractive, face, eyes, hair and a smile can sway me. Everyone is unique to me in their own way, I do not care about flaws, people age, have children, bodies change from time to time.

Most of all personality is important, could be the most amazing perfect person but if that personality isn't right, it's pointless. I would want a relationship with someone I find attractive and they find me attractive but also where we both connect with one another.

At the end of the day, yes shallow men are out there but not all are. Unfortunately, online dating makes it easier for these types to sift through at a rapid pace without a second thought.