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Original poster

Ex wants toy back he bought daughter over 3 years ago. What should I say?

113 replies

Ifyousayso1 · 12/10/2023 11:32

So Basically he wasn’t allowed access to her whilst the case was in court due to abuse for 3 years. First gift he hand delivered and tried to bang his way in my mums house and stood outside screaming whilst we were all inside. Made sure daughter didn’t hear him. He was sent a letter by my lawyer to not come to my house.

Then he has someone else hand deliver this gift he’s asking for back. His gifts were always massive in size. He was requested to send small gifts that could be posted through the letter box. This was over 3 years ago. I don’t have this gift anymore. I never gave her it and donated to a charity. I gave all the other gifts that he sent as requested by the judge that fit through letter box.

Anyway he has sent 2 msgs now asking for it back. He took my jewellery and all the toys me and my family bought our daughter when he left. I can’t believe he is asking for this back. He knows I never gave her this toy.

What should I say, it’s so long ago now he sent this toy,3 years?

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 14/10/2023 09:24

Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 09:11

Well as I predicted it happened at the door this morning in front of daughter. He asked for the toy I said sorry we don’t have it anymore. He said so you didn’t even give her the birthday present I sent her, I said no. He left after saying so what are we going to do about it.

I didn’t go into anything. Really is no point as he doesn’t see he did anything wrong. I said to him a while ago he should have kept the money in an account for her instead of sending huge gifts as he was ordered small only.

What are we going to do about it?

That sounds like a threat op. Like he's expecting you to replace the toy in a different colour so he can give it to his other child.

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 09:28

My life is good now. 3.5 years ago was midst breakdown for me, I was so unwell. It’s all over now and we have new lives to worry about. He should just concentrate on the future with daughter. I care less about my jewellery and the things he took. I replaced what I’ve wanted myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 09:29

They hold such a grudge, after what he did, they so bloody emotionless.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 14/10/2023 13:19

Ooft, I'd have told him to fuck off and take his brass neck with him right there on that doorstep.

Probably best to just ignore ignore ignore though. For now anyway.

INeedAnotherName · 14/10/2023 13:49

I think your way forward with this "man" is not to agree with anything. Just repeat the phrase of "if the judge tells me to do it then of course I will comply" then it's on him to convince a judge to order you. It won't happen.

He left after saying so what are we going to do about it.
I'll do whatever the judge orders me to do. Bye.

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 15:25

He looked so sad at the door. I just think of all the things he’d done and all the things he’d taken. I’d love to tell him to F off @Pinkbonbon but my daughter was at the door also and I’m sure he’d twist it round. Although he has already told her months ago about the present and how cruel mummy was not to give her it. It was literally one of the first things he told her after years no contact.
I honestly am happy with my decision not to give it. He rode over my boundary using our daughter and I wasn’t going to let it go anymore so I feel no guilt. Sad for daughter but no guilt. He used to send massive cards from moonpig, like foot tall cards and mugs with his face on to her. He was awfully strange!

OP posts:
Springcleaninginsummer · 14/10/2023 16:31

His expressions don't match with his internal feelings, you know. Why would he be feeling sad about a bit of plastic? He doesn't even feel sad about ruining his relationship with his own daughter.

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 16:45

@Springcleaninginsummer who knows what his motive suddenly is. He’s had contact now for almost a year so why now who knows.

OP posts:
CloudyAgain · 14/10/2023 16:52

SunRainStorm · 12/10/2023 13:06

Atrocious behaviour, I'm so sorry.

God the judges must struggle not to hurl their staplers at some of these princes.

Show quote history

I'm not in family law any more thank goodness but I can tell you that if a client of mine tried to take this anywhere I'd probably tell him he should fuck off myself. Politely. Along the lines of ; 'This request is going to make you look unreasonable and vindictive and would possibly harm any legitimate future claims you might have in the eyes of the court. But if you wish to spend your money on arguing this point I will draft something'.

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 14/10/2023 16:59

@CloudyAgain he won’t take it any further. He’s either trying to make me look bad or he’s not having a good time with girlfriend perhaps and needs a bid of supply. In his eyes I look like the bad person and he looks the better person so is probably getting off on it. But it does tie in with the child maintenance increase. He didn’t want to pay it but they sent letters warning him and he gave in. Who knows. Just confirms he’s a bit of a twat.

OP posts:
CloudyAgain · 14/10/2023 17:03

Oh he's deffo a twat. I'm glad you are in a better place. Thanks

EdgeK · 14/10/2023 17:04

Buy a shovel and a gun. I'll give you an alibi

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 16/10/2023 20:43

Daughter come home from contact. She is very upset. He took her to the police station after picking her up at the weekend about the toy and reported me and then told her that her mum is fucking disgusting.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 16/10/2023 21:05

I'd go to the police station and report him for harassment because that's what it is.

Not only that it's also harassing your daughter.

Do it now, maybe the officer who had to listen to his shite will be even more helpful as they've seen his nutbaggery up close.

Also, I forget the name of the crime but I believe it is an offence to be caught trying to turn a child against their parent. And telling a child their mother is fucking disgusting may fall under that.

Seriously, police, now.

You also need to revisit custody as he should be nowhere near your daughter. Ever.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 16/10/2023 21:07

OK, you need a bit of support with this because that's taken a turn and is abusive AF. Try calling Women's Aid, or even social services. How dare he take your child to a police station? Fucker.

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 16/10/2023 21:12

We were at court for 3 years, it’s so ridiculous. He was sent on a DAPP course amongst other things. She was just crying to me because he called me and my mum that and she loves us all. It’s 3.5 years ago, we have both moved on and in different relationships.
I have to admit I cried because I don’t want her to hear these things and feel so conflicted. She is worried what the police will do. I’m guessing they won’t follow that up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 16/10/2023 21:14

@Pinkbonbon alienation I think!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 16/10/2023 21:25

Kids want to protect us from abuse too. It's such a burden for them.

The best thing to do is to tell her you love her lots and that you left daddy because he is a bit of a drama lama. And that she can always talk to you about things.

Amd work towards keeping him away. He may finally have given you a way to do that.

If not, when she is around 8-10 or so she can just refuse to go to his. If he takes it to court, they will take her choice into account.

Sherrystrull · 16/10/2023 21:38

Please go to Women's Aid.

What an absolute nob for putting his child through that. What did he even report? You gave away a gift he gave his daughter?

MargotBamborough · 17/10/2023 07:01

Oh OP, what a dickhead he is.

How old is your DD and what was the toy? If the size was an issue sounds like a play kitchen or something?

If she's old enough to understand, I'd say, "When you were little your dad bought you a toy which is for babies. We don't have it anymore because you're a big girl now. But he wants it back and he's angry because we didn't keep it. Don't worry, the police won't do anything. You're not allowed to ask for presents back because they belong to the person you've given them to."

nibblessquibbles · 17/10/2023 07:06

Ifyousayso1 · 16/10/2023 20:43

Daughter come home from contact. She is very upset. He took her to the police station after picking her up at the weekend about the toy and reported me and then told her that her mum is fucking disgusting.

Omg that's insane of him. You need to document this and report as well.
Just send a message saying daughter wasn't interested in toy and it was sold to exchange for bedding. He can have the bedding if he wants it.

ManonDe · 17/10/2023 07:23

Go back to your solicitor. The courts would take that behaviour very very seriously indeed, IMO. And i'd be looking at harrassment as well.

Unfortun8 · 17/10/2023 07:32

Was the toy a ride on electric car?

Original poster
Ifyousayso1 · 17/10/2023 07:48

I just don’t understand why after doing the courses he thinks this is something that she needs to have heard and have in her life. We’ve all made mistakes, I did what I did at the moment in time (which I’m happy was the right thing to do) which has now passed. I look at it now as damage control, we do what we can to cause her the least amount possible. She loves us both despite what we think about each other. I’ve come to peace with that now despite how I feel about him.

But I knew we would be down this road because he always told me he would. I’ve got to be the bad one because he is incable of being one.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 17/10/2023 08:32

Ifyousayso1 · 17/10/2023 07:48

I just don’t understand why after doing the courses he thinks this is something that she needs to have heard and have in her life. We’ve all made mistakes, I did what I did at the moment in time (which I’m happy was the right thing to do) which has now passed. I look at it now as damage control, we do what we can to cause her the least amount possible. She loves us both despite what we think about each other. I’ve come to peace with that now despite how I feel about him.

But I knew we would be down this road because he always told me he would. I’ve got to be the bad one because he is incable of being one.

I'm guessing he did the courses because he was ordered to but doesn't accept anything he was told.

Do you have a lawyer or a case worker you can raise this with?

Would you consider reporting him to the police for harassment? I think repeatedly asking you to return a gift from three years ago when he knows you don't have it anymore constitutes harassment. Even if the police do nothing I would have his behaviour documented in as many places and by as many people as possible in case the situation breaks down further and you want to try to limit contact.

How old is your daughter?

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