Ex wants toy back he bought daughter over 3 years ago. What should I say?

[Ifyousayso1]

So Basically he wasn’t allowed access to her whilst the case was in court due to abuse for 3 years. First gift he hand delivered and tried to bang his way in my mums house and stood outside screaming whilst we were all inside. Made sure daughter didn’t hear him. He was sent a letter by my lawyer to not come to my house.

Then he has someone else hand deliver this gift he’s asking for back. His gifts were always massive in size. He was requested to send small gifts that could be posted through the letter box. This was over 3 years ago. I don’t have this gift anymore. I never gave her it and donated to a charity. I gave all the other gifts that he sent as requested by the judge that fit through letter box.

Anyway he has sent 2 msgs now asking for it back. He took my jewellery and all the toys me and my family bought our daughter when he left. I can’t believe he is asking for this back. He knows I never gave her this toy.

What should I say, it’s so long ago now he sent this toy,3 years?

Keep all messages.
Do not be tempted to engage.
If he crosses any lines, immediately file for a non molestation order.

He is trying to suck you back into his orbit, to provide the experience he craves of abusing someone.

Do not respond is the best way. If you really must then say gifts legally don't have to be returned, then don't respond further.

Don’t reply. Just don’t.

As others have said - it’s not about the toy.

“Trying to suck you back into his orbit”

that is a great way to put it

In our house most toys get given away within about 12-18 months once the child grows out of them. We'd only really keep stuff if there was a younger sibling to pass them on to.

Even if you had the toy, what exchange does he think he will get for it (as he doesn't want his DS to have something bright pink)?
If your DD had been playing with it, however carefully, it would hardly be bandbox-fresh either, and if it's something with electronics (you said it was remote controlled) toys of that type become outdated very quickly.
PP's advising no reply at all are absolutely right, although you could keep a record of his increasingly irrational communications.

I am certain that there is no legal expectation to return gifts, otherwise it would be called lending.

I tried to tell him about that before. When I said I wanted to divorce him he made me give back my rings. I didn’t want to at that point. I was with my daughter having dinner and I said they belong to me. It l was my choice if I wanted to give back. They weren’t family rings. He said if I don’t hand them over he’d come over and rip them off. He didn’t understand about gifts then either.

That is completely unhinged. Just ignore him but make copies of all the messages. If he starts to get abusive take the copies of the messages to the police and they will issue an harassment warning to him. Dont engage with him over this. He has absolutely no legal right to get a gift back off you that he gave 3 years ago that is beyond mental. You do not need to worry about this for a second. Hes just trying to get a rise out of you so he can shout at you

Do not answer him, he is looking for a fight.

"Your daughter no longer has this item"

So seems the consensus is to continue to ignore the msgs.

Yes, literally just do not even respond.

No

Answer this yes or no question:

Do you think that talking to him will make you feel good?

Ignore him.

If you ignore him, will he show up?

If so, I'd be inclined to say 'she no longer has it'

Then don't respond to anything else.

Or just ignore and if does show up, don't answer the door. And call the police if he doesn't leave.

@Pinkbonbon he was ordered to collect daughter from my house every other weekend so yes I’m pretty sure he’ll ask me on the doorstep!

@Watchkeys no absolutely no use will come from it. But he will be at the door tomo Monday so I’m sure he’ll ask me to my face.

If he asks just say 'no, we don't the toy any longer' then shut the door

Well as I predicted it happened at the door this morning in front of daughter. He asked for the toy I said sorry we don’t have it anymore. He said so you didn’t even give her the birthday present I sent her, I said no. He left after saying so what are we going to do about it.

I didn’t go into anything. Really is no point as he doesn’t see he did anything wrong. I said to him a while ago he should have kept the money in an account for her instead of sending huge gifts as he was ordered small only.

I kept it in my mums garage for over a year incase he was granted contact and he could take it back but it took years for him to so it was sold and she chose some new bedding for her big girl bed.

This is now coming up to 3.5 years ago and he still worried.

Ignore him.

If he turns up at the house and start making a scene, call the police.

Forget about what happened with the toy and the money. It doesn't matter. He asked for a gift to be returned and your answer was no. The end. Stop thinking about it.
Did you notice he said, "what are WE going to do?" Well you are already doing what he planned for you to do. Worry, make up excuses, get involved in the drama.