Holiday is off isn’t it..

[IronNeonClasp]

Please help MN’s
Boyfriend of nearly 5 years on and off has relapsed on cocaine. Took me weeks to work out and confront and finally found out Sunday. Been about 6 weeks. I’m off sick since week ago Thurs as it’s all taken it’s toll on me, the suspicion and admission. He’s been clean about 18m. Family know about past behaviour as there was a lot of fallout.
We’re meant to be going abroad to visit his family on Saturday. Loads of plans for my upcoming birthday. Have care for the kids and our dog covered too.
But I can’t go can I? I can’t act in front of them that nothing has happened.
Also would need to log on tomorrow in order to go on leave - but I’ve been numb, livid and on a rollercoaster since he finally admitted it.
Doc suggested I should still go for my mental health but I don’t think I can hold a lie and it might all come out but if he just arrives he can say anything to cover his relapse.
I’m so messed up. I said if this ever happened again it was over. But now I have to lose the holiday I have been looking forward to for months :( I can’t even bring myself to message one of his family members to discuss my predicament.
WWYD?

@IronNeonClasp I'm sorry you are not in a good place especially tonight, but can you explain what you mean by 'being set-up' and why you need an injunction? I don't really understand from what you have said, what exactly is going on with his family and the neighbour?

It's to be expected that his family will support him - especially if he is lying to them, which from earlier posts I understand he is. As far as they go, tell yourself that they really don't matter - because they absolutely don't matter. At All

Really pissed off he’s ‘sold weed’ tonight to someone I know and he ended it.
Heads all over shed as he’s in quarantine but still making a buck here and there unbelievable

Wasn't the relationship over already though?

Yes but the fact he has vindicated me like a fall girl and admission from said friend he’s still getting away with dealing - heart broken.

Life goes on for him. I can’t believe his dad let him out to deal but he’s shut me down.

believed his own narrative I’m so shocked and saddened

I think you need to block him and any family from contacting you and start to move on. It really doesn’t matter what they think and the truth will come out eventually/ they will see what he is really like. It won’t do you any good to keep going over it.

Detach, op, detach.

Of course he can go out and do what the fuck he likes, he's an adult man. Druggie is gonna drug.

Stop torturing yourself with what he's doing, what his family are saying and what you imagine the neighbours are thinking.

You've broken up. It doesn't matter. You're out of it.

Cut off sources of information about him, block the lot on social media etc, and focus on healing. Read up about co-dependence if you were supporting him with his habit, in case that has some relevance. Figure out how to detach.

Thanks. For the record I blocked all of them on every very platform when I was on ‘holiday’ as I was SO frustrated neither one of them contacted me after a day and a half.

Has left me super annoyed life goes on without me in it. Understand what you’re -all saying but it’s just not fair and seems there is absolutely no justice. He’s in house arrest and still making a buck on weed

How are you being blamed? What do his family think you have done to cause this? My bil is an addict (dh bro) At no time have we as a family blamed his wife - we have cut contact with him though.

Im sorry you are struggling and I know break ups are difficult, but this all sounds very dramatic.

Your ex is a drug addict and as a result you split up. Who cares if he told his family a pack of lies to turn them against you - when you arent a couple any longer you shouldnt want to be anywhere near them anyway. Blood is thicker than water so they would always have been on his side, but the dramatics of saying you are the fall guy, taking all the blame etc is ridiculous- its a separation, and why do you care what his family think anymore - just be glad you are out of the situation for good.

Live you life, stuff what the neighbours do, and move on with your family - when you were talking about a big birthday I honestly thought you were going to say 21 or 30 at a push - at 50 years old you do not need this and should rise above the drama from his family. And his dad must be in his 70s if your ex was a similar age to you - why do you give a shit what an old man thinks of you ?

Of course his life has to go on without you in it!

And what type of Justice are you looking for?

Be happy he immediately dealt drugs again - it shows you made the right decision to get him out your life as he isnt going to change- you are better off without him so you need to move on and stop caring what he does

*No chance of relapse again with family intervention

Really pissed off he’s ‘sold weed’ tonight*

Didn’t take long, did it??????

Just be glad you’re out of it and he can’t drag you down with him.

I know you’re all right and thanks so much for replying.

My annoyance is that I took him back and let him live here (rent free) for yonks and he threw me under a bus distorting the story so I am the subject of “poor him” putting up with her being so abusive and toxic when all I was trying to do was create a family with him. I’ve already said I’m not an angel, we had some horrendous rows as my house is tiny and I was applying pressure to make something happen. Had I realised this was normal t his intention and cocaine was a much better option I wouldn’t have wasted all of that precious time. I think I’m just in disbelief that the person I thought I loved could do this to me and can go about his life with absolutely no shit for me :(

Remember he's out of your life and the longer he's with them the more his halo will be dented.

Lock him out of everything to do with you, front door, social media, bank accounts, streaming and shopping channels.. deep clean your house both physically and spiritually (new bedding, cushions, curtains, nice pictures) to help erase his presence. 🌹

Missing him so much tonight please tell me everything will normalise 😞

@IronNeonClasp - I promise it WILL get better. Might take a bit of time, but you are so much better off without this man in your life. It's just difficult for you to recognise that at the moment. Stay Strong. We are here for you xx

Thank you so much.
Really missing the fucked up company

Update from my seeing as it’s the last day of Nov. Still having really up and down days (today) just wondering if he’s thinking about me as much as I am about him.
I’m quite lost and no one really keeping in touch to see if I’m ok perhaps that’s what I am portraying to the outside. Absolutely dreading Christmas etc trying to do things with the kids - although thank goodness I have them, I just can’t get excited and I’m really fed up. My ex-H mum is dying too so he’s not great.

Just an absolute shit of a year I’ll be glad to say goodbye too. The only good thing is I’ve been 55 days NC.

Hang in there @IronNeonClasp . It will get better and I'm glad you are staying strong and have been 55 days NC. I feel for you and I know how hard it must be - but you will have a better life, once you are through the other side of this. Sending Hugs x

Thanks so much. I think I’m going to break I’m not sure I can do this tbh…

Remember the reasons you broke up. Remember the way he has treated you.

Going backwards won't help you in the long run. You need to focus on moving forward, planning something nice for yourself and in weeks, months, you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were doing with him. Just keep going.

Thank you so much

Don't go back, you'd only have to go through all of this again, and that's so much harder. This is the grieving period, it's not going to be easy but once you get through it you will have your life back without him dragging you down. To hell with him, his family, what anyone else thinks is not important. It's your life and you only get one.

Thanks @Dotty87