Hey, so very sad and distressed by the below and apart from one friend, haven’t been able to discuss this in detail with anyone. I’m not sure what to do moving forward.
I have an uncle that I always thought was a nice person and respected, I never thought of him as creepy but we weren’t particularly close although he is close to a couple of my siblings and their children. I’m in my 40s.
A Couple of years ago my uncle was going through some grief and at a family gathering I spoke to him for about two minutes in an attempt to offer some comfort. My advice was spiritual and he was really angry as he hates anything spiritual. I felt so awful afterwards and reached out a couple of months later to offer an apology, and said that I understand that although it helped others involved, that it was not something he got any comfort from, that I clearly made it worse, and that I am sorry.
This is where it got weird. He responded saying as long as I keep my beliefs out of any interactions with him, all is good. Then he said he should delete my number as all he sends on messages is rude memes that I probably wouldn’t approve of. I said that why doesn’t he just keep my number and not send me that stuff. He proceeded to send me stuff daily, some was funny, some was just not what an uncle sends to a niece and I ignored those ones. Then the conversations took a turn, from general chats about family and current affairs where I thought I was actually building a bond with my uncle, he started to make suggestive inappropriate remarks about my attractiveness, a connection between us, and whether what I believe spiritually allows for things between us. He said things like that I probably need sex, I’ve been single a long time and what do I do to “sort myself out. I felt obviously very sick and like I’d entered some kind of other reality. His jibes went on until eventually I told him it is disgusting and that it’s like he’s my dad and why would he even say this stuff to me. He said well thanks you’ve made it clear now that you don’t feel the same, and I needed you to make that clear. Because he’s my uncle I didn’t delete and block and hoped to just get rid of it out of my head, so he sent memes and current affairs and family stuff and I would respond, but he kept coming back to that so eventually I just stopped replying to anything he said. First time seeing his the other day, and he looked so ashamed, so I was warm towards him and sent a message to at evening saying I know he was grieving so I hold nothing against him, and he’s still my uncle. He said he wasn’t embarrassed but thought I might be and all he said still stands!!! I said, I wasn’t embarrassed, I was embarrassed for you. So then I said to him, I’m very concerned now about the other women and girls in our family, and I used to massively respect you. (I know he texts some of my young nieces) he backtracked saying he did all of this to make me angry “the way I made him angry with my spiritual stuff”
I really don’t want him anywhere near the girls in my family. I know I am a lot older than a child or teenager, but surely he should still see me that way as he’s my uncle and held me as a baby?
if I share this with any family members it will blow the whole family apart, I’m really very heartbroken. What would you do in this situation?