Money and new partner

[Mevawall]

Hi all,

NC as I have friends who use MN.

To cut a long story short my husband and I separated around a year ago, it was my choice after many months of soul searching and realising there wasn’t a way back for us and whilst he felt shocked at first we’re amicable now and are in the process of divorcing properly, though currently still living together as finding a local property to rent right now is horrendous.
Neither of us have any shared financial obligations (house, car, loans etc) just two small children who we’ve always agreed we will share 50/50 custody, decisions and arrangements for so we don’t expect any formal financial arrangement for maintenance or set days and weeks.

The house is in my husbands name as it was a gift from his grandmother so I will be moving out, and I don’t want any money from it as it was a gift to him and will one day be our children’s inheritance. He has has agreed to give me a small sum of money after remortgaging the house to get started in a new home with, which is very nice of him and will come in handy for fees and deposits.

Now, I met a new partner about 8 months ago, we’re LD at the moment as he’s based in the States, but he is applying to move here for early next year.
He’s absolutely amazing, everything I have wanted in a life partner and he feels the same way. He’s just brilliant, and as he has no obligations tying his to the US has said he will move here happily which has made things decidedly easier.
Financially he earns a good salary, can work remote and has gotten permission to do so from his employer, so he’s just working out the legalities of working when coming to the U.K and the dual tax system. He’s just sold his home over there in preparation to coming here as well as his other belongings and is now just renting until his visa comes through.
Yes, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind romance, but we’re both very sure this is what we want going forwards. Not here looking for a “ITS ONLY BEEN 8 MONTHS!” As yes, I can count. 😂

Last week he told me he wants to open a joint account in the U.S and then eventually I can do the same here in the U.K when he arrives so I can access his money and pool mine, that way we can buy a house here rather than me renting for a year whilst all things settle.
In his eyes renting isn’t worth it when I can handle all of the legalities of paying for it outright here with the money from the sale of his house, and that way I don’t have to worry about having to move out if given notice before he arrives.
He also added that the joint account means he wouldn’t need to worry about transferring money to me in future for buying things such as furniture or paying for household repairs, as transferring money has been an issue previously when we were booking a holiday together and we had to jump through hoops with my bank to ensure the money arrived properly.

Am I going a bit mad to think this is crazy? We love one another, I really don’t care about how much money he has and certainly won’t be going on any spending sprees. We have also both discussed marrying in a year or so once my divorce is finalised so will end up us both sharing assets anyway then.
As long as my children have two happy homes, my ex and I co-parent well and my partner is here with me, that’s all I care about.
I work and can support myself and my children independently (work is something I wouldn’t ever give up and he is very supportive with my development) though I’ll never be able to buy a house, but that side of things isn’t a huge issue to me and I’m happy to rent long-term.

Its a strange one as I know if I told friends they’d think I’d lost my mind but as I don’t have anything to financially lose they’d tell me it’s all ok, but is it? Am I not seeing a potential downside of this? He open with finances, he’s not a huge spender and has a reliable income as well as stocks, shares and investments, so can anyone tell me if I’m feeling this way for no reason please?

TIA!

I’ve not said I’m steaming ahead with a joint account and buying a house with this man anywhere. 😂
I asked for information and thanked those who gave it, I was interested to see implications hypothetically if it went ahead and gave a clearer view on the situation when questions have been asked (albeit without quoting so I understand pats are all over the show so apologies to all).
Instead of just those answers I’ve been called stupid, disgusting and irresponsible for having a LDR with a man my children haven’t met and won’t be involved with for a long time yet, like he’d just show up and I’d move him in straight away?!
Honestly you’d think I’d have moved him in already the way people are screaming bloody murder.

I’m grateful for those who have talked about ring fencing my children’s future for them when it comes to this house, that’s something that will happen and be discussed.

forget the new partner craziness, you’re being completely shafted in your divorce in the name of keeping things ‘amicable’. Take the gloves off and go for a bigger share of the house equity.

I’m a single parent. I will never allow myself to become financially supported by a man and to have the roof over my head dependent on him.

You need to get your own living arrangements sorted out and established (couple of years maybe) and stability at home for your DC. Let the transition from living with their dad to living separately have some time and bed in.

This may not be a scam but very loud alarm bells started going off the moment you mentioned him suggesting you set up a joint account. Please don’t do this.

Exactly! Who wouldn't be reasonable?! He must be laughing all the way to the banking app to transfer the £8k.

Last week he told me he wants to open a joint account in the U.S and then eventually I can do the same here in the U.K when he arrives so I can access his money and pool mine, that way we can buy a house here rather than me renting for a year whilst all things settle.

How does this not imply you're buying a house together?

You keep saying you haven't said things that your OP actually does say.

@Mevawall a problem with joint accounts is that in my experience you need both parties consent to close the account. Also, either party is entitled to withdraw the funds.

I think, with the best will in the world, you need to slow down. You married your husband because you loved him and wanted a life with him. Shit happens and stuff changes. You love this guy, who realistically you barely know, and again shut happens and things can change. You might live happierly ever after and you might not. For now I wouldn't be opening joint accounts, pooling finance or making any big commitments. I'd also keep separate residents.

I hope it works out for you but ultimately you need to be emotionally and financially sensible or you'll get burnt.

Oh and the asset sale and large amount of capital - as other PP have said, money laundering is a thing.

My divorce was amicable (no kids). Still got 50% of the equity, though. Sounds like it's not just this US bloke taking the OP for a ride but her STBEX as well.

@Mevawall ask the new partner for the name of the visa he is currently applying for. Then look it up on the UK government website - or come back here and tag me and I’ll help you look into it.

I’m part of the US/UK marriage and we’ve spent years researching visa options for both countries so I know a LOT about it.

If he tells you it’s a work visa and just arrives in the UK ask to see the visa in his passport - it will be a big printed sticker thing on one of the pages with the date of issue and the name of the visa category.

Americans get up to six months as tourists in the UK so it could easily look like he’s ‘moved’ if you don’t get to see that proof.

As others have said - do not open any joint accounts with him here or in the US. Do not let him send you any money from the US.

Even if you don’t end up as part of a money laundering ring, if you do end up doing the marriage visa it could look like he’s paying you for the visa.

There are so many exciting possibilities

Maybe op will soon be given some wedding gifts to deliver to the USA, travelling via Columbia

Way too much, way too soon. Your children need to get to known him properly before anything else.

Yes that’s something he’s getting help with at the moment as he wouldn’t be here on a spousal visa initially and the right to work remotely here is quite a new area of the immigration process apparently and would need to be taxed by bother countries in some way for legal reason.

I honestly don't see a visa he's eligible for atm. If his work is fully remote he won't get a work visa even if he transfers to the UK branch surely?

But whatever happens with that, DO NOT combine finances, especially as you have DC.

There is absolutely zero need for you to have joint account in the states with this man, or in the UK.

Cray cray.

SLOW DOWN! I'm an American who married a Brit and I realise that these kinds of relationships move fast, but you have children and aren't even divorced yet.

Has he ever lived abroad? Experienced culture shock? Experienced the change of being a visitor to becoming resident? Don't underestimate how difficult these things can be. The UK is very different from the US, don't let the common language fool you. If he comes here he really needs to do it on his own steam. Also relationships change when you have to deal with mundane, everyday life. LDRs are misleading, they often change when the distance is gone.

Moving small sums of money is easier than ever before. Wise app, anyone? BUT don't combine finances. Depending where he was last resident in the states he could be liable for state taxes along with the federal ones (which he will need to file yearly unless he renounces citizenship and even then may still have to pay). Also, given crackdowns on money laundering, I doubt you can just be added to a US account. I believe there are some UK accounts that can be accessed easier in the US, but it's been awhile since I've looked into that.

I recommend going on expat forums. UK Yankee is a good one. They can give you an idea how the immigration process works and also an idea of the day to day reality of moving countries.

I hope he's genuine OP, but I think you're being incredibly naïve here.

You would be liable for any overdraft on the account and could end up running up debt if he maxed it out.

Personally I wouldn't be rushing to get myself financially tied up with someone I've only known 8 months, I have been with my partner 8 years and we have a child together but we have no shared finances.

No harm in him coming over if thats what he wants (and he isn't tapping you up for costs associated with it) and exploring if the relationship has legs. Given how loaded he seems to be there shouldn't be any reason for him not to rent while you spend more time together.

Then you can do the right thing and not introduce him to your kids until you have spend more time getting to know him and seeing if the relationship will work.

I think it’s great that you’re taking this on board, but I really would think carefully about not taking enough in a financial settlement to buy a house. Starting again with kids is SO hard, if you don’t get a place now chances are you never will. Renting privately is a minefield, you can get evicted on a whim, you can’t change the house make the house more energy efficient, landlords won’t do essential repairs in many cases and you can get evicted on really short notice. Plus rental properties are in really short supply as many landlords are selling, rent works out much more expensive than mortgages in most cases in the long term, and you’re not building up capital so what will you do when you retire? Honestly for your kids if nothing else get an affordable place which is yours whilst you can.

Why do you need a joint account? You keep saying you haven't got much/any money, so he'll be paying for the bulk of any potential house anyway. He can do that from his own account.

As for transferring money globally, how can either of you open a bank account in the US/UK without a valid visa for that country anyway?

I frequently have to urgently transfer money from my home country account to the UK. There are many platforms like Transferwise. Or for a more traditional set up, global currency transfers are instant between HSBC accounts in different countries.

Why/how is he moving to the UK? It seems a bit full-on for someone he's only just met. It's possibly as much for the sake of life experience / travel as for your sake, so I wouldn't commit myself too much at first.

I have what is often considered the most powerful passport in the world (usually tied with Japan), and anyone who attand visas are still often a massive headache. Let alone for remote workers – there is no remote worker visa and he'll probably be here on a 6 month tourist visa. There's the family or ancestry visa but do look into the requirements. Or the high potential individual UK visa automatically offered to anyone who attended uni in my country, but the US is so big I'm guessing their list of eligible unis is very culled.

Even if he does get a visa, he might need a partner or spousal visa eventually. Being blunt, I'd be slightly worried he's using your newfound connection partially for the sake of life experience / travel, plus about the level of commitment required of you. Of course I'm sure he's equally bubbling up with hormones and excitement on his side as well, but I might worry about what happens when the novelty of your relationship wears off. Sorry to be a downer, but a little bit of caution never hurt anyone!

@Cryojeenic I guess the bit where he said about it, not me saying I’ll do it, would have been the bit where I’ve not said I’ll be doing it?
I was asking if it panned out that way in a hypothetical world what implications could be financially.
I don’t need input on my my LDR or my mothering, that’s something separate to the question. I’m aware what it looks like, I’m also aware of what it actually is, unlike those not living my day-to-day life.
it’s hardly a fairytale but we’re all making the best out of what it is.

I doubt my STBXH is taking me for a ride, he’s not hugely clued up on finances either, we’ve been together for 18 years and I’d know if he was trying to buy me off. It’s my choice to end the marriage and I guess I feel bad in some way? The house being given to him is relatively new, the last 2 years. He’ll have to pay inheritance tax when it sells from what I can gather and didn’t want to take anything else from the children, now I’ve seen how that may be an issue going forwards.

This 100%!!

I doubt my STBXH is taking me for a ride, he’s not hugely clued up on finances either, we’ve been together for 18 years and I’d know if he was trying to buy me off

Someone who has a house given to him as a gift and is handing his STBEXW only £ 8k as a settlement isn't 'buying you off, ' nor is he 'financially not hugely clued up.' He's banking on YOU not being clued up on finances and you feeling guilty about the breakup.

What would his reaction be to you saying 'I've done some research and I'm entitled to half the value at least' be?

You seem woefully uninformed about managing finances - from sorting out your marital assets, to the risks of opening up a joint account with someone.

Which, combined with ignoring all the red flags that people are pointing out, does make you come across as incredibly naive, and ill equipped to make these decisions. I am not trying to be unkind but you seem to believe everything this man has told you about his finances, immigration etc. without really scrutinising the information to check it stacks up.

However, the fact that you posted here indicates that you are at least questioning your ability to make these decisions.

As a side note you need to get your share of the house so its protected for your children. If you leave it to your ex and he remarries, it will go to his new wife and your kids will get nothing.

It's time to stop all this rushing into a new relationship, take a step back, and make sure you are doing the right thing for your kids on all levels.

Sorry, post above rife with typos!

@CinnamonBear Thank you for the info, we’ll look it up!

He has family here, that’s how we met, so knows the country and the culture, he likes it and has stayed for a few months at a time in the past on a tourist visa, though with work he doesn’t have that kind of time right now. He works nights there which would be normal morning-afternoon shifts here but he doesn’t want to move and be doing something illegal so he’s looking into work visas which allow this as there isn’t any remote working visas as it’s quite a new thing.
It is all very fast paced, I guess that’s as communication is more consistent due to distance, it doesn’t mean I’ll be shacking up with the guy ASAP, it’s all going to be guided by my children and how we all gel.
If things don’t work out he may still stay for a while if he likes it due to his family connection or he may go back, but right now things are good so all of these discussions have been more lighthearted and when things get moving properly (whenever that is) they’ll become more serious I imagine.