Money and new partner

[Mevawall]

Hi all,

NC as I have friends who use MN.

To cut a long story short my husband and I separated around a year ago, it was my choice after many months of soul searching and realising there wasn’t a way back for us and whilst he felt shocked at first we’re amicable now and are in the process of divorcing properly, though currently still living together as finding a local property to rent right now is horrendous.
Neither of us have any shared financial obligations (house, car, loans etc) just two small children who we’ve always agreed we will share 50/50 custody, decisions and arrangements for so we don’t expect any formal financial arrangement for maintenance or set days and weeks.

The house is in my husbands name as it was a gift from his grandmother so I will be moving out, and I don’t want any money from it as it was a gift to him and will one day be our children’s inheritance. He has has agreed to give me a small sum of money after remortgaging the house to get started in a new home with, which is very nice of him and will come in handy for fees and deposits.

Now, I met a new partner about 8 months ago, we’re LD at the moment as he’s based in the States, but he is applying to move here for early next year.
He’s absolutely amazing, everything I have wanted in a life partner and he feels the same way. He’s just brilliant, and as he has no obligations tying his to the US has said he will move here happily which has made things decidedly easier.
Financially he earns a good salary, can work remote and has gotten permission to do so from his employer, so he’s just working out the legalities of working when coming to the U.K and the dual tax system. He’s just sold his home over there in preparation to coming here as well as his other belongings and is now just renting until his visa comes through.
Yes, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind romance, but we’re both very sure this is what we want going forwards. Not here looking for a “ITS ONLY BEEN 8 MONTHS!” As yes, I can count. 😂

Last week he told me he wants to open a joint account in the U.S and then eventually I can do the same here in the U.K when he arrives so I can access his money and pool mine, that way we can buy a house here rather than me renting for a year whilst all things settle.
In his eyes renting isn’t worth it when I can handle all of the legalities of paying for it outright here with the money from the sale of his house, and that way I don’t have to worry about having to move out if given notice before he arrives.
He also added that the joint account means he wouldn’t need to worry about transferring money to me in future for buying things such as furniture or paying for household repairs, as transferring money has been an issue previously when we were booking a holiday together and we had to jump through hoops with my bank to ensure the money arrived properly.

Am I going a bit mad to think this is crazy? We love one another, I really don’t care about how much money he has and certainly won’t be going on any spending sprees. We have also both discussed marrying in a year or so once my divorce is finalised so will end up us both sharing assets anyway then.
As long as my children have two happy homes, my ex and I co-parent well and my partner is here with me, that’s all I care about.
I work and can support myself and my children independently (work is something I wouldn’t ever give up and he is very supportive with my development) though I’ll never be able to buy a house, but that side of things isn’t a huge issue to me and I’m happy to rent long-term.

Its a strange one as I know if I told friends they’d think I’d lost my mind but as I don’t have anything to financially lose they’d tell me it’s all ok, but is it? Am I not seeing a potential downside of this? He open with finances, he’s not a huge spender and has a reliable income as well as stocks, shares and investments, so can anyone tell me if I’m feeling this way for no reason please?

TIA!

You ask about the financial implications of a joint account. It is serious and I have been married seven years and haven't jointly pooled my finances in a combined account with my husband, so you can guess where I'd sit on the issue.

The big problem for me is once you become joint the lower credit rating of the two of you becomes the credit rating for you both. My husbands credit rating was fine but mine was excellent and I didn't want to trade away my great score.

The nidea of anyone being able to run up any debt in my name makes me very uncomfortable.

Also if there is anything untoward in this guys past making that official link could mean that starts turning up in your searches as well.

@Nanaof1 I wouldn’t look at a joint account in the U.K. unless we were married which I’ve said, he’s said that’s fine, if he had a visa which gave him 2+ years then I think he can get his own U.K. account.
I honestly just wondered if anybody knew of implications which some have said and I’m grateful for, some have mentioned about getting something in writing about the house which is a marital asset being for our children which is interesting and not something I’d thought about, others have just called me stupid and a bad mother, neither of which I am.

I’m sorry OP, but it sounds like you’ve been scammed.

Why are you even talking finances with this man? Or rather, why does he keep talking about finances? You are far too early into a LDR to be, not only talking finances, but thinking it’s ok to have him in your children’s lives so soon. Be very very wary OP or the next thing you know you’ll be on here saying how you were scammed. Maybe he is ok maybe he isn’t but either way your finances and your children should not be a part of this relationship yet.

I wouldn't move a man I'd known for 1.5 years into a house with my children.

For all you know he could be a paedophile.

For children I always think in this ridiculous scenarios!

He can't get a visa just like that and if he does he will then have to live here for many years before he can have British Citizenship after passing various 'tests'.

Can't you see how this is madness?

You are still married!

Do you usually jump into relationships so fast?

A few meetings with a man who lives in the US and you call him your partner?

Honestly, you need a reality check.

OP, you asked our views and you've got a pretty unanimous response. Just wait. Hold fire until he is actually established in this country, you're actually divorced and you're just not in this extremely vulnerable position with someone who, impossible as it seems, you don't actually know very well.

If he is for real, he'll understand this and won't rush you.

You seem absolutely determined to come in again and again as to why this actually is completely fine even though you said yourself you're not very confident about financial matters and that's why you're here asking us. Why are you asking us if you're so absolutely certain this is all above board? Why have you asked us only to tell us again and again why he's definitely kosher?

Why can't you wait until you're in a stronger and more secure position?

Why must it be now?

You really need to take a big step back and get some legal advice on all of this.

The house you share now is not your children's inheritance. Anything could happen with your husband when you get divorced, another marriage and more children are the most likely. You are entitled to more than a bit of help with fees and deposits. This house is a marital asset.

A joint account with someone who barely know (and I have read how many times you have met) is a ridiculous idea. If I was your friend I would be thinking you had lost your mind.

I’m happy to start again, I don’t want to take anything from anyone.

All very well to say that as currently you're still in the marital home with STBX and heading off into the sunset with your new man. You shouldn't sell yourself short - your STBX may have inherited the house but you are married to him and have two children so I'm sure you are entitled to more than £8,000.

You are being very naive and trusting towards both men. And new man sounds too good to be true - he's too willing and eager.

Why aren't you making a claim on the house which is a marital asset, regardless of how your husband got it?

No wonder your husband is acting so helpful and reasonable 😂

You’re incredibly naive about a few things but definitely about immigration, not getting entitled to from your divorce and you seem a walkover in most respects. I worked for lawyers dealing with the latter and they’d advise to proceed with caution with the American man and get your divorce here sorted out fairly. Why are you being so nice and not taking what’s yours legally and morally for you and your DC?

I’d find it highly unlikely that there’ll be the fairytale ending.

I know someone who did this the other way round but an English man who worked in USA, brought his Russian girlfriend and her son over there and married her. Surprise surprise, they’re now divorced and he’s on his third marriage to an American woman (he adopted his stepson though). He’s wealthy enough that he doesn’t need to scam anyone but said the visa and immigration process in USA was bad enough (his employers there sorted it.

I haven’t read the full thread. The implications are he can take out loans from the bank in joint names

The bank don’t need to physically see you it can all be done online as the bank assumes that when you open a joint account you are both equally responsible for debts/loans etc

You said you are going to be moving out next month. Where will the children be when you do that?

How do you know how this guy will get on with your children or them with him? That would be foremost in my mind before I was talking about marriage and joint money.

DB was in the same situation (his ex had a lot of family money and some of that I suspect was used to buy their house) but at least his ex bought him a flat outright.

OP seems to be relying on family goodwill and inheritances to secure the future for her children, and anyone reading inheritance threads on here will know how chancy THAT is. What if the GP's house has to be sold for care fees, for a start?

Then you're a complete idiot. Or terrifying naive and assumes everyone always has her best interests at heart.

Is there a single poster who has said this is a good idea?

You are not a bad person, but you are a bad mother for considering putting your children into a situation with a man you have met barely a dozen times.

You are also very gullible and naive. And in far too much of a hurry to replace your H.

You don't even realise that the house is a shared asset and the fact it was inherited is not relevant.

Your H is pulling the wool over your eyes now by offering you a paltry sum to 'get you started again'.

You clearly are vulnerable and an ideal target for men who can see that.

Noooooo!!! Find another way. Far too risky.

Aside from anything else, do you really think it's a good idea for you to be planning to buy a house with this man when your children haven't met him yet? What if they don't like him? What if he doesn't like them?

no no and NO!

firstly, you should be getting half of the property before you divorce/on divorce - so your husband meets a new woman, shes the evil bitch from hell and he dies and she keeps your kids inheritence? it happens!!
so no, get half now, if not for you - your kids!! buy a house dont rent

2nd... you dont even know this man? rent your own house and get him to rent his own for at least a year if not 18 m- 2 years BEFORE you move in together!

got red flags all over this

woman up and stand on your own 2 feet and put your kids first - because right now you arnt seeing the bigger picture!!

In a way it's probably good that your husband is keeping all the money, as there is less for you to lose. If you are lucky and he doesn't remarry, your kids might even get to inherit it.

It sounds like you don't have much to lose, which is good, as you have less to be scammed out of. When you end up in debt just go straight for bankruptcy as you will then have someone looking into your finances with more oversight.

Good luck with it all op. Enjoy your fairytale romance until it ends.

OP, your husband could remarry and his new wife may have children she brings to the marriage.

In twenty years time, he may think that it's right and proper that his wife and his step children share his estate with his own children. He could think that his wife has put so much into the marriage and the hime that she's entitled to at least half of it, or two thirds of it, and he could then share out the remainder between his step and birth children.

That is one scenario. He could do anything with a house he owns outright.

You say you're looking out for your kids when you're happy to take £8000 to set up a new life. Then you tell us you're not stupid.

Get a proper settlement.

Got half way down the original post and thought 'money laundering.'

Ok so banking etc in the US as a non-resident alien is not straightforward. You need a US address for a start which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if the partner in question is moving here. You won’t have lived there and therefore won’t have an address you see. So I’m not sure how your partner would be intending you open the joint account.
Second - taxation. US citizens, even living abroad still have to submit a US tax return. So your partner will be filing taxes in both locations which could dent their income.
A PP has posted that if they open a joint account here and acquire debt in your name then miraculously disappear, you will be liable. I would be extremely resistant to opening a joint account with someone I had known for all of 8 months, especially when those 8 months have been long distance.
Keep everything separate and under no circumstances allow your partner access to your passport or other identity documents.

I mean I'm with everyone else that this scenario is ridiculous but how long would you expect to know a man before you are certain he's not a paedophile? 1.5 years is too short but 2 is OK? Or 3?

I mean realistically you don't know for sure that anyone definitely isn't a paedo.