DH taking the piss with hobby time

[TurkeyTeethLookAwful]

Does anyone else think this takes the piss? We both work full time and have two secondary age children so it's not necessarily a childcare issue, however we don't have any family time and also it feels as though DH is never home to do any housework, food shopping, cooking etc. This is the amount of time he is out:

Monday - Home all evening but tired from weekend hobbies so is grumpy/tired and lazes in the bath
Tuesday - Home all evening
Wednesday - out doing a hobby from 6pm until midnight. Takes over an hour beforehand to get ready for hobby
Thursday - Home all evening but again tired from a late night the night before so lazes in bath
Friday - pub with friends from 5pm until 11pm or later
Saturday - Hobby all day leaving at 7am and not home until 7pm. In bed by 9pm as tired
Sunday - another hobby from about 10am until 7 or 8pm

He also fucks off to the pub with friends for hours on Xmas eve each year. And has two 'hobby' holidays each year of 5 nights

Is he taking the piss? Yes, I could do a hobby myself and I do go to the gym and have nights out with friends sometimes. But I feel that family and home life should still be a priority for us both.

Check his phone. Doesn’t sound right to me.

Hate to break it to you but your marriage is over, he's avoiding spending time with you.

I know from experience - I did this to avoid spending time with my ex before he agreed to a divorce.

Our 3 were late teens, my ex was a toxic narcissist - only thing I could do to avoid the abuse.

I think the OP has left the building. I think she’s got the message. I hope she’s OK and finds a better way of life.

In my 20s, I was in a long term relationship with a guy who was car obsessed. Think autism and special interest, as that’s likely what it was. His car was ALWAYS prioritised over me. I used to worry what our future would be like when we had a house and kids etc.

Thankfully, he cheated on me and married her instead and I realise that my life would have been awful, just like this. I feel sorry for his wife and kids now.

You deserve more. I had time consuming hobbies in the past - two horses at one point - and I still made time for my now husband every single day. He’d often join me at the yard too.

If your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, what’s the point?

Oh OP, this makes me sad to read. This is not, in my opinion, a healthy balanced relationship. I took the decision 5 years ago to remove my (now ex) husband from our daily family life (and my children were very young) because, amongst other things, he was selfish and contributed nothing to what life should have looked like. Only you can decide how you deal with your situation from here, but I hope you have the strength to make a decision that changes things for the better for you and your kids

@TurkeyTeethLookAwful unbelievable!! Is he really participating or adding anything to you and the family?? He’s just so selfish. Imagine if you were to try and do the same! Poor kids! Thank god they’ve got you. But it’s not fair on you and why should you put up with this. It’s not exactly a relationship or a team effort is it? I feel for you. I’m afraid it would be divorce for me because is there any plus in continuing to be married? I think you know the answer to that. Leave him to his hobbies and his men friends. They obviously mean far more to him than you and the kids and that’s really sad.

What takes an hour to get ready for? Is he part of a lord of the rings battle re-enactment society? I’m imagining him fastidiously applying elf ears and getting very cross with interruptions…

I’m sorry OP, he sounds like a selfish wanker

I think OP has gone

Yeh affair was my thought

Must be nice living the bachelor life but with the added bonus of a free chef, cleaner and skivvy.

Does he actually enhance your life in any way, maybe time to start opting out of married life as he seems to be way ahead. If you have daughters, don't let them think this is how women should be treated.....

So, is he sawing his bollocks off on the seat of a bike half the week and weekend? Or what is it he's doing?

He's a twat.
I'd tell him shape up or it's divorce come 2024.

I would leave him to do his own cooking cleaning etc. go on strike and just look after yourself and your family. He obviously doesn’t give a shit. If this was my hubby I’d pack his bag !

@TurkeyTeethLookAwful
that does seem too much, overall

was the timetable set from when you got together ?

That's horrible on your birthday I'm sorry

He is a selfish arse

What's the point of him?

He's using your house as a hotel, isn't he? All meals provided, housekeeping done, laundry magically washed and ironed, so he can just come and go as he pleases.

I'd suggest that for starters, you immediately take up a 'hobby' (such as sitting down drinking coffee, reading a book, window shopping or gazing out of the window, anything really) that uses enough of your time to prevent you from doing any of his laundry.

The hobby isn’t the issue.
He doesn’t even spend that much time on it.

The bigger issue here is when he is at home he’s lazy, miserable and does fuck all.

Sorry OP but he’s checked out of this relationship.

He’s trying to get out as much as he can and when he is home he doesn’t do anything and is miserable.

I wonder if he unconsciously sees the children as your hobby. Like, you know, ponies, but talking ones.

My DH cycles and is pretty good at it. even he doesnt cycle 12hrs at a time though!

Sometimes I cycle 20 or 30 miles while my DH looks after the kids! my DH also cycles but he commutes so that ticks two boxes in one and saves us money too. IMO it's not the hobby that's the problem, it's when the other person doesn't get equivalent hobby time and there's not enough family togetherness time.

Is his hobby drinking and he is just looking for all these excuses to go drinking?

I feel for your children.

What a loser for a father.

He has zero interest in any of you but likes having you as house skivvy, aupair and cook.

Your children have been completely failed by this waster.

Why have you tolerated this for yourself and your children is the real question?

@MooPips @TurkeyTeethLookAwful

Did he want to marry and have children?

Ah - the $64000 question. I wonder what proportion of DHs would actually say it's essential. They like d-t-d of course. But the consequences?

I'm sorry I'm afraid I'd be contacting a divorce lawyer.
He's checked out OP