DH taking the piss with hobby time

[TurkeyTeethLookAwful]

Does anyone else think this takes the piss? We both work full time and have two secondary age children so it's not necessarily a childcare issue, however we don't have any family time and also it feels as though DH is never home to do any housework, food shopping, cooking etc. This is the amount of time he is out:

Monday - Home all evening but tired from weekend hobbies so is grumpy/tired and lazes in the bath
Tuesday - Home all evening
Wednesday - out doing a hobby from 6pm until midnight. Takes over an hour beforehand to get ready for hobby
Thursday - Home all evening but again tired from a late night the night before so lazes in bath
Friday - pub with friends from 5pm until 11pm or later
Saturday - Hobby all day leaving at 7am and not home until 7pm. In bed by 9pm as tired
Sunday - another hobby from about 10am until 7 or 8pm

He also fucks off to the pub with friends for hours on Xmas eve each year. And has two 'hobby' holidays each year of 5 nights

Is he taking the piss? Yes, I could do a hobby myself and I do go to the gym and have nights out with friends sometimes. But I feel that family and home life should still be a priority for us both.

Complete piss taker. You and your children deserve better. Have you ever asked him if he actually wants to be a part of your family or if he’d rather be a single man who can focus on his hobbies?

I think you know the answer.
He isn't taking part in family life anymore and doesn't want to listen to you when you raise this.
I suspect he's perfectly happy with the status quo, but are you?
You're not going to get an engaged partner - that's quite clear. Unless you want to go it alone I suggest that you get yourself some interests and spend time with your kids. Prioritise yourself.
My DH has a very consuming hobby but has dialled back the time he spends on it but would prioritise it over DD and me in the summer months. So I stopped waiting for the crumbs of time he offered and got busy doing the things I wanted to do. So it quite often played out that he would check the weather forecast (decide how to spend his time) and then at the very last minute say 'hey let's do this today ' and I would be like 'already got plans, see you later '. Because he's not a total arse I think it dawned on him that he was being selfish.

He wants to be single. Just break up.

What is this hobby?

Doesn’t sound like you have a relationship at all to be honest. You are just building up resentment currently. Life is too short, if he won’t change and you are not happy, there is only one outcome. I think you’ll be much happier on your own personally because you won’t have the resentment element. Then he can bathe, work and hobby til his hearts content!

Where on earth did the op
say she wanted to take up
shooting? What a bizarre post.

You do realise he doesn’t want his family at snooker with him?

How much financially does he contribute, how much do you earn?

What's the relationship like when he is at home?

He has 34 hours a week to himself doing hobbies or going to the pub;that's insane;it's nearly another full time job.

I really hate when posters advise OPs to take up their DH’s hobby in order to spend time together. Why the fuck should she? Why should HIS preferences dictate how the family spends their downtime? And good luck getting two teenagers to spend their precious weekends learning Dad’s hobby!

OP, in your position I’d be making plans to split. I doubt you’d have any issues regarding child custody. He’ll happily piss off to live his childless, single man life, and his kids will soon see what a selfish prick he is, if they haven’t already. Good luck, you deserve better.

He’s a selfish twat.

a few weeks ago it was my birthday and we went out for dinner with family members and he'd arranged to go and join in his hobby (snooker that night) afterwards so was trying to hurry us all along
YANBU.

For me it’s the lack of team work. It sounds like everything is left to you and he just pleases himself. What’s going to happen when the kids leave home? Will you be left alone the whole weekend, every weekend?

Yeah I don't think 2 full weekends days is in any way acceptable.
I'd also be pointing out that if his hobbies make him so tired he can't spend an evening with his family that he needs to cut back on them.

He sounds appallingly selfish and unfair on you and your DC. Also WHY is he 'exhausted' and lounging in the bath etc after playing snooker?! It's not like he's cycling 40 miles each time as a PP mentioned or road running. This makes me even more suspicious that this is a get out from family life. Not going to tell you what action to take, only you know what to do, but it's awful. Really.

This isn’t a relationship. I’d tell him I want a divorce.

Are you 100% sure he is actually doing these hobbies every time? It sounds like it could be a cover up for an intense, long term affair. I hope not but be aware it could be a very elaborate deception, possibly including the help of friends.

I would too tbh

He doesn’t sound very interested in being a family. Are you sure he’s not having an affair because that seems an awful long time to do a hobby? He’s only home for a few hours on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. That is not normal.

Okay so your kids will have flown the nest in a few years. Do you want to spend every evening/weekend alone or with a grumpy arse? Start planning to leave him in a few years and have some fun 😂

My exh was a bit like this. Not all weekend, every weekend to be fair but always putting his hobbies and social time with friends/colleagues above time with me/our children and making me sound unreasonable for questioning it.

Needless to say, he had an affair with someone from work who got to see him more than me, I found out and we divorced. He then had to find time to have the kids 40% of the time, which is more than he ever spent with them, he is on girlfriend number 3 and I am in a lovely relationship with a man who rarely goes out without me or wants to.

He's lodging in your home not being a family member I'd stop doing anything for him no cooking, laundry nothing then I'd be looking at divorce your children need a better example of a marriage than this

He's a selfish bully, and yes, you may not be able to change him. But you can change your self, and your mind. The question you need to ask yourself is why have you allowed this situation to carry on like this? What do you really want? I agree with others that this is setting a terrible example for you children which allows this male behaviour to perpetuate down generations, so I'd be very tempted to end the marriage. Or at least try couples counselling. In the meantime, stop doing anything for him. Make him do it himself.

Find yourself a hobby.. Be much less available for him. I hope you don't cook and wash his stuff? Plan a new future op. Without him in it.

Massive piss IMO. Him taking full evenings to bath would give me the ick

I know your DC are now older but has he always been like this ? Do your DC ever comment ?
One of my DSD is married to a man who prioritises golf, cycling , fishing and the pub . How she puts up with it I will never know !

I'm sorry OP, that sounds a difficult life for you (clearly not him, he's fine and dandy!). Just because your kids are teens now doesn't mean he can check out, this is when it's most important to be present for them, to ensure they're on the right track, not falling into bad habits, etc. Thank goodness they have you at least.

Sounds like he’s opting out of family life.

id guess you also work full time and do all the cleaning, life admin etc too.

he doesn’t want a wife, he wants a mum