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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is adultery ever justified

159 replies

Velvetpaws75 · 03/10/2023 10:11

Can it ever be morally justified to cheat on your partner whether married or not?
I have heard several people say it is fair enough if their sex life is absent or unsatisfying or they are otherwise unhappy in their relationship.
Personally I do not feel it is ever acceptable.
I think that if you are that unhappy either leave the relationship or get agreement that you can have sex with someone else.

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 19:56

What you need to remember is we're faced with the same temptations (sexless marriage at 25 here) and choose not to destroy our partners by cheating

Wow you are sooo much better than me. I bow down to you.

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 19:58

@kamboozled You have mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck what other people think (this is something that comes with age) especially some stranger on the internet who thinks they can tell me what to do.

Deathbyfluffy · 06/10/2023 20:03

MaxTalk · 06/10/2023 07:44

In a perfect world, yes.

In the real world, no.

It’s really not difficult - just keep your legs closed.
I don’t understand why so many people find not cheating such a difficult concept.

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:04

The misogyny on this thread is disgusting.

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:05

@JenniferBooth

You have mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck what other people think (this is something that comes with age) especially some stranger on the internet who thinks they can tell me what to do.

Then, with all due respect, why are you on this thread?

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:06

For a debate not to told what to do. Your marriage that you mentioned How old was your partner.

Berlinlover · 06/10/2023 20:06

I think it can be understandable in certain circumstances but don’t go blaming the OW/M if you get caught.

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:08

So what happens if the DH knows and is ok with it.

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:12

@JenniferBooth

None of your business. I wasn't 'telling you what to do' - I was gently reminding you that you don't ever have to cheat again if you make the choice not to

You are way to hostile for this debate...

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:15

And you are way too misogynistic.

Keep your legs closed indeed!

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:22

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:15

And you are way too misogynistic.

Keep your legs closed indeed!

And men keep it in their trousers I said - equal. If I disagree with both men and women cheating, how is it misogynistic?

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:23

What you need to remember is we're faced with the same temptations (sexless marriage at 25 here) and choose not to destroy our partners by cheating

Does it not destroy a partner to have their partner withdraw all affection and intimacy (notice its not just sex)

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:24

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:08

So what happens if the DH knows and is ok with it.

Why are you asking? I thought you said you aren't looking for vindication?

Are you suddenly wanting me to say "oh well on that situation..."?

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:25
  • I was gently reminding you that you don't ever have to cheat again if you make the choice not to

The word AGAIN implies that you think women in these situations cheat more than once with a string of men Like i said......misogyny

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:26

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:23

What you need to remember is we're faced with the same temptations (sexless marriage at 25 here) and choose not to destroy our partners by cheating

Does it not destroy a partner to have their partner withdraw all affection and intimacy (notice its not just sex)

Again, Why are you asking? I thought you said you aren't looking for vindication?

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:26

Tell you what You do you and i will do me, Im out. Enjoy!

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:29

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:25

  • I was gently reminding you that you don't ever have to cheat again if you make the choice not to

The word AGAIN implies that you think women in these situations cheat more than once with a string of men Like i said......misogyny

No. It implies that I think PEOPLE (both men and women) who have cheated before are more likely to cheat again

Which statically they are

Again, why are you making this a man/ woman issue?

kamboozled · 06/10/2023 20:34

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:26

Tell you what You do you and i will do me, Im out. Enjoy!

Yes, because the moment you come up against a good debate, instead of having a reasoned discussion you:

A) hurl abuse and swear words at me

B) call me (100% unfairly) misogynistic (my stance on not cheating is equal for men and women) - and the person who just said 'keep your legs closed' - only referring to women was @Deathbyfluffy

NOT ME. So don't call me misogynistic for someone ELSE'S comment!

zeibesaffron · 06/10/2023 20:35

Its not always so black or white - its a marriage ender for me personally - but It gave my lovely friend the courage to leave her very abusive boyfriend- she ended up marrying the man she had a one night stand with - they have 2 kids now and have been happy for over 20 years. She described the one night stand as giving her a glimmer of what life could be like!

jeaux90 · 06/10/2023 20:50

Yes it can be, I've seen quite a few people exit abusive relationships and be with the affair partner very happily.

I'd say if someone is abusive quite frankly they deserve to be cheated on.

MaxTalk · 06/10/2023 21:45

Deathbyfluffy · 06/10/2023 20:03

It’s really not difficult - just keep your legs closed.
I don’t understand why so many people find not cheating such a difficult concept.

And I don't understand why some people can't seem to understand others are not like them.

BadBadDecisions · 06/10/2023 22:35

Keep your legs closed is a gross turn of phrase.

Mountaineer0009 · 07/10/2023 00:46

JenniferBooth · 06/10/2023 20:08

So what happens if the DH knows and is ok with it.

then its an open relationship or a cuckold relationship

partypant · 07/10/2023 08:10

Marblessolveeverything · 03/10/2023 10:27

No. Leave first then move on - by no means stay in an unhappy/unsatisfying relationship but respect your partnership and yourself.

@kamboozled I think you are taking a very privileged position. People have very unique circumstances.

Married to someone who is no longer functioning mentally or physically as in a locked in type state. Someone whose partner is in a mental facility for basically life but whom for various reasons you can't divorce. Estranged partners who won't divorce and have dragged out proceedings for years. Abusive situations where one partner controls the other and the trapped one can't get out for fear of reprisals... to name a few situations.

partypant · 07/10/2023 08:14

A situation where a controlling dh from another country/culture would take your dc away to his home country and you'll never see them if you divorce him.... yet people in here will probably say that's your problem. Cheating is still not ok. Shit life. Shit marriage and no you are not allowed to seek happiness elsewhere

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