Am I The Problem? DH is bored (of sex/life?)

[UnicornDust20]

Hi Mums! I'm after some advice as my husband declared last night that he finds out sex boring, and I'm not sure if I'm being a bit too sensitive or I'm right in thinking he's expecting too much.

We have been together for 5 years with a 4 year old. Both work full time. We have sex roughly 3/4 times a week and both seemed to enjoy it. He's bought me stuff to dress up in, toys etc which we occasionally use.

Last night he said that he was bored of our sex - it's predictable, scheduled and he wants to try new things and be more spontaneous. I said we can try and I'm open to ideas, but spontaniety is a bit difficult working full time with a 4 year old. I do nearly all childcare and all housework, so by the end of the day I've not got much left to give.

Anyway, it erupted into an argument - he then went on to say he's fed up of seeing me in non-sexy underwear at night/no make up, he's bored of the general daily routine. I said perhaps if he helped me around the house I would have more energy for him. I got really upset about his comments and I still am, but he thinks I'm overreacting.

Please can I have an outside opinion? Am I being a wet blanket!?

By telling you that you're "not enough," he's justifying having an affair. Being an adult is mostly boring, grown up stuff. It's not glamorous or exciting, and it's definitely nothing like porn. This problem is likely MUCH bigger than wanting you to wear sexy jammies and mascara.

So he wants you to do everything and then drag on some hideously uncomfortable underwear, slap on make up and perform for him sexually? Fuck off. No. He sounds vile. And like he’s paving the way to misbehave and then blame you because you ‘didn’t make enough effort’.

I’d tell him to fuck himself, he’s a prize cunt after all.

Please tell me you’ve asked for help around the house and he’s now stepping up to make him self more sexy.

… that or you think you might get more help with a 50/50 arrangement.

There’s a reason that across all cultures unhappiness peaks in middle age, spouses like him.

I’ll be honest OP - I thought long and hard and almost typed a long post .. but tbh I can’t think if any reply you can give him
.. except feck right off ….

He sees you as cook and bottle washer with sexual services thrown in on tap … ugghhh ..

Wow. He's not very emotionally intelligent. I would feel very nervous having sex with a guy after he's made a comment like that!

pfffff.... he's an arsehole..

Gross. He is gross.

This 👆
Sigh
Tell him to fuck off OP.

Your husband is a twat
I'd definitely be done, if he was already like this while dating....I wouldn't have married nor had any kids with him..

He does not view you as a partner. Nor a person. He views you as a Stepford Wife...

It won't continue....if you keep allowing it.

Please learn to love and respect yourself.

So that you can find the courage to leave.

His behavior is abusive, disrespectful, and demeaning.

This is a very unhealthy relationship, and very toxic environment for all.

Please try and do better for your child.

Somehow I think the OP is not coming back…

it will continue .....if you keep allowing it.

3 to 4 times per week is a lot, especially when you have a 4 year old. Maybe he should count his blessings. And also help with the housework. Sounds like he just wants you to be a performing monkey. Clean the house, take care of the kid, work fulltime, make the meals, and then show up in fancy underwear for a circus performance.

Who could be bothered with all that? I would genuinely rather be on my own.

So many fucking selfish men who parenthood barely impacts because they’ve decided you do everything, and then blame the wife for lack of sexy! Selfish, thoughtless, thick and stereotypical lame bloke.

Every word of this. Where is your rage, OP? Find your fury and scorn then blast him to hell with it.

He sounds awful OP - an ignorant entitled waste of space.
I don't know what he brings to your relationship - clearly no practical or emotional support, affection or respect.
Tell him how you feel. Get him to pull his weight.
If he isn't up to it then find someone else, life is too short to live with these kind of men.

@ThreeBearsPorridge I think the OP is probably aware she's stuffed 'unless ' she gets out- stuck with a bloke for whom a dolled up partner offering free sex multiple times a week is the reason to be married- not teamwork or companionship or genuine love but a need to 'be serviced'- going to get the bloke moves on anyway- coz he's 'bored' of monogamy. To be frank he would be doing the lovely sounding OP a favour long term-

He sounds like a spoilt brat. Remove the 3/4 times a week and see how he gets on.

You have a full time job, a little one and do all the housework? He's an idiot, sweetheart. You deserve better treatment than that from him and yourself - you are definitely not a wet blanket.

@GrannyNannyMagratandGreebo You've resurrected a zombie from last year👻

Tell him to switch roles with you. You both obviously go to work as normal. But any household chores, domestic duties, childcare etc that you do on a regular basis get him to do. Give him a month (to be fair he probably couldn't hack it that long) and see how sexy he feels by the end of it. Twat!

Wow, you are not being a wet blanket. Needs to sort himself out.

🤦🤦🤦

^This^. Since when does a man who loves and fancies a woman give a flying fuck about no make-up or "sexy underwear"? Never! There is more to this. What a nasty, cheeky man. I would be absolutely gutted. You are being taken for granted and probably worse.

Tonight I've been talking with a bloke I know on a night out who said his mate "makes" his wife go to bed in makeup.

Zombie thread written by a robot