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Original poster

I'm assuming porn

87 replies

hellthe22 · 01/10/2023 11:04

Hi everyone . So I have been meeting up with a guy I have got on with so well over the last few months . Up until Friday we hadn't even kissed . I needed to take things slow . And I told him this and he was ok with it thankfully .

So last night we went on a date . We went to a beautiful restaurant in London and then when back to his apartment. We had planned to lay in bed watch films and eat loads of crap.

As soon as I got there we had a kiss and cuddle and went to bed . The film was on two minutes before we started kissing and then obviously that led to sex . I don't feel like he forced me at all but I didn't feel 100 percent really but at this point we got carried away and started doing it .

So this is where I'm thinking I don't know what's wrong . We had sex for 6 hours . Could be more and I am dead ! But all this time his Willy was going half soft and he couldn't finish at all !

He was very rough as well . Iv never had relationships where sex has been this way but he was holding me down hard with his hand in my wrists and grabbing my hair really hard.

Now what I have read on here it's got to be death grip maybe and I'm hoping that he's not really that aggressive in bed but he felt like maybe from watching porn 'he had been single for 2 years ' that that's what we want ? .

Apart from the sex he's the most caring and loving person I have met. But this is giving my the ick so bad . He even tried finishing himself off but it just wants happening .

Any advice what could be going on please ? Thankyou

OP posts:
C1N1C · 01/10/2023 11:16

Several things could be at play here...

Rough sex could just be his style. It might not be a sign of things with his personality, maybe an ex was a bit rough and he got into that style. But yes, it could be a subconscious personality at play (not gonna lie!).

For a man to stay hard that long with constant sex, your body sort of switches off. It does get very hard to ejaculate once you're in that zone, so not a sign of him used to something tighter or you being loose.

Also, (I'm no expert) but repetitive motions with sex make you psychologically 'bored'... women often complain about oral/manual play getting a bit samey if there's no variety and losing interest, and the same goes for men if it's just thrusting ad infinitum. He 'could' have tried to be forceful intentionally to keep up the stimulation variation and stay hard... but 6 hours even semi-hard is still impressive!

Could it also be that when he pulled your hair etc that you moaned? It might not have been normal for you, but if you were caught up in the moment and 'played along', he might have reciprocated with being rougher? (Feedback loop)

Original poster
hellthe22 · 01/10/2023 11:23

C1N1C · 01/10/2023 11:16

Several things could be at play here...

Rough sex could just be his style. It might not be a sign of things with his personality, maybe an ex was a bit rough and he got into that style. But yes, it could be a subconscious personality at play (not gonna lie!).

For a man to stay hard that long with constant sex, your body sort of switches off. It does get very hard to ejaculate once you're in that zone, so not a sign of him used to something tighter or you being loose.

Also, (I'm no expert) but repetitive motions with sex make you psychologically 'bored'... women often complain about oral/manual play getting a bit samey if there's no variety and losing interest, and the same goes for men if it's just thrusting ad infinitum. He 'could' have tried to be forceful intentionally to keep up the stimulation variation and stay hard... but 6 hours even semi-hard is still impressive!

Could it also be that when he pulled your hair etc that you moaned? It might not have been normal for you, but if you were caught up in the moment and 'played along', he might have reciprocated with being rougher? (Feedback loop)

😂😂😂😂😂 I know it's impressive I'm in work now and can barely walk 😂😂😂😂!

I will have to ask him all this. Maybe tho I just think it's so unusual because my ex's have never ever been in to any of this stuff 😂. I'm too scared to go back to his later now

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 01/10/2023 11:24

Six hours! And he was rough with you. Did you feel safe? I would've started to panic.

Bouledeneige · 01/10/2023 11:26

Well these are things to talk about - if you think its worth it for a relationship. Unfortunately I had a few experiences with men in their 40s and 50s who can no longer finish or stay fully hard and then keep sawing away ad infinitum. So you really need to say to him please stop I can't take any more (in a nice way) and maybe offer to finish him off. But sometimes that's still not enough/won't work. There are a number of possible reasons - not necessarily the death grip, can also be nerves, the tackle just isn't working too well, blood pressures issues or if they are on anti-depressants... Its too early to say but I had a couple of relationships where this never improved and underneath, however much I like them, I got tired of it.

With the roughness that can be because of porn. You just have to tell him you don't like it and its a turn off. New relationships need to find their rhythm and what works for both partners.

But the communications are only really worth it if you want to continue seeing him. Depends how much of an ick you've got!

Original poster
hellthe22 · 01/10/2023 11:26

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/10/2023 11:24

Six hours! And he was rough with you. Did you feel safe? I would've started to panic.

6 bloody hours and the rest 😂. I did feel safe . But I was and still can't get my head around how I thought he would be based on his personality. And then too what was happening. I can't put the two sides of him together

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/10/2023 11:58

ee my God 6 hours!! Maybe death grip, or maybe a bit of performance anxiety?

Olika · 01/10/2023 12:02

As long as you felt safe maybe give it another shot and if needed have a convo of what kind of sex you like.

HowAmYa · 01/10/2023 12:06

Oh god. Six hours is fucking awful. I also think for your first time with him, him being rough enough for you to be concerned is incredibly irresponsible and very, very disrespectful of you, and your body and what you would want during sex.

A little bit of rough is only fine when both parties have actually spoken about it and the participator (you) have actually asked for this.

I'm sorry but this would be enough for me to call it a day. The most vulnerable part of you is when your clothes are off. And if he is like this when you're naked, what he's like the rest of the time doesn't matter, I wouldn't be able to get over my concern, my ick and the fact that the guy was being rough when I hadn't asked him to be

Morewineplease10 · 01/10/2023 12:06

This sounds fucking horrible tbh. Did he not ask you if you were into that?

It's not on at all for him to have done thst without any sort of discussion or indication from you that thats your thing.

Bobbotgegrinch · 01/10/2023 12:51

Does it really matter what the cause is?

You didn't enjoy it, he's given you the ick. Move on

IaskUanswer · 01/10/2023 17:12

He and the sex sounds absolutely awful.
I would go no contact and can’t understand pp saying to give it another go 🫨

I know being into ’rough’ stuff is considered to be cool and all these days.
But I was under the impression these things are talked about / asked if everyone is okey with this, that and those.
And not just spring it on to people.
Isin’t that what the ’kinkster’ pride themselves of: being into consent and communication. Safe and sane or some crap like that.
Massive red flag.

Oldraver · 01/10/2023 17:17

Like previous posters have said to he went rough on you without any discussion would be an instant stackable offence

Spin66 · 01/10/2023 17:21

Coke user

Munchyseeds2 · 01/10/2023 18:22

I probably wouldn't be going back for round 2 to be honest!

CallmeDawnthen · 01/10/2023 18:35

@Spin66 Yep!

Spin66 · 01/10/2023 19:10

CallmeDawnthen · 01/10/2023 18:35

@Spin66 Yep!

Great minds...😉

OP, just sit back and realistically think about what you are asking ? 🤦‍♀️

Loubelle70 · 01/10/2023 19:18

Id have put a stop to that after half hour 🤣. Soon as he was rough that would be a no..pulling hair etc?. It is in some porn where the man pulls hair etc and is rough. ED can be a result of too much porn, it switches off normal receptors. My ex stopped wanting sex though...when we did he couldnt get hard ..i found loads porn on his laptop, 2 hours at a time. It could be porn or not. I wouldn't have sex again after that roughness anyway...if youre in a long term relationship you can agree the perimeters.

GilbertMarkham · 01/10/2023 19:25

Being rough with someone the first time you have sex, without any prior discussion/agreement, is inappropriate.

It could be porn .... But even if it is you're not porn actors (where it would be agreed in any legit. porn), you're just ordinary ppl having sex so it's inappropriate.

Personally I think he clearly has ED issues and was trying to rev himself up and get more turned on and finish by being rough. Which doesn't reflect very well on his sexuality.

And again, he shouldnt have been doing that without your explicit consent and encouragement.

It sounds all round shit.

GilbertMarkham · 01/10/2023 19:27

Maybe the coke thing is an issue too.

Who could be arsed with sex like that anyway.

I like nice functional men sexually; and there are plenty around so ...

rwalker · 01/10/2023 19:38

Sounds like he went all out to impress you
unfortunately it seems to if had the opposite effect
if you fancy another go just be clear before the offset

Legselevens · 01/10/2023 20:27

Cocaine? due to the longevity

Lemsipper · 01/10/2023 20:35

6 hours??? Jesus 10 minutes is all I want

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2023 20:40

I'm too scared to go back to his later now

Why would you? Rough sex with no prior discussion is instant dismissal. I know times have changed but I remember my girlfriends and I saying in our early 20s that anything dodgy first time was a never-repeat.

Now it's all strangling, slapping, head-holding, anal and the like. Give me the Joy of Sex days back.

JamSandle · 01/10/2023 20:40

Who wants to have sex for six hours? And he just assumed you wanted rough sex?

Ginger1982 · 01/10/2023 20:53

Six hours? No way would I want to be doing it for 6 hours. At what point during this marathon did you come?

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