Gutted that my GF left me

[Hello50304]

Im 26 years of age and I was dating this lovely girl (23) for three months but the other day she admitted that she doesnt have feelings for me. We never had sex as we were both inexperienced (im still a virgin) but she was actually my first kiss. Im boring as I dont like going out clubbing or partying, I prefer walks and just sitting at home watching a movie while eating a takeaway instead of going out to fancy restraunts. She was the very same as me and im also autistic/socially awkward so I've always struggled with women. I dont use instagram or any social media and she was the same but I know most women would think im weird or boring. She was exactly my type as she was very natural looking and even her family were lovely people, she was the type of woman who I seen myself having kids with and she also wanted kids so we were compatible. I also loved the fact that we didnt text that much and we gave each other our own space, I really tried and I brought her lots of gifts but she said that she no longer has feelings for me

But most women these days have instagram and love uploading pics to social media, they would think im "cheap" just because I dont like fancy restraunts and like going on walks, they would constantly be on there phone, they all follow the same beauty standard while my Ex was just "plain" and wore normal clothes that looked nice which is what I loved about her (and I thought she was gorgous)

Thats all I want is a nice easy going woman who wants to have kids someday but modern day dating is fucked, most girls wouldnt even go out with you if your making less than them and I also loved the fact that she was inexperienced like me so she didnt have Ex's randomly showing up in our life.

I also dont really have a big social circle and she was the same although she was a very bubbly and chatty girl, most women would think me not having many friends or not constantly texting them is a redflag.

I dont even know how im going to find a woman now because most women will think im boring or weird. She motivated me as I thought to myself "I have a lovely woman so now I need to work lots of hours and gather in as much money so that one day I can get a mortgage for a house so we can move in together".

Especially if your socially awkward and autistic like myself, your literally fucked as a man unless you have lots of money and get yourself a gold digger

Erm I’m sure there are lots of lovely women out there who are rocking the natural look. Those you see on social media are self selective. If it’s not your thing then you’re not on it right?

I do think you sound like you’ve got issues with women. It’s fine to like walks and home cooking but after 3 months and no intimacy then it’s probably not going places. Also buying someone gifts doesn’t equate to showing them that you care/ desire/respect them.

Maybe she dumped you because you're quite judgemental towards women. Just a thought.

Gosh you sound like a younger version of my ex. I tried so hard, had children with him and created a home, but actually he was very misogynistic and is incredibly bitter and manipulative. Everything is always someone else’s fault.
You are as of value as anyone else; all humans are capable of loving and being loved. Work on you, the rest will be helped by that.
And don’t bad mouth women or put us on pedestals - we are all just trying.
Work hard for your finances, no excuses.

Perhaps work on changing your attitude towards women because you come across as having quite a bit of contempt for women.

You sound like an incel to be honest.

Most people want more from life than sitting at home or going for a walk.

A relationship with someone who only wanted that wouldn't be for me.

That you think women are gold diggers if they want more from life than you do is a huge red flag.

Your lack of experience would also be off putting.

You need to make sn effort to broaden your horizons a bit. Join some sports clubs or hobby based clubs. Get out and about a bit.

But most women [...] would think im "cheap"
they would constantly be on there phone
most girls wouldnt even go out with you if your making less than them
most women would think me not having many friends or not constantly texting them is a redflag
most women will think im boring or weird

There's a long list there of what you think women think about you.

You know women are people, right? Like men. Who like different things, have different tastes and expectations, different hobbies, different interests, and who choose different partners.

You're talking as if "women" and "men" are one homogenous group who all like the same things and act the same way.

One thing I can tell you is that most women are not going to be interested in a man who is so low in self-esteem that he slags off imaginary women who he's never met but thinks wouldn't be interested in him. It's like some horrible kind of self-sabotaging negging loop and no woman with any self-respect is going to get involved in that.

You've got a really sad attitude.

You're not fucked.

You're also not boring if you don't like clubbing, there's plenty of girls out there who aren't vacuous and only interested in fancy restaurants.

Ew. Being a misogynist isn’t desirable.

@Highlyflavouredgravy we went out for day trips to places like museums, zoo's, shopping etc and I know my lack of experience is a turn off. By the way im not slagging modern day women off but I know that im not compatible with most of them. I dont like texting, Im not into social media, I dont really like eating out at restaunts, I dont have that many friends, im not that outgoing and I have never been into clubs or partying (I'll have the odd beer but thats it)

"modern day women". Did you fall out of a time machine?

PP's are correct, you sound like an incel.

You really despise women, don’t you? we’re not a lesser species, you know.

What’s the thread for, did you have a question? We get it, you’re not like other boys, cool. But it’s giving incel.

It’s inevitable that women think “all men are like this” and men think “all women are like this” but do try not to do this. Every woman is a unique individual. There are women your age who are goths, steam punk fans, wear 1950s clothes, dress in sportswear, hate makeup, love makeup etc … What someone wears can’t be your reason for dating them as she might change her style the following year.

The best thing you can do is have lots of hobbies and activities. You are still very young and might not meet the right woman for many years yet. Just try to enjoy living and being open to new ideas.

There might be a woman out there who will be perfect for you in 2029 but not at the moment.

'i hate women and make no effort to be pleasant to be around, but why won't girls date me?'. I dunno mate it's a mystery.

What are you hoping for from this thread? Women generally want some kind of social life, certainly in their twenties. I wouldn’t have wasted any more time if after three months we were watching tv and having zero intimacy or doing anything beyond a walk.

@AgentProvocateur lol how do I despise women? Its hard even finding a relationship now as most girls want to have fun and not want anything serious, Im not into one night stands

what’s the thread for?

OP, I think you need to post on the neurodiverse mumsnetters board. I’m also neurodivergent and a hell of a lot older than you. And I think some of the responders are not putting themselves in your shoes.

I'm sorry you feel bad that she didn't want to take things any further. That's her choice.
I think you're wrong about ' most women' . I also think a lot of the things you say made you compatible ate very surface level things , such as her appearance and her potentially wanting kids later. That makes me think that you didn't get to know her as a full person.
Maybe look into autistic dating sites?

No wonder you're not finding anyone with your attitude and you're wrong

@Pleaseme is spot on. There are millions of lovely young women out there, lots of them like you, but if you have an attitude that a woman is a 'gold-digger' because she has different tastes to you, that's pretty offensive.

You were together 3 months but no intimacy, that sounds like the relationship just died a death. You say she was bubbly & outgoing, so why would you think she would want to stay in every night or just go for a walk.

You don't have to go to fancy restaurants. You were dating through the summer, did you never take her to the beach or a music night at a local pub, or just out for a day trip to the nearest city? Bit of sightseeing? Or a shared sport? Or a county show. Relationships are meant to be fun where you do new things together.

So lose all the nasty sexist assumptions and put a bit more thought into a new relationship. It doesn't have to be expensive but it should be enjoyable.

@icelollycraving but then do you expect the man to plan stuff? Because we went on day trips to places but I felt like it was always me making the plans

I agree with Genx

Try the neuro diverse board
lots of these reply's are unkind and have no understanding for ND

My dd is ND and I'd hate for her to be treated like you are right now in this thread.

I understand you don't like social media/online stuff but how do you plan to meet like-minded people? Do you have a hobby or interest that you could meet people through and make like minded friends?

When you meet someone you think might be special to you get to know their personality and slowly let them know why you think they are special. A person wants to know why you like them for their personality they wouldn't want to think you like them and want a relationship with them just because they don't do makeup/social media and also want kids.

Compromise is slso important in a relationship. So you don't like going out for meals but perhaps you could do it once in a while if your partner wanted to - because you care about them and are willing to compromise? Perhaps in turn they will do an activity with you that they wouldn't normally bother with because that is what you would like to do.

Humans are a very diverse species. Male and female. However, the narrower your social circle, the more it seems that most people conform to a certain mainstream type. This is because you're not seeing those less popular but perhaps more like you groups. Age also plays a part because many younger people feel pressure to conform that eases as they get older. Some of those people who post on Insta etc are doing so because it's an expectation, not because they have any real love for it. Giving people a chance to show you who they really are on the inside not just the mainstream conforming outside might lead you to have easier social relationships.

There are three strategies to tackle this.
1 get out there more. The more people you meet the more different types of people you'll meet (appreciate this may not be easy if you're uncomfortable in social situations)
2 talk to people more. Show some interest instead of dismissing them. Give them a chance to show you their real interests
3 put yourself in situations where you are likely to meet like-minded people. E.g popular walking spots or join a walking club.