Gutted that my GF left me

[Hello50304]

Im 26 years of age and I was dating this lovely girl (23) for three months but the other day she admitted that she doesnt have feelings for me. We never had sex as we were both inexperienced (im still a virgin) but she was actually my first kiss. Im boring as I dont like going out clubbing or partying, I prefer walks and just sitting at home watching a movie while eating a takeaway instead of going out to fancy restraunts. She was the very same as me and im also autistic/socially awkward so I've always struggled with women. I dont use instagram or any social media and she was the same but I know most women would think im weird or boring. She was exactly my type as she was very natural looking and even her family were lovely people, she was the type of woman who I seen myself having kids with and she also wanted kids so we were compatible. I also loved the fact that we didnt text that much and we gave each other our own space, I really tried and I brought her lots of gifts but she said that she no longer has feelings for me

But most women these days have instagram and love uploading pics to social media, they would think im "cheap" just because I dont like fancy restraunts and like going on walks, they would constantly be on there phone, they all follow the same beauty standard while my Ex was just "plain" and wore normal clothes that looked nice which is what I loved about her (and I thought she was gorgous)

Thats all I want is a nice easy going woman who wants to have kids someday but modern day dating is fucked, most girls wouldnt even go out with you if your making less than them and I also loved the fact that she was inexperienced like me so she didnt have Ex's randomly showing up in our life.

I also dont really have a big social circle and she was the same although she was a very bubbly and chatty girl, most women would think me not having many friends or not constantly texting them is a redflag.

I dont even know how im going to find a woman now because most women will think im boring or weird. She motivated me as I thought to myself "I have a lovely woman so now I need to work lots of hours and gather in as much money so that one day I can get a mortgage for a house so we can move in together".

Especially if your socially awkward and autistic like myself, your literally fucked as a man unless you have lots of money and get yourself a gold digger

There's a lot of unkindness and a lack of understanding on this thread. This young man has autism, for crying out loud. He' not an incel or a misogynist. He's just trying to make sense of things. Have a bit of empathy, vipers!

This young man has autism, for crying out loud. He's not an incel or a misogynist.

My nephew has autism and yet he doesn’t make inaccurate and degrading generalizations about women. The two aren’t connected.

This young man may indeed have autism but he also has misogynist beliefs. His beliefs about “what modern women want” most likely came from incel or “men’s rights” forums or websites, as I doubt he has enough in-depth, real-world experience with women to make blanket claims about “what they want”.

Are you a member of a church? Can I recommend joining an evangelical, conservative Church with lots of young members. You will meet lots of women who don't believe in sex before marriage and might have interests more in line with yours.

I think you're getting a hard time OP. Yes, you may have generalised about women, but then again, in general, most women are very different to you, are more into their image and socialising than suits you, and aren't ND. That's just a fact, not misogyny.

There are ND women out there who similarly don't feel affinity to most men. The good news is that they are probably single too! You just need to find them... The internet is a great tool for that!

Yeah I think it would help if you actually respected women before you started dating again tbh

Yes. I wonder where these ideas about 'most women' are coming from. I assume OP has been on the internet trying to make sense of things and is listening to the wrong people.

OP whenever you find yourself negatively judging 'most women' that is misogyny. My advice, join a walking group. You like walks, you like people who aren't online, you need to meet people in the real world.

But bear in mind that any woman with sense won't date a man who talks about her being 'not like other girls'. Women with good sense like other girls.

To me, it seems as though she just didn't fancy you. But because you were nice to her and seemed a nice guy, she stuck it out a while thinking maybe feelings of attraction/lust/desire might manifest... unfortunately, they didn't. She sees you like a friend/brother, not a lover.

You are judgy and mean about women (not girls) who don't like what you like.

Be better

This is an excellent point. I know a young man (not as judgy as OP) who has met a lovely wonam through his church. Their life outlooks are alligned

You’re very judgemental of people who are not like you! That’s not very nice is it.

What do you bring to the table? It certainly isn’t fun that’s for sure.

Very gently, you can’t make the generalisations about women as they don’t hold true and are reflecting your beliefs about women that you have come to a conclusion to from a fundamental error in your thinking due to lack of experience, both real life and online.

My daughter is a similar age to you and she and none of her friends are like what you describe. Her partner has autism and most of her friends are neurodiverse in some way, her brother has autism too.

The most sensible thing for you to do now is find some groups that have activities you are interested in and go and meet people of all different ages. Make friends and learn about them as individuals and see how different everyone is. Also look at some sites for people with autism and connect within others on a friendship level to start with .

While it’s perfectly acceptable to have different interests from other people your age OP, you need to be a bit careful so you don’t completely alienate yourself. No girl worth your while would judge you for not being a big drinker or for not using social media. That’s fine, we are all different, but you should also not judge her if she sometimes goes to a club with a few friends or does like Instagram. This does not make her shallow or fundamentally different from yourself. It’s possible to like everything you listed but also think there’s a time and a place for other things.
One thing that stood out for me was that you say you treated your ex to presents but didn’t spend much time with her. That would be a problem for me. I don’t need expensive presents, I don’t want to be treated to fancy meals all the time (there are many girls who’d insist on taking turns paying anyway!!), I don’t need someone who checks up on where I am all the time … but I do want someone who cares about me and wants to spend time with me. I’d completely understand if you for ND reasons couldn’t cope with the intensity every single night, but then you’d have to explain that to me nicely and show me you care in other ways. So on a night where you need alone time, I’d make room for a nice phone call instead checking in and making plans for the following day. You can’t have everything on your terms, that’s not a relationship. You do have to have open and honest communication with people. I don’t think your ex found you boring, but she clearly felt she wasn’t as valued and loved by you as you say you felt.

I agree that going to a church might be the way forward. Good luck.

Op. All your interests are very passive. Watching TV, food, waking around the zoo. Do you have any more active interests? Craft, writing, sport, collections, even something like contributing to a forum that discusses films would be good.

My husband collects and repairs 80s game machines, I make science fiction artwork and fanfiction. We found each other and married and had kids. There are people out there for you but it is so so important to cultivate yourself first and foremost so there is something for someone else to love about you, however unusual.

The last long term relationship I had before my current one was with a guy quite like you. I liked him, we watched a lot of niech TV shows, we gamed together etc. However it was like he lost all ambition when he was with me, his only long term goal was to stay with me, he was doing a degree at the time but he told me he would 'just follow me around and work in a shop' instead of having a career. this was an intelligent 22 year old in university! Out relationship didn't last long after that conversation.

This is the early makings of an incel.
Your judgement towards women is gross. Get a fucking grip. We don't owe you, or any other man shit.

And the comments toward "modern day women" is nothing to do with being ND - I'm sorry, but that's an excuse in this case. There are plenty of ND men who wouldn't speak about women in this way.

Your lack of luck with women is probably less due to your like of walks, and more to do with your insulating, sexist and patronising sweeping generalisations about women. The way you talk about women feels like you hate women and think that any woman who doesn’t want to date you must have a character flaw. I suggest you change that attitude and might have more luck.

And yes like a PP said, being autistic isn’t an excuse for sexism and giving off serious incel vibes…

Since when is being ND an excuse for being misogynistic and nasty about women.

Yeah....coming on a woman's forum and calling women a bunch of gold diggers is never going to go well for you, OP.....

Hi Op

What happened here is that you weren’t compatible with your ex. Not always someone’s ‘fault’.

I’m not sure why you posted here other than to get some advice, so here goes:

As mentioned by a PP, it’s too eager and too soon to start thinking about saving for a mortgage with someone you’ve been with for 3 months and had no intimacy with. Definitely start saving for property ownership as something great for yourself, don’t depend on meeting someone else and hoping for lifelong commitment after 3 months.

I get the clubbing thing as I was never into clubbing at all, even at uni. Doesn’t mean you won’t be able to find another woman who isn’t. I didn’t like clubbing, but was able to make friends and have partners.

It’s ok that other women are into social media and this shouldn’t make a difference. They can still post on social media without you needing to be involved. I know plenty of couples where one partner posts on social media, and the other doesn’t have it at all.

With restaurants, you’ve mentioned both ‘fancy restaurants’ and just ‘restaurants’. I think this is where you may need to learn the value of compromise. Sometimes we do things with our partners that we don’t always enioy doing ourselves, but I think eating at a restaurant is a fair request. It’s a nice medium between having to cook, or having a very unhealthy takeaway.

I do agree with other posters though that your attitude towards women needs improving/developing and I hope you can find the right sources for support with this.

He’s made a few comments that have made the liberals howl, but everyone is entitled to express their own preferences and view of what they witness within their limited circle. Lots of people find dating to be exhausting, and despair at it. The amount of comments I read on here about men, what men are like, leave the bastard for every minor as well as major infraction, I’m the one howling here, as it’s perfectly acceptable for women to make comments on “men in general” based on their experiences, but not ok for the OP to express his own frustration at feeling he just isn’t meeting someone that he “fits with”. He’s 26, in many ways he’s still a boy and starting out in life. Especially due to his lack of experience. Give him a break. Some have said go to church, I’d suggest that anyway, but more for yourself than meeting a woman. If you’re meant to then meet someone there, it will happen

you sound very unpleasant so I can understand why she called it a day.

your comments about other people, women in particular, give off a very bitter and mean vibe. Even things you've said about your ex are not that nice...you liked her appearance and that she didn't bother you with texting. Great basis for a a relationship.

btw, if you're perpetual negative nancy then you will find yourself expected to always be the one doing the planning - because chances are you won't like ideas of other people and this really kills any desire to plan for things

@Sapphire3 26 is absolutely not being a "boy" and if he is looking for a stable relationship and to settle down then he definitely should not be a "boy"

I get what you’re saying, and yes women here make generalisations about men based on our own multiple experiences of men of abuse, not helping or contributing enough with children, treating us like servants etc. And yes hopefully we also acknowledge that all men aren’t like that.

And while it’s perfectly ok to not be compatible with some other women and to have your own preferences, I think Op’s preference that this gf doesn’t go to restaurants, text or post social media is extreme and a bit concerning.

Okay here goes. My eldest Grandson is 18 ( ASD/ Aspergers/ dyspraxia) for the last year he's been seeing his G/ F.. she lives 400 miles away.. ( also ASD)they are both at college.. he travels on the train at weekends to be with her. She does the same..they both live at home and are made welcome by both families.
He is looking for a p/t job( she has one). He also gets some PIP which helps..
Many people of all ages have set backs in relationships. Young people especially and first relationships can be hard.. but please don't give up.
There is someone for everyone.
I wish you all the best.