Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Annoyed over money

102 replies

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:10

My partner earns more than me, we live together with my 2 kids who aren't to him and I get CM for 1 of my kids from their dad.
He earns a lot more than me. He gives me money towards the house each week , tbh it doesn't go far.
On a weekend if we go on a night out he'll pay but otherwise he doesn't spend anything, where as I'm spending on bits of food shopping/ things for his packed lunch, topping up gas and electricity etc.
I just said to him about the amount I've spent on things for the house the past few days and how I'm worried about money and still need to do a food shop this weekend.
He snapped at me saying he wants to see his grandson on Sunday , then denied snapping at me . He does this a lot and I hate it makes me feel like I'm lying or making it up.
It's his favourite grandchild and he's saying I haven't seen him for a while. I'm not said don't go see him , only we need a food shop and I'm worried about money.
We don't share savings or anything as the kids are mine , I'm not expecting that but I don't think he realises the cost of things. I'm paying the bills too- gas electricity water council tax.
He does have debts that are his and his kids and his car is a big expense.
I know he loves me but at times I get annoyed with the finances and him not wanting to discuss it.
He's now ignoring me 🙄.

OP posts:
Janieforever · 23/09/2023 08:12

Ok well what percentage does he pay, it isn’t really clear. He should be paying 25% of the costs, so you and the father support your kids.

Original poster
Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:21

When I've worked it out about 10% of household costs. I'm not including if we have a night out there- we go out maybe once a month.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/09/2023 08:28

I'm not sure about that percentage by the pp - that really makes moving in with a single parent a user & cheapskate's dream. The children come as part of the package and would expect a step-parent to be acting as part of a blended family, not acting as if they have nothing to do with the children. Ridiculous for one party to be struggling while the other is fine - that's not partnership.

But anyway, if he's not contributing fairly to the household, you need to discuss it and have him up his share.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 23/09/2023 08:28

Perhaps you could change what he contributes to so it is more reliable and used for the essentials. A night out is a nice-to-have but that would be the first to go if you need to put food on the table and pay basic bills.

I would increase his % contribution to the bills (gas, electric, water, council tax, house insurance, rent etc (I’m not sure if you have a mortgage), and his food and then you can split the bill when you go out and you will feel less resentful and have more money coming in regularly.

category12 · 23/09/2023 08:29

10% is ludicrously low as a contribution.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 23/09/2023 08:30

(The alternative of course is that he finds his own place to live and pays all his bills himself and you would be entitled to a reduction in council tax and housing contributions etc as a single parent)

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 23/09/2023 08:31

Well he saw your coming OP! He's living off you and taking money away from your children!!

This is awful. You need to either kick him out if he refuses to start paying 50 percent.

LadyBird1973 · 23/09/2023 08:35

The fact that he's living with you means you lose single person discount on council tax alone! He, as the other adult, should he paying half the rent (or equivalent of you have a mortgage), and a fair contribution to utilities and food - at least 25% imo.
Obviously the direct costs of the children are yours but living with someone who is tight financially is such a passion killer. He's supposed to want to make your life easier and the fact that he doesn't, isn't love as I would perceive it!

Ragruggers · 23/09/2023 08:37

He sounds as if he likes living with you because it is very cheap.Hisdebts and car are not your problem are they?Workout exactly what your overheads are and how much you are spending then show how much he pays and is this fair.I suggest he moves out finds his own place and you concentrate on your children.Rememberhe is not paying his share and leaving you short of food for the weekend.Put a stop to this now.Good luck.

alwaysmovingforwards · 23/09/2023 08:38

Adults should 50:50 housing / general living cost.

You and the CM takes care of specifics for you children.

kweeble · 23/09/2023 08:39

He needs to pay half of household costs and you pay for children’s clothes and activities. He’s angry because he’s mean and knows he’s being unfair. Surely you’d be better off if he moved out?

Original poster
Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:40

It's a rented property.
The gas and electricity are on keys so I downloaded the apps to top up on his phone so he would get alerts when money is low but he doesn't even look at them.
He has said before if you need more money ask, well I don't like to ask because when I have before he snaps like today or says I've got my car coming out or my kids debt .
I feel like I'm begging asking for more money or like I'm money grabbing.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 23/09/2023 08:42

He sounds like a scrounger, if you’re paying for gas, electric, food shopping etc what’s he actually contributing financially to the household?

Who pays the rent/mortgage?

You need to work out a budget and what a fair split is on household bills, if he’s not prepared to pay what he should despite earning more you should reconsider this relationship, why should you subsidise a grown man!

GrazingSheep · 23/09/2023 08:42

What is so great about him that you are willing to spend money on him that should be used to support your family?

Ragruggers · 23/09/2023 08:43

Tell him to move out.What joy does he bring?You are worth more than this.You can do this.

category12 · 23/09/2023 08:47

He's the money-grabbing one - fancy moving in with someone and paying 10% of costs!

He's mugging you off.

You're paying to have a boyfriend.

Changingplace · 23/09/2023 08:48

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:40

It's a rented property.
The gas and electricity are on keys so I downloaded the apps to top up on his phone so he would get alerts when money is low but he doesn't even look at them.
He has said before if you need more money ask, well I don't like to ask because when I have before he snaps like today or says I've got my car coming out or my kids debt .
I feel like I'm begging asking for more money or like I'm money grabbing.

On the gas/electric work out what you spend on average per month, put that along with all household bills including rent and food shops into a budget and as he earns more he should contribute more than 50% of that cost, transferred to you if the bills come from your account in one go every month (assuming he gets paid monthly).

If he won’t agree I’d kick him out, hes taking you for a ride.

Epidote · 23/09/2023 08:48

He doesn't know how much live it cost because he is living nearly free of charge.

Tell him to move out/ Pay at least a significant contribution to cover his expenses. You will have more money to spend whichever you choose.

Ragwort · 23/09/2023 08:51

Who's the name is the property in? Did he move in with you or did you rent it together?

Honestly, some men are just leeches ... what does he being to your life? Work on getting him out of this situation and be independent.

Original poster
Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:54

The house is in my name. I have said to him last week...this is how much electricity we use each month and gas. He says that as he can work away 2 nights some weeks that he doesn't use a lot- his clothes still use electricity when they're washed, dried and ironed.

OP posts:
Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 23/09/2023 08:58

I would find out asap how much you would be entitled to as a single parent and how you go about claiming. You might be a lot better off financially without him. His car, debt and costs for his children are not your problem.

If he refuses to pay his half of all bills (which you need to calculate and give him a monthly figure he has to transfer to you at the start of the month), be prepared to demand his key back and pack his bags.

Epidote · 23/09/2023 08:58

He is making excuses to not make a proper contribution.
You need to be firm and clear. Free accommodation is not an option anymore.

Tbf I would get rid of him. He sounds like very hard work.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 23/09/2023 09:00

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:54

The house is in my name. I have said to him last week...this is how much electricity we use each month and gas. He says that as he can work away 2 nights some weeks that he doesn't use a lot- his clothes still use electricity when they're washed, dried and ironed.

He's absolutely horrendous! Trying to claim a reduction because he works away.

Pls pls stop this man stealing from your children. You need to prioritise them, not him

MintJulia · 23/09/2023 09:03

Work out how much you have spent on bills in each of the last twelve months - food, gas, electricity, rent.

If your dcs are primary age, your partner should be paying a third of all bills. If you have two adult-size teens, he should paying a quarter. He should also pay half council tax. Work it out as a monthly amount and tell him that's his contribution going forward, to be paid on the 1st of the month.

Him working away, one or two days a week makes no difference. Standing charges still need paying as does rent & council tax, and I bet you still do his washing when he gets home.

If he doesn't like it he leaves. No negotiation. Life is MUCH less expensive without a free-loading cock lodger.

TwilightSkies · 23/09/2023 09:03

You are being financially abused OP. Get rid!