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Original poster

Annoyed over money

102 replies

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:10

My partner earns more than me, we live together with my 2 kids who aren't to him and I get CM for 1 of my kids from their dad.
He earns a lot more than me. He gives me money towards the house each week , tbh it doesn't go far.
On a weekend if we go on a night out he'll pay but otherwise he doesn't spend anything, where as I'm spending on bits of food shopping/ things for his packed lunch, topping up gas and electricity etc.
I just said to him about the amount I've spent on things for the house the past few days and how I'm worried about money and still need to do a food shop this weekend.
He snapped at me saying he wants to see his grandson on Sunday , then denied snapping at me . He does this a lot and I hate it makes me feel like I'm lying or making it up.
It's his favourite grandchild and he's saying I haven't seen him for a while. I'm not said don't go see him , only we need a food shop and I'm worried about money.
We don't share savings or anything as the kids are mine , I'm not expecting that but I don't think he realises the cost of things. I'm paying the bills too- gas electricity water council tax.
He does have debts that are his and his kids and his car is a big expense.
I know he loves me but at times I get annoyed with the finances and him not wanting to discuss it.
He's now ignoring me 🙄.

OP posts:
MaxTalk · 23/09/2023 09:06

Get a better paid job. No idea why anyone relies on someone else to provide for them..it needs to huge resentment.

category12 · 23/09/2023 09:09

Him being away doesn't mean he has no costs incurred in the household. If he was renting his own place, he'd still gave to pay rent, electricity, water, council tax etc etc.

He's literally treating your home like a hotel. Only you shag him and do his washing as well 🙄

I can see what he gets out of it.* *

Original poster
Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 09:09

@MaxTalk I'm not expecting him to provide for me- for him to pay fairly towards his living.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/09/2023 09:10

MaxTalk · 23/09/2023 09:06

Get a better paid job. No idea why anyone relies on someone else to provide for them..it needs to huge resentment.

Her getting a better job doesn't remove his obligation to pay fairly into a household he shares.

50lessfat · 23/09/2023 09:11

You would be better off on your own he is selfish.

Changingplace · 23/09/2023 09:12

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:54

The house is in my name. I have said to him last week...this is how much electricity we use each month and gas. He says that as he can work away 2 nights some weeks that he doesn't use a lot- his clothes still use electricity when they're washed, dried and ironed.

What an absolute joke of a man, this is laughable and pathetic.

I would have no respect for a grown adult who came out with such nonsense.

He needs to pay his way or leave, you’d be better off financially without him leeching off you.

Purpleraiin · 23/09/2023 09:12

This is really unfair. When I lived with my ex it was us two and my two children from a previous relationship. He paid the rent and I covered the other bills. It worked out about 50/50 which is why we did it that way and we took it in turns with take aways/meals out weather it was for us both or the four of us.
It was never an issue that my kids weren't his and never suggested I should contribute more because of this. He's taking the piss out of you with this arrangement!!

Original poster
Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 09:13

I've been stupid in not being firmer about contributions and letting him get away with it whenever I bring it up because he sulks and snaps.
I even topped up the electricity when I was away because he reckons he didn't know how to do it.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 23/09/2023 09:13

MaxTalk · 23/09/2023 09:06

Get a better paid job. No idea why anyone relies on someone else to provide for them..it needs to huge resentment.

It’s the OPs partner who is expecting to be provided for here, he’s the one not paying his way.

Mrsttcno1 · 23/09/2023 09:14

If he lives with you full time OP he definitely needs to be contributing more. Could you possibly sit down together and go over what all of the “household” outgoings are, because it may be that he just doesn’t realise how much they are? Like my DH tends to handle that side of our household “admin”, we have joint accounts etc and everything is shared and is “family money” for us, but my DH could probably tell you instantly how much our energy DD is, how much our Sky is etc, because he’s the one who sorts those things out for us (he enjoys it and I don’t 🤣), whereas I don’t know that off the top of my head. So might it be that if you deal with that stuff, he doesn’t realise how much you’re spending? Perhaps if you sit down and show him the different bills, once he can see exactly how much it all is you can then negotiate a more appropriate amount for him to pay?

Naunet · 23/09/2023 09:14

Oh for the love of god, why on earth are you letting him live in your house and only contribute 10% of the bills? Stop being such a bloody mug. Tell him he pays 40% or whatever you would be paying in the reverse situation, or move the fuck out. Honestly, it boggles my mind how many women will fuck themselves over for a man.

tescocreditcard · 23/09/2023 09:15

When was the last time he bought you a bunch of flowers?

Changingplace · 23/09/2023 09:15

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 09:13

I've been stupid in not being firmer about contributions and letting him get away with it whenever I bring it up because he sulks and snaps.
I even topped up the electricity when I was away because he reckons he didn't know how to do it.

The sulking and snapping are a form of control here, he’s keeping you quiet by this behaviour.

category12 · 23/09/2023 09:17

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 09:13

I've been stupid in not being firmer about contributions and letting him get away with it whenever I bring it up because he sulks and snaps.
I even topped up the electricity when I was away because he reckons he didn't know how to do it.

Basically he uses anger to shut you down and stop questioning him and the incredible unfairness in your relationship. When he goes away for his job again, change the locks, bag up his stuff and text him not to come back.

Naunet · 23/09/2023 09:17

MaxTalk · 23/09/2023 09:06

Get a better paid job. No idea why anyone relies on someone else to provide for them..it needs to huge resentment.

Oh yeah, get a better job so you can bank roll this entitled twat more comfortably, great idea 🙄

Debini · 23/09/2023 09:23

I never understand why people live together as a family but then act like individuals. It should be 50-50 down the line and the kids maintenance gets spent on them.

Slothmomma · 23/09/2023 09:28

I'd rather struggle alone than struggle and put up with bank rolling someone else who treats me with such contempt too. You need to take a long hard look at why you are allowing this to continue.

Ogham · 23/09/2023 09:30

Please open your eyes to all the red flags 🚩.. He is an abusive and entitled freeloader. You need him to leave but I’d be weary of him and you should have someone with you when delivering the news.
His car debts etc are irrelevant, we all have debts but our rent/mortgage still need to be paid.
Why are you doing his laundry for him, and ironing!!!
Get angry Op and kick his abusive arse out

GrazingSheep · 23/09/2023 09:33

What do your children think about this snapping, sulking leech living in their home?

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 23/09/2023 09:35

He sounds awful, if he had his own place he would’ve get a reduction for Working away 2 nights a week. He’s a moody, cheeky fucker.

MaxTalk · 23/09/2023 09:43

I obviously didn't read the OP properly. Surely it's a case of working out the expenditure for a month and splitting the cost 50:50.

If he can't work out that simple concept then he is a bit thick.

Ragruggers · 23/09/2023 09:46

So after all this advice what are you going to do?Please don’t say you love him.

pompomdaisy · 23/09/2023 09:49

Kick the free wheeler out. Another parasitic man!

0lga · 23/09/2023 09:59

He doesn’t love you @Liquorice86 or he wouldn’t be treating you like this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/09/2023 09:59

He needs to be out of your house asap.

This man is a cocklodger who likely targeted you also because you are a single mother. These types think that such women are so desperate for male company that they'd put up with any old shit.