Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Annoyed over money

102 replies

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:10

My partner earns more than me, we live together with my 2 kids who aren't to him and I get CM for 1 of my kids from their dad.
He earns a lot more than me. He gives me money towards the house each week , tbh it doesn't go far.
On a weekend if we go on a night out he'll pay but otherwise he doesn't spend anything, where as I'm spending on bits of food shopping/ things for his packed lunch, topping up gas and electricity etc.
I just said to him about the amount I've spent on things for the house the past few days and how I'm worried about money and still need to do a food shop this weekend.
He snapped at me saying he wants to see his grandson on Sunday , then denied snapping at me . He does this a lot and I hate it makes me feel like I'm lying or making it up.
It's his favourite grandchild and he's saying I haven't seen him for a while. I'm not said don't go see him , only we need a food shop and I'm worried about money.
We don't share savings or anything as the kids are mine , I'm not expecting that but I don't think he realises the cost of things. I'm paying the bills too- gas electricity water council tax.
He does have debts that are his and his kids and his car is a big expense.
I know he loves me but at times I get annoyed with the finances and him not wanting to discuss it.
He's now ignoring me 🙄.

OP posts:
wildwestpioneer · 24/09/2023 09:16

He's been taking advantage of you op and is now threatening to leave so you'll back down, don't! Bag his stuff up and tell him it'll be outside the house at x time, and change the locks whilst you're at it .

category12 · 24/09/2023 09:26

Liquorice86 · 24/09/2023 09:03

I started to bring it up - I spend so much on WiFi for the home- he said he doesn't use the WiFi he uses his data on his phone.
I said about utility bills - he said he's away half the week, I said if you had your own place these things would need to be paid for . He said ask your kids dad.
At that point I lost it screaming, not my best move , he said your showing your true colours now etc.i slammed door behind him.
As soon as I brought up the money he said I'm going I'm not putting up with this.
He went last night and has text asking for his stuff.
Unfortunately my kids witnessed the end of the argument so I feel like shit.

Hope you're feeling OK in the aftermath. Sorry he's not a better man.

I think breaking up will be better for you in the long run even if it's painful now. Don't be tempted to back down, he's been taking the piss for a long time. Do as he says and bag up his stuff. Change your lock or put a bolt on so he can't walk back in.

Better your kids see an ending argument than have him living with them as an example of the man in a relationship.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 24/09/2023 09:37

Liquorice86 · 24/09/2023 09:03

I started to bring it up - I spend so much on WiFi for the home- he said he doesn't use the WiFi he uses his data on his phone.
I said about utility bills - he said he's away half the week, I said if you had your own place these things would need to be paid for . He said ask your kids dad.
At that point I lost it screaming, not my best move , he said your showing your true colours now etc.i slammed door behind him.
As soon as I brought up the money he said I'm going I'm not putting up with this.
He went last night and has text asking for his stuff.
Unfortunately my kids witnessed the end of the argument so I feel like shit.

So you've got rid of him?? That's amazing, well done OP, you're an absolute hero.

Don't worry it's MUCH more important to your kids that he's gone then they saw an argument. Bet they're delighted?

LastHives · 24/09/2023 09:45

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 08:54

The house is in my name. I have said to him last week...this is how much electricity we use each month and gas. He says that as he can work away 2 nights some weeks that he doesn't use a lot- his clothes still use electricity when they're washed, dried and ironed.

This alone is a reason to kick him out the door. Oops, well that went fast.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/09/2023 09:48

You’ve done the right thing OP. He is taking money away from your children. Don’t let him back. You are worth so much more.

OhamIreally · 24/09/2023 09:56

That's a proper result you've got there OP. It could have taken months to heave his cocklodging arse out of your home.

I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how finances look without him.

Olika · 24/09/2023 09:59

wildwestpioneer · 24/09/2023 09:16

He's been taking advantage of you op and is now threatening to leave so you'll back down, don't! Bag his stuff up and tell him it'll be outside the house at x time, and change the locks whilst you're at it .

This. Stick to your guns. He was using you and TG he is gone.

OhamIreally · 24/09/2023 10:11

I do think he will start to regret having lost his meal ticket though. If he starts love bombing you then you can always say you're happy to go back to dating but that living together doesn't work for you.

It will be clear from his response what he really wants.

ConnieTucker · 24/09/2023 10:13

Make sure he doesnt talk his way back in.

Changingplace · 24/09/2023 11:02

Liquorice86 · 24/09/2023 09:03

I started to bring it up - I spend so much on WiFi for the home- he said he doesn't use the WiFi he uses his data on his phone.
I said about utility bills - he said he's away half the week, I said if you had your own place these things would need to be paid for . He said ask your kids dad.
At that point I lost it screaming, not my best move , he said your showing your true colours now etc.i slammed door behind him.
As soon as I brought up the money he said I'm going I'm not putting up with this.
He went last night and has text asking for his stuff.
Unfortunately my kids witnessed the end of the argument so I feel like shit.

Best thing is he’s gone.

Dont let him back in, pack up his stuff and tell him to collect from outside & get your locks changed.

Start of a brand new chapter for you without this freeloading loser dragging you down, well done for sticking up for yourself & your kids.

Changingplace · 24/09/2023 11:03

Oh, and once he’s got his stuff block him on everything, think you’ve said all that needs saying, if you don’t he’s bound to come crawling back, don’t let him.

Ragruggers · 24/09/2023 13:21

Well done,your children will be proud of a Mum who kicked him out.Enjoy the peace after you bag his stuff up and put it outside the door.Change the locks.Block.

0lga · 24/09/2023 14:28

Well done Op, that’s a result.

Now don’t let him back in when he comes crawling back. Block him on everything ( including your kids phones if he’s on there ) . Remember all social media.

Tell any mutual friends that you don’t want to hear a single word about him.

Apply to the council for your single adult discount on the council tax.

Have a plan for the brief times that you might miss him .

Ladybug14 · 24/09/2023 14:32

Liquorice86 · 23/09/2023 19:57

Thank u all for replies.
His kids are adults who he is still subsidising and paying for( in 30s not 18 year olds)
He has just discovered still paying tv license for his ex- we have been together for years.
Final straw is we bn out for day today- very pricey food and drink at local event, Inc travel I've spent about 80 quid, he's spent 20.
And I know tomorrow I'll be doing full food shop, then Monday topping up gas etc.....I can't keep doing it.
Why should he be building up money while I'm on my arse?

The answer is that he is financially abusing you

Tell him to leave

Change the locks

Sort out your finances, apply for UC and start living life for you

Ladybug14 · 24/09/2023 14:32

Just seen that he's gone

Well done OP

Flowers
rwalker · 24/09/2023 14:36

Well it’s sorted now
but sounded like nether of you communicated how much it cost to run the house How much u were spending and what a proportionate contribution would of been

Jammylou · 24/09/2023 14:37

I'd sit down and make a list of all household costs I.e rent council tax, gas/elec, food and split this 50/50.
Doesn't matter if the house os in your name or not he's living there as a partnership.
Also he's an adult and needs to be able to have an adult conversation about money.
Hr is taking advantage of you.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 24/09/2023 14:38

Well done! Get on to the council to reinstate the 25% discount. Change those locks now the millstone has left the building. Bag his crap up and tell him to collect it. He is not to return and Darien your doorstep ever again and block.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 24/09/2023 14:40

He's money grabbing and selfish
By paying for him to live with you( because of his low contribution)
you are spending money which you could spend on yourself and your DC
He knows he's on a good thing as he ignores you when you talk about it
If he moved out you would gain your 25% council tax discount which he isn't even compensating you for
You'd be better off in lots of ways if he moved out and you went back to dating

CoffeeBeansGalore · 24/09/2023 14:45

I came home from school one day to witness the aftermath of an argument between mum & her waste of space boyfriend.

I was delighted to find out he was leaving. He'd had 2 years of leeching off mum.

Don't worry, your kids will be glad to have a happier mum again.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 24/09/2023 14:48

Brilliant You've got rid!
Don't worry that your DC saw you arguing actually what they see is their Mum standing up for herself and putting them first
Do not be persuaded to let him move back in when he realises he's lost his meal ticket

Lampzade · 24/09/2023 14:51

Op, please send this man packing.
There is little need for me to explain why he is a total waste of space. He showed you what he thinks of you by the way he responded to you.

Lampzade · 24/09/2023 14:57

He will come crawling back btw. Cheap accommodation, low bills and free sex. Really hard to give up.
For your sake and your dcs sake don’t take him back
If you decide you want to make a go of it, insist that he moves out

OhamIreally · 30/09/2023 10:04

Hey OP how's your week been?

WitchDancer · 30/09/2023 10:46

I wouldn't worry too much that the kids have seen this - maybe it will help them in later life if they ever get a cocklodger. Just be truthful in why you got angry with him and move on.

It's going to be hard emotionally in the coming weeks but you've got this.