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Original poster

Husband doesn’t like me reading

143 replies

JEM61 · 21/09/2023 23:10

Hey all,

So quick one. I want to know if I’m being a total d1ck here. I love to read in bed, my husband sits in bed on his phone and I like to read. However, he gets really sulky and makes a big deal out of it if I read a book in bed. He’s said it’s a tactic I use to ignore him and divide us (!). He’s fine for me to be on my phone and scroll through nothingness, but to pick up a book and read I usually end up apologising for. Anyone else or just me?

OP posts:
Nicole1111 · 21/09/2023 23:53

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

LighthouseTheme · 21/09/2023 23:55

I was married to one of those (note, was....).
I would have to engineer some kind of disagreement (he was a sulker as well) to get a rare afternoon alone with a novel (after all chores done of course).
His mother was fond of saying to me, "You read too much" (also, "You think too much" and "You've got ideas above your station".)

Don't let him do this to you!

NerdyBird · 22/09/2023 00:00

He's threatened by your reading. I'd guess you are more intelligent/better educated/earn more or something and he's trying to bring you down a peg.

iminvestednow · 22/09/2023 00:01

Husband and I, our key thing is ‘together but apart’. We love each other but love to do our own thing knowing the other one is generally around! He’ll be playing a game and I’ll be watching some Netflix horror, we’ll meet halfway for food and carry on…

CherrySocks · 22/09/2023 00:01

Keep reading his phone with him for togetherness
"Let's both read your phone then darling - if my book is too 'divisive' "

romany4 · 22/09/2023 00:02

He's being ridiculous
I read my kindle every single night in bed. Before that, it was a book.
DH has never had an issue.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 00:03

Do you truly honestly think he is being reasonable? really?

NicholJO · 22/09/2023 00:03

Hi op I'm in a similar situation I love reading my oh thinks I'm being boring when I read I don't talk to him pay him attention it's all bull crappie stupid behaviour

savethatkitty · 22/09/2023 00:05

By reading, you "ignore him" & it "divides you". OP please read that back to yourself.

YukoandHiro · 22/09/2023 00:07

God that would be an 100 per cent deal breaker for me.

Reading is so important to my mental health and I couldn't respect anyone who didn't want me to read either. It's gross. Like he's trying to limit your capacity for thought and ideas.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but it would sit very badly with me.

singl · 22/09/2023 00:07

This is a weird thing to get annoyed about. Would he prefer if you read the book on your phone instead?

theres no divide if you’re sat next to each other with functional mouths and ears

spookehtooth · 22/09/2023 00:08

Hobbies and interests that don't involve your partner? Good quality, don't ever give that up. Some of us like that, gives us time to do our own thing too

easilydistracted1 · 22/09/2023 00:10

I suggest you go put him in the outside bin and read your book in peace

Codlingmoths · 22/09/2023 00:14

I would take his phone off him every night saying put that away it separates and divides us. What a twunt! I’d pick books over my husband if I had to and he knows it 😁

Whataretheodds · 22/09/2023 00:14

Nicole1111 · 21/09/2023 23:53

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

And the rest

olivehaters · 22/09/2023 00:20

DH likes the fact that I read even though he isn’t much of a reader himself. This is because he is secure enough in himself and our relationship.
He sounds like he has insecurity issues. He probably hates himself that he hasn’t got the self discipline/ intelligence to read and wants to bring you down to his level.

LusaBatoosa · 22/09/2023 00:26

Your husband is so ridiculously unreasonable that he has brought unanimity to an MN thread, an unheard of occurrence.

Charlattanus23 · 22/09/2023 00:31

And this attempt at control, at stopping me from doing one of my favourite things, was just one of at least a dozen reasons why the evil ex and I separated....Just sayin'.

Caswallonthefox · 22/09/2023 00:34

I married an arsehat who didn't like me reading. We divorced due to a whole bunting load of red flags, that surfaced after he'd "trapped" me.
I have always been an avid reader and any other form of entertainment takes 2nd place.

CallieQ · 22/09/2023 00:41

This is nuts... of course you can read if you want!

CallieQ · 22/09/2023 00:41

LusaBatoosa · 22/09/2023 00:26

Your husband is so ridiculously unreasonable that he has brought unanimity to an MN thread, an unheard of occurrence.

Absolutely! Grin

echt · 22/09/2023 00:50

What a knob. When did he start being like this?

spookehtooth · 22/09/2023 00:54

You're being unreasonable, sorry to break the rare consensus. It's a creative, but completely reasonable, way to subtly hint that he wants a divorce

Dery · 22/09/2023 01:36

“So, if you were scrolling on your phone and he was scrolling on his, would you be chatting, sharing snippets of interesting tidbits you're reading etc? Or just silently scrolling?

If the former, I can see his point (although I'd still say you have every right to read in bed if you want to). If the latter, he's being a complete dick.”

I wondered this also. I love reading in bed - I have a kindle - so I’m not suggesting you give up reading but I can see how you might get engrossed in a book in a way you might not be engrossed in scrolling through your phone. Does he put his phone down before you’ve finished reading? Do you still have plenty of intimacy or does he fall asleep while you read? You don’t have to answer and he may just be a knob but I can see how the position could be a bit more nuanced than others are seeing it.

spookehtooth · 22/09/2023 01:53

If it's intimacy he wants, how effective is this method? Neither the OP nor the replies from women here so far are giving me the confidence to try this one out.

I'd argue his behaviour is what's driving a wedge between them rather than hers. If he wants more intimacy, maybe he needs to up his game. Starting with his conversational skills