Daughter doesn't like father kissing and hugging her, realistically what can I do about this?

[Duxelle]

Separated from abusive ex.
He only currently has supervised contact (has for a number of years)
Daughter tells me after each contact session he kisses her so much and essentially smothers her. He repeatedly tells her he loves her, over and over again and that he misses her etc.
More recently, she tells me that when he kisses her his kisses are "wet" and she wipes them away. She also doesn't like being overly hugged.
I know about this because I receive contact reports and it has evidenced the overly affectionate behaviour as well as the wiping away of kisses. I do also see she initiates affection of her own volition when she wants to but it isn't prolonged hugs and kisses.
My dilemma is, realistically what can I do about this? I want our daughter to realise she can have a choice and has body autonomy, I want her to make her own choices on who she kisses and cuddles and not have this forced on her, but currently only communicate via Solicitors.
I am trying to see it from his perspective also in that he only gets very limited time with her, IF his intentions are genuine AND he genuinely misses her then of course he wants to shower her with affection, however I do also feel very uncomfortable about this since she has complained about it following the last few contact sessions.

Yuck, tell her to kick him in the balls. Father or not he should not be doing that, it’s weird.

It doesn’t matter if his intentions are genuine or not she doesn’t like it - how old is she

She is nearly 6.

What’s her age? If she’s old enough she might have recourse herself to tell him no. If she’s young I’d try and go through solicitors but not sure anything can be enforced.

She’s very young then. Not sure where you stand legally but I’d at least express this through solicitors and coach her to raise it herself as much as possible.

This is what I mean, I feel I will be depicted as controlling if I get a Solicitor's letter sent out and then I feel I will be accused of parental alienation if I tell her she doesn't have to cuddle or kiss him.
I have repeatedly told her that it is her choice if she wants to kiss and cuddle him (or me) I have tried to instil in her that she does not have to cuddle or kiss anyone if she doesn't want to.

She has an absolute right to want him to stop and if he won't then you need to advocate for her. Can you talk to whoever facilitates the contact?
Some people do this- it's not weird. But it needs to stop. Now.

Given you have third party evidence of this can you not ask your solicitor to write to him saying those supervising have noticed she is uncomfortable with the level of physical contact, and can he be more aware of this and make sure contact is focussed on what she wants not what he wants.

Why is contact still supervised though?

You also empower her to say stop kissing me I don't like it.

His intentions and his feelings aren't the point. Her body, her choice, I'd tell her to say no or stop loudly when it gets too much.

@Duxelle
If you daughter is old enough and articulate enough to tell you all of this related to her feelings she is old enough to speak up to her father. You should encourage her to tell her dad her feelings. In fact, you are right in that she should know that she has agency over her own body and should not accept any physical contact, from anyone, that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Teach her autonomy... when she doesnt want him to kiss or cuddle her she is to say no more kisses/ no more cuddles in a big loud voice.
This should also be evidenced in the contact reports and therefore it will be on record if he does not respect her wishes. Thatis concern that is taken to the solicitor.
Teach her that this applies to EVERYBODY.
This is not alienation, this is teaching her to stand up for herself now and in the future. Her voice will be heard.

I know nothing about this, but who supervises? Surely if she's saying no, they should step in?

This.

Who are the contact records being suplied to? do you have an allocated SW? The fact that the supervisor is recording that the physical contact is both overt and unwanted, should work in your favour as it is evidence. I used to cover SV contact and often it's not clear to the participants what the SV role is, we were there to record the interactions and to use our professional judgement and comment on the relationship. This was the evidence that could and would be used in court and in CP proceedings.

Then he should stop.
Sorry but when my son doenst want one of us to kiss him we say “ok!” And that’s it. No big deal.

I would have expected the contact centre to intervene to stop as she is appearing uncomfortable, It is very evident that if she is wiping away his kisses that she is uncomfortable, but he carries on,
All in all, his contact reports are mostly positive, but there is a particular supervisor that does pick up the physical interaction which I have recently been grateful for.
I have emailed the contact notes to my Solicitor to ask for advice but I think the way to go will be to mention it to the contact centre and to also repeatedly instil to our daughter that she can say "no", "i don't like that, please stop".
I always tell her it is her choice, even if she doesn't want to kiss and cuddle mummy that's ok.

If it was me I would instruct correspondence through solicitors to say that your daughter has raised she is uncomfortable with the amount of cuddling and kissing as she does not like this generally. You are concerned that their relationship may be affected by this if it continues and you are trying to avoid this. That it may be best to ask her for a cuddle and keep it brief.

That way, you are raising the issue but also in a way where you are showing concern in order to maintain their relationship rather than it looking bad on you.

Just an idea. Problem is she could speak up but at that age it's not always the case that they will.

I think I am also worried about appearing controlling, he;'s made accusations of parental alienation against me also which are currently being investigated through the courts.
I would really like to send a letter but I know it will be twisted by his Barrister that I am controlling etc.
But it resonates with me that I MUST advocate for her also.

Yeah must be difficult position. I would talk to your solicitor and say you want it worded in a way that specifically says that isn't your intent here and solely from concerns your daughter has raised. But proof read it before anything is sent so it reads right.

I'm on the opposite side, I'm the father and mine are being withheld and everything that is being sent I'm proof reading and asking to be adjusted because they take offense to anything as ammo so I'm keeping it all neutral in correspondence.

If the contact is supervised, can you not speak to the staff supervising, or social worker if there is one, to express your concerns? You say its written in the notes but has anyone had a conversation with him making it clear his behaviour needs to change and he needs to take her lead and only be affectionate when she is wanting him to be?

Definitely go through the contact centre- it's what they are there for!

Tell them DD is getting upset about the wet kisses and hugs and ask them to back her up is she says 'no' to him.

can you suggest she tells him?
quite reasonable not to like wet kisses

it is quite common in our house to wipe away wet kisses

I have told her multiple times

oh bless her @Duxelle