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Daughter doesn't like father kissing and hugging her, realistically what can I do about this?

77 replies

Duxelle · 19/09/2023 11:49

Separated from abusive ex.
He only currently has supervised contact (has for a number of years)
Daughter tells me after each contact session he kisses her so much and essentially smothers her. He repeatedly tells her he loves her, over and over again and that he misses her etc.
More recently, she tells me that when he kisses her his kisses are "wet" and she wipes them away. She also doesn't like being overly hugged.
I know about this because I receive contact reports and it has evidenced the overly affectionate behaviour as well as the wiping away of kisses. I do also see she initiates affection of her own volition when she wants to but it isn't prolonged hugs and kisses.
My dilemma is, realistically what can I do about this? I want our daughter to realise she can have a choice and has body autonomy, I want her to make her own choices on who she kisses and cuddles and not have this forced on her, but currently only communicate via Solicitors.
I am trying to see it from his perspective also in that he only gets very limited time with her, IF his intentions are genuine AND he genuinely misses her then of course he wants to shower her with affection, however I do also feel very uncomfortable about this since she has complained about it following the last few contact sessions.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 11:21

I think you've done the best you can as the contact centre is the way to go. It's their job to intervene when she is uncomfortable.
To expect a 6 year old to be assertive about their own body boundaries with an adult is a tall order. By all means inform them of their rights, but to expect them to feel powerful enough to enforce them is not realistic at that age.

Duxelle · 21/09/2023 14:26

Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 11:21

I think you've done the best you can as the contact centre is the way to go. It's their job to intervene when she is uncomfortable.
To expect a 6 year old to be assertive about their own body boundaries with an adult is a tall order. By all means inform them of their rights, but to expect them to feel powerful enough to enforce them is not realistic at that age.

I made it very clear to the contact centre that I am trying to instil boundaries with regards to physical touch that are applicable to everyone and not limited to him, this includes me too.
They've responded to me to say that I should share DD's feelings with her father and that they have made a note that she has disclosed to this to me and will ask the supervisor to take appropriate action where they need to.
That's all I can hope for I suppose.

OP posts:
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