Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriends a crack head

96 replies

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:05

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've realised over recent weeks my partner has a problem.

He's now lost his job and is depressed. He suffers from severe pain and I believe this has led him down this road.

He's always in debt. Always borrowing money.

He's now got people after him. It absolutely breaks My heart. I've seen the pipe. I know its happening.

We don't live together. I'm so frightened for him and upset. I know the obvious is to leave him. But I genuinely love him and want him safe.

What do I do. Thanks.

OP posts:
zurala · 18/09/2023 19:06

You leave him and let him deal with his own mess. Get as far away from this as possible, you do not want drug dealers in your life.

Gingernaut · 18/09/2023 19:09

You didn't cause this
You can't cure this
You need to walk away

You are not financially dependent on him, you can't let him move in, he needs to learn for himself what he needs to do

Badbadbunny · 18/09/2023 19:12

Walk away, no, in fact, don't walk, run for the hills. Don't feel sorry for him, don't try to help him. You'll end up wasting your own life as well as his. He needs professional help - he needs to want help.

Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:16

I hate the thought of him being beaten up or commiting suicide. I've tried to protect him and I love him so much. I'm a sensible person and not from this world at all. I'm struggling to process things.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/09/2023 19:18

You run like hell and get as far away from this disaster as humanly possible. You know this. This man will bring you nothing but trouble.

Spidey66 · 18/09/2023 19:18

There's no way I could be in a relationship with a crack addict. It'll just bring either undesirables eg dealers wanting money or police to your door. He'll put the crack in front of you all the time. You could end up in trouble yourself even if you do t take it eg what if he leaves some in your handbag/flat/whatever? I doubt if the police find it he'd admit it was his. Then there's all the calls from police stations or hospitals. He'll have problems finding work/housing.

If I were you I'd run like hell and only go back once he'd been to rehab and been dry for a minimum of a year. He's not worth it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/09/2023 19:22

They’ll threaten you to get to him.

You have to end the relationship. Beg him to get help. Even send him links to resources. But get out.

Catsafterme · 18/09/2023 19:22

Get yourself as far away as possible for your own sake. Not to doom and gloom but if he owes people money, they have no qualms in turning over people associated. Not only that if he is an addict there is no lows they can go to to sort their next fix or pay their debts.

This happened in my family when I was younger, everyone had to cut contact out of safety and fear of being robbed.

Slaterz · 18/09/2023 19:25

Sweetheart you need to run far far away as fast as you can.

ArseMenagerie · 18/09/2023 19:26

You can put help in place - signpost him to drug services, tell his family, enlist friends and then you have to leave him to it. Sorry.

gamerchick · 18/09/2023 19:28

You can't help him OP. It's just a matter of time before he starts stealing from you or you get dealers looking for him at yours.

You HAVE to end the relationship. You don't have a choice if you want to stay safe

SaturdayGiraffe · 18/09/2023 19:31

He's now lost his job and is depressed. He suffers from severe pain and I believe this has led him down this road.

Excuses, not reasons. You can believe whatever yarn he spins you and it won’t change the reality of the situation.

He's always in debt. Always borrowing money.

From you, right? Write it off. And turn off the taps.

Good luck.

Gnomegnomegnome · 18/09/2023 19:35

Do you have children?

Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:36

Thanks luckily we live apart and he's not on social media. There's nothing obvious to say we are together. I'm also at the other end of town..don't get me wrong I appreciate there's ways people could find out who I am.

I need to let go of those fear of anyone hurting him. I know that he's made these choices.

I'm writing this with stinging eyes and so much hurt. He's not answering his phone after a crazy phone call saying he's leaving with a small bag. He sounds suicidal. I've lost count of how many times I've sat here worrying he's going to die or be hurt..its a painful place to be.

I want out of this mess..I'm mortified after I spoke to his work mate who's told me his wallet and saw has gone missing whilst working with him. He's told me to get away from him as its a long miserable life waiting.

He has no family left they don't talk. He's very alone. It's very hard to leave someone to fall into a bigger mess. He's just got a new place 6 weeks ago to live. He has said tonight he's just gunna leave as he can't afford it. I've got a few things there. Currently unsure If he's gone to sleep in a mood or if he's actually left. I feel so anxious. I'm aware this is abusive to an extent too.

I think I'll be awake all night processing it all

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/09/2023 19:37

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:16

I hate the thought of him being beaten up or commiting suicide. I've tried to protect him and I love him so much. I'm a sensible person and not from this world at all. I'm struggling to process things.

What about you being beaten up when he's off his tits on that filth?

Run far, far away and never look back.

Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:39

Yes I'm processing all the risks I'm potentially under.i have children who have not met him. I have only just started to realise the mess he's in so I am sort of looking for as much advice amd encouragement as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:40

I would never have my kids in that world so again this has hit me hard that the future I thought existed doesn't.

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 18/09/2023 19:42

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:39

Yes I'm processing all the risks I'm potentially under.i have children who have not met him. I have only just started to realise the mess he's in so I am sort of looking for as much advice amd encouragement as possible.

Your job is to protect your children. You need to stay away from him and you'd have been wise not to go near a man like this to begin with. You don't need advice, you simply need to end it. That's it.

PheonixAndTheCarpet · 18/09/2023 19:44

You can’t fix him…you need to protect yourself and any children you have

Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:45

Yes I agree it's gone too far. I'm just upset and no matter what he's doing it's still not easy to think of him hurt. I have to walk away but I also have to mentally prepare to hear he's dead or battered in the coming weeks.

I never have even smoked a joint I wouldn't have got with a drug user knowingly. He's hid it well until the last 2 months.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/09/2023 19:51

You need to protect your own self and your kids. His primary relationship is with drugs, not you and it’s never been with you either. He picked you to use you and you fell for the sob stories. You cannot help this man who does not want your help or support either, you’re useful only for money.

Who taught you that you had to be a rescuer in a relationship?. Being a rescuer and or saviour never works?. get some therapy also to determine why it is that you got with this man in the first place.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 18/09/2023 19:52

I left my dd’s father when she was 2 because he was still using after promising for 5 years he would stop.
well, guess what- she’s 20 next month and he’s still a crack head and now he’s an alcoholic too because every time he’s given up drugs he’s drunk himself through it, so now he’s on both.

when you live with a drug addict, you live like a drug addict. I left with nothing, he even sold my pushchair and her toys.

leave now, don’t look back. Protect your kids and yourself.

OhComeOnFFS · 18/09/2023 19:52

Stop catastrophising. He will be OK and will end up staying with a like-minded friend.

Think of your children and make sure you don't have anything to do with him again. He will contact you and ask for money. Don't give him a penny as all he'll do is spend it on drugs. Think of it as your children's money - you can either spend it on them or on him.

Original poster
Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:55

I had a normal childhood. Never been a rescuer before. He was charming at first. Slightly older and appeared masculine. Think I just got fooled. He's been in my life 3 years now. It's all become very embarrassing.

I guess I want to leave knowing he's safe and OK. But I'm going to have to leave whilst his arse is on the floor.

Yes I was a money pot. Its awful.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/09/2023 19:55

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:45

Yes I agree it's gone too far. I'm just upset and no matter what he's doing it's still not easy to think of him hurt. I have to walk away but I also have to mentally prepare to hear he's dead or battered in the coming weeks.

I never have even smoked a joint I wouldn't have got with a drug user knowingly. He's hid it well until the last 2 months.

And mentally prepare for hearing he's murdered or battered somebody else; don't forget the violence goes both ways.

He has to be dead to you or you will never get rid and never, ever be safe.