Boyfriends a crack head

[Inshock4]

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've realised over recent weeks my partner has a problem.

He's now lost his job and is depressed. He suffers from severe pain and I believe this has led him down this road.

He's always in debt. Always borrowing money.

He's now got people after him. It absolutely breaks My heart. I've seen the pipe. I know its happening.

We don't live together. I'm so frightened for him and upset. I know the obvious is to leave him. But I genuinely love him and want him safe.

What do I do. Thanks.

@OhComeOnFFS

Sadly he has none of those now either. I hope that ends up the case. Thought he wanted a future. How silly was I.

Make him your ex. Then see your GP and request counselling to help you work through this. Whatever happens don't fall for any emotional blackmail which might come your way.

What you will find is addicts have a knack for survival as long as they have a fix. You just want to cut contact now and don't worry about him and what may happen to him. I'm sure he will float around leaving a wake of destruction behind until it catches up to him in one way or another.

You dont want to be in that wake so just distance and don't give him a second thought because he's not doing that for you, the next fix is his only priority.

FFS, you brought kids into this mess? Don't say you haven't because they didn't meet him, either. That's just a lie you tell yourself. Whatever you bring into your life, you bring into your kid's lives.

Stop being fucking daft, put your kids first and block this man, right now. Never communicate with him again, for any reason.

He'll be fine, addicts have contacts and ways and means.

You need to block and delete him from your phone and forget he ever existed. I've seen what happens to family and friends of drug users, including a young primary school age girl beat up in her own home as her brother owed drug money.

If you're in contact with him, you and your daughter will never be safe.

bit harsh to insinuate she knowingly brought kids into this situation from the start when she clearly stated she had no idea he was in drugs until recently and hasn't touched them herself ever in her life so clearly wouldn't know the signs. Although i do agree she should have left immediately upon discovering he was on drugs because of the children.

Yeah, understandable if she's been duped up until now that's not the same.

However, now you do know OP, do not underestimate an addict for your own sake and your childrens. Very likely whatever you left there if it has any value will have been sold by now, don't even go there.

He's always in debt. Always borrowing money.

Yes I was a money pot. Its awful.

I've lost count of how many times I've sat here worrying he's going to die or be hurt

The op has known who this man is for a lot longer than she is willing to admit. Addicts lie to themselves and so do the people who enable them.

All of that emotional energy and attention she gave to him should have been given to her kids. All of that money she gave this loser should have been spent on her kids.

I'm more than happy to be "harsh" when kids are involved. The truth can be very, very harsh.

Don't get sucked into his world. Drug dealers are not known for being fluffy teddy bears, prioritise you and your children's safety and get as far away as possible. Hard as it might be to leave him, he needs to sort this out himself and get help

If you've never been involved with drugs/addicts you have no idea what a swirling cesspit you're currently on the brink of OP. You can still save yourself, and your DC if you act fast but you're closer than you realise to being sucked in by association so you have to cut ties now. I know more than I want to about that world and I would be running as though my life depended on it in the opposite direction to this man.

The one thing you really need to know is that, when push comes to shove, he won't act like the man you love and think you know. His addiction will call the shots and if you get caught in the crossfire he won't care as long as he can still feed that addiction. That puts you and your family at enormous risk of things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, please don't underestimate the danger you are in here.

As for your feelings you're going to have to be really strong now and put them to one side while you do what's necessary to make yourself and DC safe. Once that's done you can fall apart and grieve the man you thought he was but for now you just have to accept that he's not that man, he's dangerous and you need to protect yourself and DC.

Don't be sad. Be angry that in you he saw someone who would provide him with his fixes, even indirectly by lending him money or paying for nights out when he said he was skint etc. Potentially everything he has ever said to you is a lie, to keep you in the relationship. I would be VERY fucking angry at him and the situation he's put you in, especially knowing you had children. A good man, even one with an addiction, wouldn't have come near you. A good man wouldn't have dragged you down to that murky world of his and put you at risk of losing your children. Losing them, OP. Social services would have their ears pricking up at this post. Wondering what they might be exposed to. Whether you are a good enough mother to protect them from that murky world and stay well away or whether you'll be drawm in and keep going back to him time and time again. Whether you'll be taken in when he says he's clean, he comes to your house and meets the kids, and then someone is battering the door down that night wanting what he owes them. Don't be that mum who lets their kids down for a man.

This sucks op and I can understand that you care about him and don't want this to be the end. But it's the end. You can't continue this relationship without it affecting your children either because of the stress and emotional strain on you of the constant worry or the fact that addiction will literally take over any care you have about anything. So he will not prioritise you/ your needs/ your safety as a result. He's just not in the place to. So you walk away now and tell him to get himself to the gp, get support from community addictions and charity services and hopefully into rehab. There is no reason why he can't turn this around for himself but he is the only one who can do that and to be honest you being there is more likely to be his sticky plaster than anything actually helpful as harsh as that sounds. Your kids need better and you deserve better. Just walk away now and be thankful your lives weren't more tied together. It sounds like you have your life together, find someone who matches you in that respect who will properly be an equal partner and look after you a bit.

He's lost his job and that wasn't a wake up call to him? He has issues and is picking drugs over life - that requires professional intervention and you can't help with that.

The next step is for him to lie and borrow from you, then to steal from you and then to tell other people how to steal from you. I had a lodger who worked at a drug rehab centre who told me many many appalling stories, the unfortunate truth is that many addicts never truly recover. Crack is the worst. Whatever you do make sure you never ever try crack or heroin in order to understand why he does it. Don't let him in your house (he will smoke there) and don't let him near your children.

Just remove this person from your life before he brings you and your family down. He may appear okay now but he has chosen to turn his back on a normal life and things will only get worse. You need to think of your kids first, not your pity or sorrow for him. It's not your job to rescue him, it's job to protect your kids.

Another vote for RUN!

You can't change him & addiction will always come first.

Please don't be that person in 5 years wishing you had given him the boot at the very beginning.

Tell us about you, op. What do you value in a partner and what are you really looking for ? What do you think your friends and family would want in a partner for you?

I suspect it’s not this guy.

And also, how would you feel if social services got involved? They will, if anyone alerts them, even if he isn’t anywhere near them.

Also, tell us about where you see yourself and your family 5, 10 years from now.

Really describe it, and tell us all about yours’ and your kids’ plans.

I find this so helpful when dealing with difficult or actively harmful people.

Thank you all. He won't be in my house and I won't ever try drugs. Its disgusting. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but the way he's behaved tonight has helped me see him.for what he Is.

I struggle alot to see him as a thieving lying human because he has a kind, loving side. But thats the first step. I wouldn't wish any human to suffer or loose themselves to this.

The person who said he's choosen to turn his back on normal life. That's true.

I want to keep us safe. I just want to stop worrying.

There's no coming back from this. You cannot save him.

I have never met anyone who became a crackhead and quit.

It is one of the hardest drugs out there. I know many crackheads in the family.

I see one of my relatives get absolutely rinsed by her crack using son for every penny of her disability money. She doesn't listen and thinks she can save him, its so sad. Everyone has given up.

They are selfish and genuinely just love smoking crack. They will feel sorry for themselves and make up excuses. But I have been told by them that if they're completely honest they just love being high.

Do not waste anymore time.

I want a little garden. Someone to do home improvements with..weekends out with the kids and to enjoy the simple things like walking the dog. A good boxset. A holiday once a year.

I want to wake up peaceful and things to be consistent and make sense. I just want things to feel real.

My long term goals to work in a hospital. My kids have just started judo and I want them to grow in confidence.

I want someone who cares and does things for me. Shows interest in me and the kids. Keeps us safe.

I just want to be happy and able to concentrate on my family and enjoy being alive again. For the last few months I've felt so sad.

Hi i wanted to reply (haven't read all the others) but as a child of an addict myself, nothing you can or will do will make this person change. My father has been an alcoholic since before I was born, he has been offered countless help and has refused so many times, or he comes up with a plan that lasts no longer than a week, he has got my mum into constant debt through his gambling and addictions and put our family through hell. Please, for your own sake, leave. You cannot save someone, they have to want to save themselves. Using the excuse of being in pain for the reason he is taking drugs is just a cop out, many live with chronic pain, you just have to learn to manage it through safe ways. I feel for you, but it is emotional blackmail and abuse that he is threatening suicide if you leave him. I hope you make the right decision regardless of how painful it will be. 💕

If you have children it is your parental obligation to walk away from this man.

He will steal the food out of your children's mouths to feed his habit. You will come home one day and the TV and game console will be sold and he will be crying in the corner saying sorry.

The man you fell in love with no longer exists, he is dead.

I have seen crack users sell their partners electric toothbrush they were that desperate.

Please OP as much as I understand you love him you need to leave I can underestimate how serious class A addiction is,it destroys lives,your not talking about an occasional bit of weed here,he's lost his job already asking freinds and family for money next he will be stealing to fund is addiction it will be emotionally and physically draining for you, I speak from experience I was on class A drugs from 13 I put my family through much,hurt everyone who ever showed me love,only he can help himself, and he needs to want it so bad,please leave its not worth the pain to stay

This!! be warned .. he may well turn up at your home and wangle his way in and then before you know it he's sold the game's console. Do not let him into your home, block all contact and be very cautious about who knows your connection with this person. If he has debts with drug dealers and they find the connection to you, they will come for you to. Then of course the police/ss and all sorts could be at your door and then you've massively put your children at risk. I'm sorry this has happened but there must have been signs, crack heads live for crack and nothing else matters 😞

Don't waste your young years on this man . I know someone who stuck with a druggie from the age of 17 to 27 believing he could change . She realised he never would. She's had an ephithany , her head has cleared .

She wanted a family and realised she could never be a mother with him . She still loves and cares for him but knows there is no future with someone who just relapses again and again . She will never fix this guy . I don't blame her . Ten years too
Late .

There’s not much you can do. It’s all in his own hands to be honest. If you stick to this man he will drain the life out of you unless he changes