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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriends a crack head

96 replies

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:05

I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've realised over recent weeks my partner has a problem.

He's now lost his job and is depressed. He suffers from severe pain and I believe this has led him down this road.

He's always in debt. Always borrowing money.

He's now got people after him. It absolutely breaks My heart. I've seen the pipe. I know its happening.

We don't live together. I'm so frightened for him and upset. I know the obvious is to leave him. But I genuinely love him and want him safe.

What do I do. Thanks.

OP posts:

2jacqi · 19/09/2023 08:59

we really should be reading that EX boyfriend is a crackhead!!!

CutiePatooties · 19/09/2023 09:04

I actually find it rather insulting that you go straight to BPD and then say it’s all about them and never about anyone else etc.

I have BPD and I’m not an addict and I’m not selfish either. I also wouldn’t put a man I’ve been with for 3 years above my children. I wouldn’t keep answering his phone calls. Stop trying to psychoanalyse him and insult others who have a diagnosis in the process and start actually protecting your kids!

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 19/09/2023 09:04

Be strong, don't allow him on your property. I heard on some program about addiction, I think they mentioned dry begging...when they don't come out and ask but lay it on thick and desperate. I hope he does to a NN meeting one day.

KaySam · 19/09/2023 09:11

He’s not your problem he’s playing games,next he will be trying to guilt you into letting him stay with you.Then take any shred of dignity you’ve got along with the contents of your purse

you need to end this for good before he drags you into this,he’s putting you at risk with his actions and the trouble could end up at your door.

Paynefully · 19/09/2023 09:12

OP, don’t try to convince yourself his behaviour is down to BPD, his behaviour is because he’s a drug addict.

You need to cut ties. You’re not his mother and he is not your responsibility. This is how he will rope you in and ruin your life.

Loubelle70 · 19/09/2023 09:15

OP don't answer phone to any number not recognised. He wont leave tbh, he will stay around until hes absolutely sure he cant leech cash from you anymore. The no fags statement is, as someone stated, breadcrumbs so he can keep you connected to ask for cash etc. I would NEVER stay with a drug addict... that's one of my rules. No drugs. Im glad you are rid but do not believe anything he says. If he threatens to commit suicide, tell him you are taking down number he rung from and calling police to check on him but he is not to contact you again. That is you doing your last bit to save him. Dont do anymore. NC

Loubelle70 · 19/09/2023 09:17

Homeless or not, do not have him at your house or around your children, no matter what woe me story he tells

ChaToilLeam · 19/09/2023 09:19

Cut him off, don’t take his calls, don’t speak to him. There is NOTHING you can do for this man.

He will try to wheedle his way back, he will threaten suicide, tell you all his sob stories. Don’t give in.

You have children and they need to come first. Even being associated with this man puts you all in danger.

rockingbird · 19/09/2023 09:22

Please don't answer the phone to any number you don't know and especially not his number. The fags request is just to keep that line of communication open he needs money for more drugs and you know it. Excusing his behaviour under the guise of BPD is not wise, in fact the connection between mental health and drugs is very toxic and you should steer well clear. Sadly I don't think you have heard the last of him.. he knows you care and will use that against you. Ignore, block and keep the heck away from this man.

BMW6 · 19/09/2023 10:40

TBH as he knows where you live I'd move. Seriously. Your children's physical safety is at risk from him.

sockarefootwear · 19/09/2023 11:03

I have a close family member who had a serious drug addiction for many years (he has now been clean for about 10 years). He has told me that as an addict, although he never actively wanted to hurt those around him the ONLY thing that was important to him was getting drugs. In his mind at the time, he felt that drugs were as vital to him as breathing is to anyone else- any harm caused to himself or anyone around him in making sure he got what he 'needed' was unavoidable. He has been very honest and admitted that, at that time, there was nothing he would not have done to get a fix. He was frequently in debt to dealers and family members always bailed him out to avoid him being hurt. As well as stealing from family and friends he took people that he knew to be violent criminals to the homes of family members to coerce them in to giving him money. He has told us that he didn't seriously put any effort in to getting clean until it became so bad that all his family (reluctantly) refused to see him or give him anything. Until that point he knew that he could keep getting drugs so, in his state at the time, this felt like the safest and best option for him. He is now adamant that cutting him off, although very painful for everyone at the time, was the only thing that made him stop.

I'm not saying it is easy, or that everyone who hits rock bottom will seek help and get clean, just thought the perspective of the addict might be helpful.

longwayoff · 19/09/2023 11:27

Dont make his problem your problem. Run. Now. If you dont you'll be sorry and neither MN or anyone else will be able to help. You've got a small window of opportunity to leave. Do it now. Today.

978q · 19/09/2023 11:45

Inshock4 · 18/09/2023 19:16

I hate the thought of him being beaten up or commiting suicide. I've tried to protect him and I love him so much. I'm a sensible person and not from this world at all. I'm struggling to process things.

In that world they don't care who they beat up or suicide, they want their debt paid, they will come after you to get it, you have had good sensible advice, take it, or the consequences for you could be catastrophic.

SaturdayGiraffe · 19/09/2023 11:50

The real person is the one who screams and swears at you.
The fake person is the charming one.

I can see you still hope he’ll “sort himself out” and mentally leaving that door open.
Close it. Lock it.

You don’t even know this guy, his whole persona has been false to get you under his control.

MaggieFS · 19/09/2023 12:15

You need to take the lead and be proactive. You tell him you are no longer together and he is not to contact you again.

978q · 19/09/2023 12:24

Jesus H Christ! you have kids, what are you even thinking bringing a junkie into their world!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/09/2023 17:48

Inshock4 · 19/09/2023 07:44

Update called from a phone box he's asked me for fags I said no. He says he's going on a train to London (2 hours away) he has no money and no plan for when he gets there.

Pretty sure it's all attention seeking.

Not your problem.

Change your phone number so he can't call you begging for more crack money again.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2023 20:26

Here you are, still talking to him. Will you ever put your kids first?

AbbeyGailsParty · 20/09/2023 00:15

As @NeverDropYourMooncup says get your number changed.
You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it.
Tbh I’m more worried about this puppy that appeared in one of your posts. I’d be calling the RSPCA to do a welfare check on it.

978q · 20/09/2023 04:16

We get to see this in the States too, colleagues in our London chambers, cannot believe the mess of this whole trial , from Judge down.

Whatever anyone thinks, the below are incontrovertible medical facts, confirmed by the facility, of the witness who gave the erroneous testimony.

www.scienceontrial.com/post/criminal-justice-in-england-disagreeable-facts

KandieKaine · 21/09/2023 21:45

@sockarefootwear

Well done to your family member for staying clean for ten years .

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