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Original poster

My Husband just said “know your place!” In an argument

135 replies

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 13:01

My husband just said “know your place” in an argument I'm absolutely fuming..

then followed it by saying your a “housewife and a mum”

WTF..

his family have meddled a lot lately and he then becomes distant towards me..

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 18/09/2023 15:13

New patio time...
actually having mine redone in a few months and the builder is a friend of mine, just let me know...

LolaSmiles · 18/09/2023 15:13

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.
He sounds like a delight (sarcasm obviously)

He strikes me as one of those men who doesn't want an equal as a spouse, he wants a woman who'll be forever grovelling and feeding his ego of how grateful she is to have him.

Maybe I've been on Mumsnet too long but if you decide to stick with him, you might want to be on your guard for a million excuses why he can't do his share of child raising and domestic work once you've retrained. Men who like women to know their place tend to get awfully awkward when it looks like their wives might be ready to have a life outside of the home and have raised their ability to be financially independent.

PilatesPeach · 18/09/2023 15:14

When someone tells you who they are, listen. This is him. He may manage to keep it to himself at times but in the heat of the moment, the truth came out of what he thinks OP. My vagina and heart would clamp shut permanently.

AllBellsandWhistles · 18/09/2023 15:15

Alargeoneplease89 · 18/09/2023 15:04

Going fishing in the morning is pretty normal, I've not known anyone to fish in the afternoons BUT he could of explained that rather then address you as a lesser person.

I think its nice you want to try and do family things together as he's obviously at work during the week.

Have you tried talking to him about the way he sees you in the relationship? It's no longer the 1950s yet women are still hampered by childcare duties over careers.

"Going fishing in the morning is pretty normal, I've not known anyone to fish in the afternoons"

Depends on the type of fishing. My husband often goes fishing in the afternoon. If he's had an early finish from work and gets back for around lunchtime, he'll pop down to a local pier and do some afternoon fishing for a few hours.

Thighdentitycrisis · 18/09/2023 15:19

My place would be outside the marriage and in the solicitors office

actualpuffins · 18/09/2023 15:34

If DH said that his place would listening to my four hour rant about what a thundering misogynistic fuckwit he was before packing his bags and booting him out of the door. His place would be on the other side of it.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 18/09/2023 15:38

When pricing life insurance some years ago, when I was a SAHM with 3 DC, my DH realised that I needed to be insured for much more than him. Paying other people to proide childcare, cleaning, cooking, family admin, etc was more than his salary.

Your DH needs to value how much you bring to his comfortable life. You need to understand your own worth too.

MrsMarzetti · 18/09/2023 15:41

Wow ! Divorce is the only way to go. Get your Son away from him before he has too much influence on him.

Codst · 18/09/2023 15:43

Yep he’s awful. What an arsehole. Which century does he think this is!?

Gnomegnomegnome · 18/09/2023 15:49

I would be gone.

I know my place and I know that I am better than anyone who speaks like this.

TotalOverhaul · 18/09/2023 15:50

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 13:34

The context was he wanted to go fishing first thing on a Saturday morning after our son’s first full week at school, I asked that he consider going in the afternoon instead so we get the morning together - he said I was being controlling and he provides everything so I should know my place..

Oh well if he provides everything, no need for you to cook, shop, clean, care for his children, do the laundry, organise anything at all. Because he already does all that.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 18/09/2023 15:53

You need to stop blaming his mother and family, and re-direct your anger where it should be. At him.

If he was any sort of decent husband, his family’s interference would be water off a duck’s back.

wildwestpioneer · 18/09/2023 16:11

Doesn't really matter if he fishes first thing, last thing at night or in the bath. His attitude is vile and I'd be working out how I could leave asap

Gitfeatures · 18/09/2023 16:13

There is no therapy for being a bellend.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/09/2023 16:17

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 14:01

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.. ???? I don’t know either..!

escape is needed!

How dare he! Kick him out then he'll know his place

Friarclose · 18/09/2023 16:18

Boy, BYE

Tessabelle74 · 18/09/2023 16:21

His place would have been out of the door at that point, closely followed by his bags!

MarkWithaC · 18/09/2023 16:23

Well, his place is obviously on his arse, out the door.

Nanny0gg · 18/09/2023 16:25

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 13:34

The context was he wanted to go fishing first thing on a Saturday morning after our son’s first full week at school, I asked that he consider going in the afternoon instead so we get the morning together - he said I was being controlling and he provides everything so I should know my place..

Your 'place' needs to be a long, long way away from him

Nanny0gg · 18/09/2023 16:28

And I bet you are a 'housewife and a mum' out of necessity because I'll guess he does bugger all at home and the bare minimum or the fun side of parenting

Topseyt123 · 18/09/2023 16:33

If my DH ever said anything like these things to me (he wouldn't ) he would very swiftly find himself out of the door, with my boot up his arse.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 18/09/2023 16:34

Tell him the 1940's called and they want him back.
Cock.

Duckingella · 18/09/2023 16:35

LolaSmiles · 18/09/2023 13:37

I don't think it's that unreasonable for him to go fishing in the morning. Personally I don't see why you'd need to ask for him to shift to the afternoon Vs him going first thing.

However the way he spoke to you was disgusting and misogynistic.

I'm guessing the OP doesn't get entire child free days off to Pursue her hobbies.

Bored1000 · 18/09/2023 16:46

Tell him not to (fucking) DARE speak to you like that again and that you are his equal in the relationship.

Show him the SAME amount of respect that he shows you, no more, no less, and I would tell him that is how it is going to be going forward, If he Dosen’t like it he can start having a good hard look at his own behaviour as HE is the root of the problem!

Start getting your ducks in a row as well so you will be prepared if you do separate, try and ensure the time suits you though….you may have to tolerate him a bit longer than you would want in order to do this

fetchacloth · 18/09/2023 16:58

Charming ! Is he and his family still stuck in the 1950s? 🙄
Personally I would remind him of HIS place.

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