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Original poster

My Husband just said “know your place!” In an argument

135 replies

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 13:01

My husband just said “know your place” in an argument I'm absolutely fuming..

then followed it by saying your a “housewife and a mum”

WTF..

his family have meddled a lot lately and he then becomes distant towards me..

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 18/09/2023 14:24

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.

What the fuck?!

Ladyj84 · 18/09/2023 14:25

If my hubby ever said know your place there would be serious words. So disrespectful

Redlarge · 18/09/2023 14:25

Tuna juice in his car, chilli powder in his pants time.
Cheeky bastard. Dont put up with this utter bullshit. How dare he.

PorridgeOnToast · 18/09/2023 14:26

He "pulled you into the middle class"?

Sheesh. I think the 1800s called and want him back.

Or probably dont want him.

What an absolute plonker.

PrinceHaz · 18/09/2023 14:27

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 14:01

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.. ???? I don’t know either..!

escape is needed!

Escape is 100% needed. I’m flabbergasted he dared say this. Nowadays people are likely to think things like this but couch them in different language.

thomasinacat · 18/09/2023 14:28

You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up
And turned you around....
Don't you want me baby?

No, fuck off back to the 1800s.

My ex once said to me, 'do as you're told' in front of other people. Piss. off.

Pinkbonbon · 18/09/2023 14:30

'The irony of you thinking you pulled me into the middle CLASS when you clearly, have none (class)'

Ltb

And very sure to have a chat with your son about respect and kindness in relationships. And how we shouldn't stay with mean people.

MargotBamborough · 18/09/2023 14:33

I couldn't live with a man who spoke to me like that.

coldcallerbaiter · 18/09/2023 14:34

It is probably what he really thinks. People, whether male or female often use things they think are true to upset the other in an argument as a way of hurting and manipulating, they are often remorseful that they said it after and back-track. You can always do more to earn more or change your domestic role if you want to, but that is up to you. Your role should be respected and is very valuable, it enables him to have kids and a household running, does he want to pay the going retail rate for all the jobs that you do, instead?

Tell his mother to keep her nose out of your business, and if she makes comments, then just comment on her flaws, everyone has something you can comment on or twist, it is whether you choose to or not

SharonEllis · 18/09/2023 14:36

That would be it for me. You really can't let him get away with saying something like that. My god MN has been a revelation to me. I can't believe women put up with this shit & how many of you are married to men who still think women are subordinate. It cheers me up also, that so many of you won't put up with it, but these conversations belong in the 70s. If my partner said something like this to me I would just laugh in his face, and then kick him out. Don't easte your energy being angry. Just pity him. Seriously.

OhComeOnFFS · 18/09/2023 14:39

His therapy is having such little effect I'm wondering whether he actually goes there or whether he goes to talk to his mum about how horrible you are instead.

Anewnamea · 18/09/2023 14:49

My husband just said “know your place” in an argument I'm absolutely fuming..

then followed it by saying your a “housewife and a mum”

Even if you were “just” a housewife and a mum this would be disgusting for him to say, but he’s also factually incorrect as I believe a later update said you work part-time. A housewife surely is usually referring to someone who doesn’t do paid work? It would’ve been more accurate to say “ a working mum”

It’s also false to say he provides everything even if you didn’t work at all because clearly you’re providing the childcare and presumably taking care of domestic duties which enable him to go out and work.

He is clearly both sexist and classist.

Botanica · 18/09/2023 14:54

Unforgivable and this would 100% spell the end if it were me.

It's disrespectful, undermining and deliberately belittling and there's no way those feelings can co-exist with love.

Make your exit plan. There's no going back from this.

Alargeoneplease89 · 18/09/2023 14:56

CambridgeLass · 18/09/2023 13:40

My left eyebrow actually went up when I read that @Alargeoneplease89.

He has no right to say that, you are his equal in every way. What a bastard!

Oooh please 😆... one needs to get themselves a sense of humour and a grip.

YepYepYepYep · 18/09/2023 14:57

He either said it because he genuinely believes it to be true or he said it because he wants to hurt you and make you feel worthless

Or maybe it's a bit of both 🫤

Maybe he said it because he thinks he can say things like that to you and you wont do anything about it.

Or maybe he said it because he wants you to react and he's hoping you will leave or you will behave in such a way to enable him to leave.

OP, even if you can muddle through for a few years how do you picture retirement with him working out?

Life is too long to spend it with someone like him.

frozendaisy · 18/09/2023 14:58

So you need to know you are lesser than him.

Be eternally grateful he has pulled you up to the middle classes

And he won't even put himself out for his son.

All of this is on him OP. It doesn't matter if he has seen his family more or not.

GarlicGrace · 18/09/2023 14:58

Crikey, it must be awful living - and sleeping - with someone who so obviously devalues you. Poor you! He seems to think of himself as a Professor Higgins to your Eliza Dolittle 😳 Try singing "The Rain In Spain" whenever he's around, followed by "Just You Wait" ...

More seriously, this: I think you should know your place which should be sat in a competent family solicitor's office armed with all the financial information you have.

GoryBory · 18/09/2023 15:01

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 14:01

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.. ???? I don’t know either..!

escape is needed!

I’d rather be living in a shed than be with someone who thinks I owe them something because they’re wealthier than me.

Get rid and get a decent career to show him that you are an entire person yourself and do not need him for anything.

Tenashelflife · 18/09/2023 15:03

Gross. Nothing more unattractive than a misogynist. That would be the end for me.

Nam3chang384 · 18/09/2023 15:04

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 14:01

He has also told me in the past that I should be grateful as he has pulled me up into the middle classes.. ???? I don’t know either..!

escape is needed!

Urgh. I am afraid to say that he clearly thinks he is better than you. I can't think of another way to dress that up. He thinks you should be grateful to him, because he thinks he has done you a favour. I don't think this is going to be an easy problem to solve I am afraid as he is fundamentally lacking respect for you. What a dick.

Alargeoneplease89 · 18/09/2023 15:04

Going fishing in the morning is pretty normal, I've not known anyone to fish in the afternoons BUT he could of explained that rather then address you as a lesser person.

I think its nice you want to try and do family things together as he's obviously at work during the week.

Have you tried talking to him about the way he sees you in the relationship? It's no longer the 1950s yet women are still hampered by childcare duties over careers.

Giggorata · 18/09/2023 15:05

Unbelievable arrogance, misogyny and disrespect, undoubtedly aided and abetted by his family.
It must be hell, having them all gang up on you.
You'll get lots of support and advice here, either about LTB or putting your foot down with this shower of bastards.

JoanThursday1972 · 18/09/2023 15:06

DoubleShotEspresso · 18/09/2023 13:11

I presume he meant in the kitchen and you have suitably reminded him this is where you keep your best knives?

He's shown his cards, now time to assemble yours OP-absolutely eyewatering to read this in 2023.

This is it, isn't it. Why are we having men saying stuff like this when (for instance) there has been an equal pay act longer than I've been alive?

AllBellsandWhistles · 18/09/2023 15:11

Thefirstime · 18/09/2023 13:34

The context was he wanted to go fishing first thing on a Saturday morning after our son’s first full week at school, I asked that he consider going in the afternoon instead so we get the morning together - he said I was being controlling and he provides everything so I should know my place..

Fuck that shit!

Honestly, this would be 100% divorce territory for me. No thinking about it, no wondering if I was being over dramatic or over sensitive. That would be it.

Know your place OP - it's sat in the chair of a divorce solicitors office telling the solicitor your H is a misogynistic arsehole and you've hit breaking point.