Wear it to Asda

[TheGoodBanana]

Have you ever used the phrase "wow if I looked like that in that dress/bikini/underwear I would wear it to Asda" or similar?

I got a new outfit that I felt absolutely amazing in, big breakthrough for me as I am so critical of my body.

So I was super excited and sent a pic to my DP saying I felt amazing and didn't want to take it off. Then joked I would wear it to ASDA.

It's just a silly phrase and there was clearly no intention of actually wearing it to Asda I was just excited.

Now he is sulking saying I was trying to make him jealous and just wanted to flaunt my self for other people to see.

I genuinely just felt good about myself for once and I think he is being ridiculous and trying to tear down my self esteem to punish me for daring to look good. It's just a silly phrase!

Was I being insensitive and flaunting myself or is DP just having a tantrum because he doesn't want me to feel good about myself.

Oh OP, I never say LTB but please, please, cancel the wedding and LTB! This will never get better, only worse - potentially much, much worse.

You want to believe that he’s a “sweet and thoughtful” guy who just has this one flaw, but it’s the other way round. He is a deeply controlling, jealous and dangerous (to your psychological safety at the very least, if not worse over time) man who knows he has to wear a “sweet and thoughtful” mask every so often to keep you confused and wrong footed.

Listen to your gut and run for the hills.

Have a party to celebrate yourself instead. Fuck him off. Don't get caught up in sunk cost, be pleased you noticed before you signed.

It's misogyny, that's why he wants to control you. Because he fundamentally feels like you are lesser than him, and that you are his property.

I fully agree with @Washyourfaceinmysink - that line stood out to me about you not knowing your own mind. So you’re ripe for being controlled. And he’s already succeeded in getting you to not wear bright lipstick or certain clothes. What do you think will be next, because if you stay with him, you can guarantee there will be something next, and something after that.

This sounds like an episode of, Murder in Slow Motion.

Best believe I’m still bejewelled, when I walk in the room I can still make the whole place shimmer. ✨

Have some Taylor Swift lyrics, because you ARE shimmering and how dare he try and dull that. Please don’t marry him.

There is nothing more exhausting than being in a relationship with someone who plays mind games like this. You end up as a shell of your former self.
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?
The more you write, the sadder I feel - please don’t commit to a future with this man.

Project forward a little to after your wedding. Will you be starting a new thread saying how good marriage is?
It is more likely that you name change to start a thread about how controlling your new husband is about sex. Some days it might be withheld to tease you or he might insist on a very subservient dominant position for you as a punishment.
Think on.

Some car crashes seem slow motion, but they are still fucking inevitable.

You’ve done so well to recognise the warning signs. Be brave and walk away. He will not change.

I've never heard the phrase.

To me it would mean an outfit looks cheap, not that you would look good in it!

But if you and your partner understand a different meaning for the phrase then I also don't understand why he's having a tantrum as Asda is hardly going to be a place to meet men!

Unless you were thinking of twerking in the cheese aisle in front of a young male staff member assigned to restocking the sliced cheese section?

He's a childish twat by the sound of it.

This is the one and only post by this user and they're asking to see a picture of you.

Obviously don't do it.
This could be anyone including the shit weasel 'partner'

What a tedious man he sounds. You can't even make a joke without him centering himself and his hurt feelings in it. What a miserable life you'll have with him and his sulking. I bet it won't be the last time he ruins your good mood.

Being unable to get any refunds on wedding stuff because you've realised he's an abusive prick who will never change will be worth every penny.

If you marry him, he will get to the point of accusing you of wanting to pick up random men if you wash your face, if you brush your hair or teeth, if you go to work, if you do shopping without him, if you buy a packet of knickers so high up, they finish above your bra.

And if you're indoors as a prisoner in a dirty t shirt and leggings with the snottiest cold , he'll accuse you of having multiple Internet affairs.

He sees you as property with the morals of an alleycat. Just because you're female. He hates women. We're all whores in his eyes - you included.

Please, please cancel the wedding, don't speak to him, don't ever be alone with him. Because he despises you and you're not safe.

Op, it must be really difficult to read these responses, because they don't feel like the man you've come to know and love. But something has been niggling at you, and something about your relationship feels jangling, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.

Listen to your deep intuition.

The most telling thing here to me is that you've said your therapist reminds you that you still have time to think about the marriage. In my experience, that is therapist-speak for "don't do it." I could be wrong, of course.

Anyone who says “have some human decency” about what you wear and your makeup is a asshole of the highest order. No good man would ever say that. Not one.

What a strange post, I definitely won't be posting pictures of myself 😂

It is difficult, I think I just thought the wedding would reassure him and on so many ways he is perfect but this issues are so draining. And he doesn't take responsibility for anything.

I appreciate everyone taking the time to post and offer me advice, I am reading it all and taking it in. I am not going to make any rush decision but the wedding is coming round fast!

The wedding will not reassure him. Not in the way you expect.
However, it will convince him that as your husband (=owner), he is fully entitled to control you to a degree you can't even imagine.

Please do not marry this man. Please cleave to your identity and freedom. Please believe there are decent men out there who would never want to take your self and crush it.

(edited for spelling)

Quite.
Hes one of those insecure men with a massive ego. The worst combination.

Wheres his consideration of your insecurities? It’s not there.
He’ll gladly criticise you to make himself feel bigger- like a cruel bully.

Hes now ruined your enjoyment of your new outfit and I doubt you’ll wear it.

This is not how a loving partner behaves.
Him feeling “insecure” or jealous does not excuse his bullying.

If you were to go ahead and marry him he would take it as validation. That is it validates his behaviour - he was RIGHT to treat you the way he has, a wedding would prove it.
Please re read my recent post with this.

In all the threads I’ve seen on mumsnet I’ve never been so invested in hoping an OP changes their plans…
This feels like a pivotal moment for this person and I really hope she has the strength to see that she deserves to be treated better.