I have recently come out of a 9 year relationship with someone I now believe was emotionally abusive. We did counselling last year and I recorded the sessions on voicememos on my phone. (Not for any sinister reason, and mever told anyone I did this. It was just so I could listen back later to fully absorb the points). At the time we felt the therapy helped. The relationship went on for another 15 months before we broke up finally.
At one of the sessions I said I sometimes felt afraid of him and he blew up in the therapy room. The therapist then suggested we do solo sessions for the next two weeks. I just listened back to my solo session and it is so glaringly obvious to me now that I was in an abusive, controlling relationship.
I told her numerous stories in that solo session about how he went mad if I didn't immediately agree to what he said. That I had made massive changes in my life as a result of him making nasty comments about me (I stopped drinking and smoking, lost weight, moved because he wanted to etc etc). That he shut me down by shouting in my face in a really scary way if I tried to talk about any issues. That once he'd calmed down I was always expected to never mention the issue/ row again.
And I told her I was afraid of being alone and that was pretty much the only reason why I stayed with him, but I also felt he pushed me to be a better person by forcing me to do things to improve myself.
She asked me why I said I was scared in the previous session - did I feel he would be violent? and when I said no, I'm afraid when he shouts in my face and I'm afraid I'll be trapped forever in a miserable relationship, she said "well he and I assumed you meant violence when you said you are frightened. That's why he blew up. You should have put it differently last week and you need to think about how you say things' FFS!
This wasn't some two bit, barely trained counsellor. She owned a large counselling company and we paid a premium to have her as one of the most experienced relationship counsellors in the area.
I know that doesn't mean she's not useless. But honestly aren't these people trained to sniff out abuse. I honestly think if she had probed a bit more perhaps I would have woken up to the bleeding obvious and got out far sooner!
I feel like reporting her! But obviously I can't reveal I have it all on tape!
Advice?