Partner left and wants to come back but worries we’ll argue

[Shannab]

So my partner left me 3 months ago. We have 2 children. He just says we keep arguing and falling out and he doesn’t want the kids to see us arguing. However the arguments are over silly things and totally resolvable… like for example who’s more tired me at home with kids vs him at work. Little bickering over things like this lead to him losing his temper and walking out the door. He officially left to live with his parents 3 months ago.
He is now saying he does want us to be a family again, and so do I, but he is worried about the little arguments. He said he will come back if I don’t pick little arguments with him. I’m trying to explain to him bickering amongst couples is relatively normal and our fall outs can easily be worked through. But he is hesitant to return home as he doesn’t want to tolerate any arguments.

Can I just have your opinions on this matter please?

What!!! He wants to place a condition that you never say anything that could start an argument.
That's the least realistic idea ever!
It places all blame of all possible future arguments on you before you even begin, that's a recipe for disaster.
If you agree to that all that will happen is that he will be absolved of all responsibility for a joint issue and will have no reason or motivation to put in the emotional effort necessary to a healthy relationship.

Don't agree to that, you'll just go mad tying yourself in knots trying to keep an impossible promise while he is scot free on his side.

If he can't recognise a pattern in his life and start to open his mind to self reflection and how he might be playing a part in this dynamic then you'd be better just letting him go, shedding your tears and building your life without someone who sees the fault in others and not in himself.

Two words for you. Coercive control.

The only way to respond to this is with a swift "Off you fuck" alongside "so, what does 50% custody and responsibility for your children look like dear".

As countless others have pointed out, he's only doing this to silence you into being a good little wife so he can continue his dream of being a man from the 1950s.

Don't let your children grow up seeing this is how women are meant to be treated. Break the cycle. Tell him you how he's enjoying living with his parents. Get on with your life. You'll be very glad when you've got rid of this 10 stone of useless man off your back.

He comes back on the condition that you capitulate to anything he wants and never open your mouth while he does whatever he wants? You being permanently worried he will leave you again? What kind of life is that?

Also cliche I know - but who has he been shagging while you were apart. If this is the case, he is only returning to you cos it all went pear shaped with an OW.

You say ‘DP’ not ‘DH’ and that you are AH with DC. Unless you personally have lots of money, wouldn’t remain financially dependent on this man!

Just for context no we are not married. I have my own job whilst kids are at school / nursery and I rent on my own so I’m not financially dependent on him. He has his own job pays child maintenance and lives with his parents for the time being

Cut your losses and move on OP. I know it is easy to say but couples will occasionally bicker and argue and you'll then be walking on eggshells in case he goes off in a huff. That's no way to live.

Agree.

His proposal is setting you up to fail, so that he can leave again and say he tried but couldn't put up with the arguments, despite asking you in advance. He would then be able to spin the break up as all your fault because he, the good guy, tried.

That's actually a way to mess with your head and the kids heads. What a prince.

The only way to respond to this is with a swift "Off you fuck" alongside
"so, what does 50% custody and responsibility for your children look
like dear".

This.

What a terrible man he is.

So he'll only come back if YOU'RE reasonable?

He needs to piss off. Bluebeard's a better option than this one.