Partner won't respect boundaries

[Potatodaisy]

Sorry tmi.

I usually use the combined pill however I couldn't pick up repeat prescription in time and told my partner we would have to use condoms or pull out. We had non barrier sex and he finished inside me despite telling him he can't. He's done it several times in the past when I've had issues with the pill (eg illness as I feel if there's an issue he should know). Also when we normally have sex he tends to tell me when he's close and this time he didn't most likely so he could continue. I physically couldn't stop him doing it as either I'm in a position I can't or even when we do girl on top he physically grabs and moves me so I can't. I know it sounds stupid as I did choose to sleep with him but I've said so many times he can't just ignore me and how would he feel if I lied about being on the pill and forced him into a potential unplanned pregnancy situation yet he is choosing to do this to me. He says he gets carried away and he's sorry but it feels awful as I feel like I can't even trust him with sex anymore. What should I do to address this? For background we had an unplanned pregnancy which I terminated as we both agreed it was for thr best which is why it feels even worse he does this.

You stop having sex with him. And find a new partner who actually respects and gives a damn about your body and your feelings.

Dump him and aim higher.

I'm so sorry that someone has done this to you.
Let alone your partner who is supposed yo love you.

No means no op. For any reason. Even if you say yes initially and then change your mind. And of course if you say yes to a certain kind of sex and no to another- no means no.

Your partner, has assaulted you. Physically holding you from escape when you want to stop is sexual assault.

You leave him. And never, ever go back. There is no excuse for abuse, or assault. None. Nada.

To be honest, he belongs in jail.
I'm so sorry op as this is probably awful to think about. But this man is a violent abuser and even if he was Mr perfect in other regards (which I very much doubt) you need to leave him.

Ps: I hope you got the morning after pill asap.
Can't think of anything worse than being pregnant to this utter scumball.

No more sex for him until he learns or it should be over

He's sexually assaulted you op, that's what he's doing each and every time he does this.

And he's doing it over and over again. Sexual assault.

No means no. Even if you said yes up to a point, he is going way beyond that which you agreed and is assaulting you.

LTB. There are no excuses for his behaviour op, ZERO.

What would you advise a friend to do? A sister? A daughter?

I consider that assault and would leave him.
He doesn't have any respect or love for you to willingly put you at risk of needing to have a termination.
He is vile.

If you are that against it you should insist on condoms or abstain

Why shouldn't he abstain, since he is the one who loses control of himself, @usererror99 ? Why should OP be in charge of stopping another adult from losing control of themselves?

I feel like I can't even trust him with sex anymore

You can't.

What should I do to address this

Stop allowing his penis into your body.

It's that simple, OP. What's stopping you?

I'd end it over that. Definitely. In the most intimate way possible he ignored your wishes. You were vulnerable and he just did what he wanted despite you having been clear you did not want that. He could have worn a condom but decided not to.

Absolute bollocks.

I have used the pull-out method a number of times in the past, my then boyfriend had no problem doing it. But then, he wasn't making excuses to ignore my boundaries or bodily integrity. And neither was he an apologist for that.

OP, it's up to you of course. But if he ignores you on this my guess is there are other things he also ignores your wishes on. And maybe you should think about that and how it makes you feel as an equal partner with control over your own body.

Are you willingly ignoring the fact he physically restrains her to finish inside her after she has not consented to that act?

It is assault.

It's rape: sex you didn't consent to. He said he would pull out, but he didn't, therefore you didnt consent = rape

It's very wrong

If I said to P that he can't finish in me he would probably say he would rather abstain.
If we had sex anyway with him knowing this (especially if I wasn't on contraception) he just wouldn't finish in me.

It's called respect

Holding her there is assault.

Also- a one time accidental early finish when he knows how awful that could be for her? Yes it's possible. But he should be so mortified aboit it that he always uses a condom from then on. Once is maybe an accident, but several times? No, he's just doing what ever he wants without caring about her. He doesn't give a fuck. Before, during and after.

His behaviour is absolutely outrageous.

You are wrong, and it’s more than assault it is rape as she hasn’t consented to that act. I hope you aren’t a man and have taught any daughters you have better. You are a victim blaming idiot :-)

Please leave him. This is sexual assault/rape/coercive sexual abuse. What is he like in other ways?

You've already an unplanned pregnancy! Please don't let him keep bullying you.

Imagine you called his bluff and said you were pregnant and keeping it.

Noooo. He needs to be off.

Oh no...someonene said the r word. The thread will now likely be hijacked by the 'it's not rape' crew :/

But yes, I only used the word 'assault' to be kinder to op, who is going through enough atm. And to avoid that argument.

I think rather than getting into a debate on the specifics of his... horribleness we should just agree that he sucks and op needs to get out. And support her in doing so.

Your partner is a rapist.

Please leave this disgusting human being.

But he agreed not to finish inside her, so why aren’t you questioning him lying to her, rather than expecting her to second guess how difficult or not it might be for him to pull out? He purposefully kept quiet about the fact he was about to finish because he knew she didn’t want him to finish inside her. He’s clearly intentionally deceived her in an intimate situation which is unforgivable in my eyes.

It's really fucking not. I'm a man and there is absolutely no point in time where I'm not able to control the urge and can't pull out.

It's entirely possible to orgasm without realising you're that close, so I really wouldn't recommend the pullout method as a form of contraception, but no, at absolutely no point is a man incapable of removing his penis from his partner.

Are you also of the school of thought that nature makes men want to spread their seed far and wide so the poor things can’t help acts of infidelity?