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Original poster

Partner won't respect boundaries

86 replies

Potatodaisy · 06/09/2023 19:17

Sorry tmi.

I usually use the combined pill however I couldn't pick up repeat prescription in time and told my partner we would have to use condoms or pull out. We had non barrier sex and he finished inside me despite telling him he can't. He's done it several times in the past when I've had issues with the pill (eg illness as I feel if there's an issue he should know). Also when we normally have sex he tends to tell me when he's close and this time he didn't most likely so he could continue. I physically couldn't stop him doing it as either I'm in a position I can't or even when we do girl on top he physically grabs and moves me so I can't. I know it sounds stupid as I did choose to sleep with him but I've said so many times he can't just ignore me and how would he feel if I lied about being on the pill and forced him into a potential unplanned pregnancy situation yet he is choosing to do this to me. He says he gets carried away and he's sorry but it feels awful as I feel like I can't even trust him with sex anymore. What should I do to address this? For background we had an unplanned pregnancy which I terminated as we both agreed it was for thr best which is why it feels even worse he does this.

OP posts:
Throwncrumbs · 06/09/2023 20:15

He doesn’t care, he doesn’t care if you get pregnant as you can have an abortion…he doesn’t care because it doesn’t affect him..he doesn’t care! Selfish arsehole!

sodthesodoff · 06/09/2023 20:18

It's assault.

You say no. He forcibly holds you in place

You know how fucking awful that is right?

Why are you putting up with this?

Noicant · 06/09/2023 20:21

Leave, just leave, you shouldn’t have to “address” things like this. In mutually respectful relationships this wouldn’t be a problem. You don’t treat someone you care about like this. He literally does not give a shit about what you said.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2023 20:23

You need to figure out why your standards are so shockingly low and why your taste in men is so shockingly bad.

Justleaveitblankthen · 06/09/2023 20:27

He's a Wanker, so leave him to Wank instead.
Also, you are not a "Girl", you are a fully grown woman.
Get rid 😡

EarthSight · 06/09/2023 20:34

Your consent, your wishes don't matter AT ALL to him. Run. He's already physically held you in place, ignored your verbals, knows what he'd doing is wrong.

All there's left is for you to not feel you're in the mood one day and for him to pin you down and rape you, or start doing it when you're asleep. Leave him OP. You should also consider reporting him to the police.

EarthSight · 06/09/2023 20:34

EarthSight · 06/09/2023 20:34

Your consent, your wishes don't matter AT ALL to him. Run. He's already physically held you in place, ignored your verbals, knows what he'd doing is wrong.

All there's left is for you to not feel you're in the mood one day and for him to pin you down and rape you, or start doing it when you're asleep. Leave him OP. You should also consider reporting him to the police.

I think what he's done to you do for is also rape btw. I'm sorry OP but he's so abusive.

EarthSight · 06/09/2023 20:36

For background we had an unplanned pregnancy which I terminated as we both agreed it was for thr best which is why it feels even worse he does this

Fucking awful OP. Leave him!!

SpringleDingle · 06/09/2023 20:37

My guy can pull out if needed (not for contraception as it’s a rubbish method). He absolutely CAN control himself and chooses not to. It is assault and you should ditch his arse!

EarthSight · 06/09/2023 20:38

@usererror99

Jesus learn to read and analyse before passing utterly stupid comments. Take your abysmally low, rapey standards with you to Reddit.

gravitytester · 06/09/2023 20:39

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/09/2023 19:56

Your partner is a rapist.

Please leave this disgusting human being.

This.

Bettyboobaloo · 06/09/2023 20:40

He raped you. You didn't give him consent

justanothermanicmonday1 · 06/09/2023 20:44

You end the relationship. Because you've told him no, and he's not. Simple as that. I'd lose all respect for him and would feel physically sick being near him.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 06/09/2023 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Come off it! Absolutely no woman thinks like this, stop it.

1990cgee · 06/09/2023 20:55

This is absolutely unacceptable and what’s worse is that you had an unplanned pregnancy and terminated so that’s a very clear message to him that a pregnancy is not wanted and he still continues to ignore this fact potentially putting you again in the same situation this is extremely selfish of him . You deserve better x

Gcsunnyside23 · 06/09/2023 21:50

That's sexual assault. But why are you using withdrawal as contraception? It's so so unreliable. If you don't want to be pregnant and not on the pill then use condoms. I hope you got the morning after pill. Are you sure he isny purposely trying to get you pregnant??

Meadowflower2023 · 06/09/2023 22:01

He's done it several times in the past when I've had issues with the pill

I know it sounds stupid as I did choose to sleep with him but I've said so many times

What should I do to address this?
*
For background we had an unplanned pregnancy which I terminated*

Reading these parts of your post I can't understand why on earth you need to ask how you should address this? Just either dump him for being a total idiot or at the very least stop having sex with him when you know you're not covered by the pill.

GodDammitCecil · 06/09/2023 22:03

These threads make me so angry.

The solution is blindingly obvious. You don’t need us to tell you.

DUMP HIM.

MaggieBsBoat · 07/09/2023 05:46

I think @usererror99 is just trying to tone down the hyperbole. The shrieks of rape and assault don’t help in the same way that when a woman gets patted on the arse and she shouts assault (and of course it legally and actually is) that it undermines recourse to defining assault under worse situations.

That all said, why are you having sex with him at all @Potatodaisy . Leave him if he doesn’t respect you. There’s a choice for you. He did it once and you stayed.🙎

Shoxfordian · 07/09/2023 06:27

Why try to tone it down? Nobody is shrieking about rape - just pointing out that this is what the op’s partner has repeatedly done to her - he’s a rapist. It’s a shame our legal system is so shit that you can’t report him to the police and expect any kind of outcome but you can and you absolutely should leave him op. Call rape crisis for support and/or women’s aid. Be really kind to yourself and get away from him

Bananalanacake · 07/09/2023 06:36

Don't waste your life with this selfish, abusive man

RedRobin100 · 07/09/2023 06:41

I honestly think you rectify it by leaving him. that is assault bordering on rape be as you have told
him and HE KNOWS that you don’t want his penis inside you when he ejaculates and HE IS WILLFULLY BLATANTLY disregarding your wishes.

please please please leave him and raise your standards OP - this really disgusts me. Why are you allowing him to do this to you?

MushMonster · 07/09/2023 06:44

Leave him. Break up and start a new life.

Nat6999 · 07/09/2023 06:44

That isn't sex, it's rape. Either leave him or kick him out, he should think himself lucky you haven't gone to the police.

Autieangel · 07/09/2023 06:47

Either-

It was an accident- use condoms
It was intentional- dump him