Boyfriend on holiday without me

[Wobbawobball]

Both in our 30s. Dating/together since February.

Boyfriend is on holiday with a group of friends. I don't necessarily have an issue with this, but am a) sad he didn't invite me as it is mostly couples b) the main issue in our relationship is his lack of time for me, he has a v.busy job and family/friends life. We've had one or 2 full weekends together but no plans for holidays etc and it's sad he's taken 8 days with friends when I rarely get more than once a week with him.

He is on day 3. Has been barely texting, called me this morning and I wanted to be really positive and happy but couldnt do it and told him I was feeling a bit down about not being able to have this time with him. Just feeling really jealous as I would have loved a holiday. He ended the conversation after 5 mins and he didn't want my negativity.

We have had a rocky last few months where he had a freak out about commitment (he's never had a long term GF). His freak out included him saying he's not 100% sure he sees a long term future with me, so we scaled things back a bit so he had more space and since then things have been really fun and building back to what they were, but underneath I have been really anxious. Now this trip has come up.

I am so torn. On one hand, I really want to be with someone who wants to make time for me. Then I think about how awful online dating was and when we do have time together we are so in love. I wonder if I have unrealistic expectations after years in a terrible long term relationship that someone wants to sweep me off my feet and jump in to commitment quickly. Maybe this is the reality that dating in your 30s people have established lives and it's harder to fit in to each others than it was dating in my 20s?

I don't know if I'm just being anxious and ruining things by being sad about this holiday or if I have a genuine point about his lack of prioritizing his time with me.

Hmm, I don't think this is a black and white situation.

I can completely understand him going away with friends and not feeling ready for you to join them at six months together.
And in a healthy relationship, you shouldn't be worrying about not hearing from someone when you know they're busy.

I agree with PPs you should book a holiday for yourself! With friends or family? Or by yourself?

However I do think it's an issue that you don't get enough time together and have had a rough couple of months. Have you spoken frankly about things like that? Are you able to talk about where the relationship is going?

I'm in my 30s in a new relationship and we probably only saw each other once a week usually for first six months, although we did have a few weekends away in that time. Once we got to six months we discussed that we both wanted to spend more time together and we started having more mid week dates too.

It is complicated when you both have lives etc.
But I suppose the key thing is both being on the same page? As clearly, you aren't getting what you need from the relationship and you need to work out a way of talking about it/seeing if it can be improved, and if not, walk away.

I'd say don't give up immediately but don't waste too much time on him if things don't improve after a serious talk.

This made me laugh...

He's got you tucked away in a little box he takes out when he wants a shag.

Thanks @gamerchick

I've been there.

OP, sorry you're going through this. If he's not giving you the relationship you need, walk away. Life is too short to bother about people who cannot be honest and are flaky.

OP - I've been in the exact same situation, dumped him then found my amazing husband. PLEASE do yourself the kindness of breaking up with him. You WILL find someone who loves spending time with you, is proud to show you off infront of all his friends, who makes an effort to check in regularly, who cares deeply about your feelings. But staying with your current boyfriend is stopping you meeting the one.

Where lol, again having got used to making do or accepting bs off of men, where do you find good ones 🤷🏻‍♀️
I find this stage of life early 40's with a DC difficult. Some keep telling me to go for my age or above pref who has already had kids or doesn't want them. But i don't want to be rude I just find some a bit off putting/old looking I know that's bad.
Then if I date below my age like 30's most up for a good time, oh they are happy to make it a regular thing but not much else will come out of it i don't think. Or you get some who want kids etc, that is not for me. Then others who acknowledge that they are too young for(how good of them) and want sex and that's it 🤦‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Don’t do anything

just stop texting him ! And take a while to reply and take time out

i sadly agree that he’s not as into you as you are Him

so take a step back and stop the texting

you can’t stay with someone a bit crap to you just because OLD is grim x

Honestly my love there’s a whole world of lovely men out there who are emotionally available & who want a partner. You’re being treated as optional.

Do not put up with it from anyone.

That said, be a grown up and discuss it when he’s back. Not a long paragraph text. I think if you’re honest with yourself that would just be a cry for attention and reassurance.

You are absolutely wasting your time with him.

Freaking out about commitment after a few months in his 30's?

A total loser who is 100% wasting your time.

I wouldn't contact him again.

I wouldn't hesitate to break up with him over text while he is on his holidays.

He's not keen.

Kill it.
Hes a fxxkwit that is messing with you.

You owe him nothing.
Do it quickly and start detaching.

He is a waste of time - please move on for your own benefit. Better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. You are feeling insecure about the relationship as his actions are showing you his true feelings - he is not bothered about making time to spend with you. Once a week is not a relationship

Bin

He is not that into you

Do not waste your time with him

Find someone who wants to spend time with you

I agree with this. There's other couples on the trip and I think he should have invited you. If it was a lads trip that would be different.
I think he is compartmentalizing his life, trust me I have been with men like this and it hurts, it make you feel anxious as time goes on. I am sorry.

I understand why you're sad that he's gone off on that type of holiday without you and without even asking you.

Sorry but with what he has actually said to you, he doesn't value you and should get in the bin. Hope you can find something nice to do while he's away, life is too short to pine over people that aren't worth your feelings.

It is if you have kids lol

Sorry but he’s not that into you, and you know that, so stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Actions speak louder than words and all you’re doing is stringing out a bad situation.

Be brave, take control of your destiny and get yourself out of this misery.

Face it head on and have some respect for yourself. You will be better for it and will feel proud of yourself (eventually).

You matter 💐

Ah OP, it really is the worst feeling isn't it, sending you hugs.

You don't want to play games and just want everything to be easy but I think it's probably time now to start pulling back. Why don't you let him show you how he feels? Pull back for the rest of the holiday and see if he pulls forward, if he does great, if he doesn't then you have your answer x

A relationship since February is still very early days and in my opinion not holiday worthy especially when it was already booked and with friends. I'd stop messaging and let him miss you. Just chill out or you'll freak him out and he will likely end things, especially if your on the rocky patch after a 6 month relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fair enough if the holiday was a pre booked one with a group of old uni friends etc no WAGs.

But given that there are some randoms and couples there, I would've expected an invite in your shoes OP.

As others have said, sounds like he's not feeling it here.

End it OP and find someone who wants to spend time with you.

Yeah, he's not for you. It's a shame but you can't wish the relationship into something it's not. You deserve better.

You want different things and he's made it clear.

6 months together but the last few of those have been rocky?

What would you advise a friend?

Tanks all for the honest advice! He's been dumped and blocked!

Very well done.

It might take a couple of months, but once the dust has settled, you’ll see him for who he really was, and you should be very proud of yourself for having strength and self-respect.

Came to say this and pleasantly surprised to see someone has beaten me to it! 👏

Just only read your OP and was thinking to say you should just walk away but you already did. Well done! When a man is serious about you he will make it happen and it's clear to you.

Thank goodness.

Well done.

Some women can end up wasting years with twats like this.

Don't kid yourself, they know EXACTLY what they are doing.

A complete waster of your time.

💪🏻