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Original poster

Would you date a 39 year old who is twice divorced and engaged a further time.

95 replies

cheltsam83 · 25/08/2023 06:38

Quick poll and thoughts. I've started to date someone. Lots in common and I'm attracted to them. They have told me they are twice divorced and also been engaged a further time.

One thing I have noticed is they are very intense and throw themselves into things in a big way.

Should this be a red flag. They are 39.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 25/08/2023 07:27

No

Hibiscrubbed · 25/08/2023 07:30

Not a fucking hope.

harerunner · 25/08/2023 07:31

Dotcheck · 25/08/2023 07:06

Well, YOU don’t have to marry him right away. You could actually date him a bit and see?
He could have childhood trauma which he’s worked on, or all sorts of other reasons why. It could be bad luck, who knows. Why not get to know him rather than relying on strangers judgement?

Agree. You could post that he's practically perfect in every way, but he shoplifted a chocolate bar once when he was 16 and people would tell you "No, don't date him!". It's the stock response from various posters embittered by their own issues.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 25/08/2023 07:43

It would be a red flag for me. I'd want to know why they feel their marriages ended, and what role they played. If their exes were "crazy", then no.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 25/08/2023 07:47

Yes I would, he maybe insecure, hes been honest though. Buy as pp have said just take it slow.

MoyoGaza · 25/08/2023 08:17

Has he (they) proposed? There’s a lot more to consider about a person other than how many times they have been married. People can divorced multiple times - all for perfectly legitimate reasons. You shouldn’t put too much weight on that.

You can meet a single-never been married- no kids-no baggage person, who is an absolute nightmare and a demon to live with.
Human beings are complex, and sometimes on paper, a person’s history and profile might look hmmm, tricky or colourful e.g married 3 times etc. But in reality that person might just be the one for you! Someone you actually get along with and in fact a decent human being!

Focus on the person, the individual and get to really know each other. That will help both of you to decide. Taking a poll on MN, though interesting, will be of limited use.

FiddleLeaf · 25/08/2023 08:19

I don’t think so. I wouldn’t feel as special and almost like I was just a void filler. When he proposed I’d hate the idea of him doing it 3 times before.

PaintedEgg · 25/08/2023 08:37

the first marriage sounds like a "stupid blip" in their history, but they probably should learn from the experience and get a little less intense

Isolated17 · 25/08/2023 09:16

No. I dated someone (on and off) for three years who had left two women he had children with. He made it sound like he had children with one woman at first. He had also been on and off with each for years before splitting for good.

He was full on love bombing the first few months, then became controlling and abusive.

Yours might just be flaky rather than abusive, but it shows a lack of tolerance. I wouldn't expect a different outcome.

He'll treat you like he treated them.

NotNowGertrude · 25/08/2023 09:17

No

Saschka · 25/08/2023 09:19

Well I definitely wouldn’t marry them!

I might shag them depending on how attractive they were.

HamishTheCamel · 25/08/2023 09:21

This could be a red flag but he might have just been unlucky. No need to dump him, but take things slowly OP and don't let him rush you.

Sarah2891 · 25/08/2023 09:22

No.

But everyone seems to be assuming this is about a man, it could be a woman.

80s · 25/08/2023 09:32

married at 25 divorced after a year. Married again at 27 divorced after eight years
And what about the engagement?
Was the second marriage with the AP that ended the first marriage? If so, perhaps they got married so fast the second time to "legitimise" the affair? Otherwise it does seem like they rush into things a bit, however long the second marriage lasted.

CrazyCatLady42 · 25/08/2023 09:38

I met someone who was 40 and divorced twice. We've been together 18 years now. Not married - not jinxing it 😁

IncompleteSenten · 25/08/2023 09:40

No.

Mmhmmn · 25/08/2023 09:42

Seems harsh to throw them back if you get on so well. You'll need to be clear and consistent with boundaries and take it at your pace. Sounds like their pace could be way too fast!

MrsFiddle · 25/08/2023 09:42

The edit button still reveals what you originally said btw!

RitzyMcFitzy · 25/08/2023 09:54

Lol, God no. I’d have a fling and tell them so long. Leaping in and out of marriage isn’t a turn on for me. They must be easily pleased in the first place and then quick to give up on things when the sheen wears off.

It’s all a bit Katie Price, getting engaged to any guy she’s been on more than 5 dates with.

ShellySarah · 25/08/2023 09:56

An old colleague of mine is wife number 3. He's only late 30s. They seek happy but time will tell I guess.

BlowDryRat · 25/08/2023 10:02

Run for the hills. My ExH is on yet another girlfriend after his second divorce (not from me). Why two failed marriages aren't giving his current gf pause, I have no idea.

Peony654 · 25/08/2023 10:05

If they don't have any kids, I'd probably give it a couple of dates. I'd want to know the backstories on the marriages/divorces. A definite no if kids.

RitzyMcFitzy · 25/08/2023 10:06

I was reading about Stacey Dooley's partner. He isn't yet 40 and is already thrice divorced. I think some people must get addicted to the whirlwind of romance.

bluebellart · 25/08/2023 10:07

Being married for a year at 25 - meh. Young people make mistakes all the time.

The second marriage lasted years.

That wouldn't bother me in itself. I'd be more concerned about the intensity thing and whether the ex he has a child with would be problematic or not.

VernonScrips · 25/08/2023 10:08

RitzyMcFitzy · 25/08/2023 10:06

I was reading about Stacey Dooley's partner. He isn't yet 40 and is already thrice divorced. I think some people must get addicted to the whirlwind of romance.

she said on The One Show that her friends call her Anne of Cleves 🤣