I have just sat for the last hour and listened to the reasons why somebody doesn't want me

[fairyfly]

One could almost get bitter.

Wine please.

He was cruel to ask me to marry him and say he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. A man that knows he is leaving doesn't make those statements.

If i was leaving someone i would begin to experiment with distance. What he did was make love to me, say he wanted to buy me a ring, stood me up, let me take my son to hospital alone and then text me to say, tell the parole officers i am moving in, you are safe and protected.

If he was protecting me yesterday to help me leave him he should have kept his distance, not booked a holiday with me etc. Maybe said stuff like,,,, we shall see.

He was cruel to be cruel. God knows why.

I still feel absolutely horrid. Lost. Alone. Scared. I realise there is a way out though, been here before.

Message withdrawn

Don't be sorry dior, i was rude, i am just offloading, i'm sorry

FF what an arse. From everthign you've said in the past about him, he's always going to shit on you and run away when things get serious, he gets close - and especially when he has to stand up and be a family man for you all, like now, when you and ds need him. He needs therapy.

None of the crap he's spouted is about you, it's about him.

So sorry for all you're going through.

But... thankyou for that poem. I misread it as "marmalade cannot compete" - which probably makes just as much sense.

Thanks, i feel ridiculously foolish, i so wanted to believe the good bits.

I suppose facing my crap alone is easier than being let down, tortured, stood up.

Now i know where i am

Believe them though, they were real. He has to convince himself that they weren't so is telling you they weren't - otherwise he has to face what a failure he is, letting you down just when you need him most, because he is not a whole enough adult to handle a whole relationship/commitment.

The good parts were as real as the shitty stuff - just seems to be a pattern, and maybe you've finally had enough of the shit?

Just don't let him convince you're the problem - you're not. He is.

What I mean is, he meant them and wanted to believe he could do it, but when it came to the crunch, hasn't got it in him? I think.

True torq, and that is why my computer is wet with tears.

Oh my goodness, don't worry, i am not going to get involved with another man. I understand that i am vulnerable. I understand that men lie when they want to take you to bed etc.... but this has just done my confidence a world of good.

A handsome tall business man i know, successful, the kind of man i never look twice at. I used to find them arrogant, perhaps it's just confidence.I usually look at boys, no grown ups!

Anyway he just rang and said, darling, you know why he left you? to give people like me a chance to get into your life, stay in tonight, adore yourself and hopefully one day i can love you as much as you need to be loved.

Ha!

Nothing like a shallow conversation to get ff back on her feet.

'Anyway he just rang and said, darling, you know why he left you? to give people like me a chance to get into your life, stay in tonight, adore yourself and hopefully one day i can love you as much as you need to be loved.'

Okay, please do not get offended, but this is just the type of language your ex bf used to use and used on you in the beginning.

Just be on your guard, you know?

Look after yourself.

You need to spend time developing a terrific relationship with yourself, loving yourself and work on it with the same energy and commitment you gave to these men.

Because only you can make yourself happy.

expat, i explained that i wasn't falling for it, that it was nonsense, it was just nice that somebody rang and made the effort.

I said, no i don't want to go out, thankyou very much. It was just a nice feeling to know there is a big world out there that is not all about my heart breaking.

It reminded me of the adventures i can now go on.

I didn't for one minute think, oh hurrah, lets go to bed you will save me.

I though, oh hurrah, i exist without him.

See if you recognise him on www.heartrelationships.com/ARTICLES/Narcissism/WkMay30Narcissist%5B1%5D.htm

I know, girafeski and i diagnosed him as a narcissist some time ago (i do hope you mean my x and not the man that just rang, i don't care wht he is!). In the personality disorder site we found my x it said it is incredibly hard work to cut off from a narcisisst but if you don't you will lose you mind. Did i listen? Nope.

groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/canwehelpthem1.msnw

A lightbulb lit up above my head when I read about narcissism. Suddenly my relationship with xh had a name and an explanation. It is so, so difficult to cut off from them, but I had to do it and I did. I loved and missed him so much when when split up,( also hated and disliked him as a person, don't get me wrong. What a total head fuck he was).

I feel a total mess, no sleep, don't understand it all. I was so patient with it all. I feel like such a fool. He is like a child. I have to move back to my parents, i cannot afford the holiday we have booked. I have been living in a fantasy world and i still just want him here to make it all go away. I am going to the doctors tomorrow, i have not eaten for three days. I eat last night and threw up everywhere and i am shaking with lack of sleep. I am such a stupid frikkin cow to have stuck with him and to still want him. I need my head examining.

Fed the ducks, ordered boys a take away, made sure they had a good day. Now drinking wine. Begged him back, yes i begged him back, amazing how i can lose my dignity when in love.

Tomorrow a wonderful friend is taking me to college, she thinks i will not go if she doesn't, she is right.

I just said to me eldest, you'll be ok sweetie won't you without seeing him. Eldest replied at the ripe old age of eight, my feelings are for you not him, soooooooooo clever that little man of mine.

all normal FF promise you that. Your soulful little ds is right. You know from past bitter experience that it will get better. Can you do one thing? Can you place as high a value on yourself as your ds just did? No one has the right to fuck you up. Get mad get even but quit with the begging him back. Write it all down in a letter but don't send it. I've got mine from years ago and I piss myself laughing at them now. Tis therapy for free.

Thanks Piffle x

Yes, my little boy was 5 when xh and I split, and he said 'the only person I need is you mummy'. What an ego boost. That's how you should be loved, not hot and cold, ad nauseum.
And as for the man that thinks its ok for xbf to leave you so that he can have a go, wtf? I mean its nice that other people fancy you, but where's the sympathy? How has he managed to turn your split into something all about him??