I have just sat for the last hour and listened to the reasons why somebody doesn't want me

[fairyfly]

One could almost get bitter.

Wine please.

he is not worth the energy. UNfortunately some people seem to get their self worth through playing games with others.

As to your holiday - find a friend who can come too - go away and have a blast - think of it as the start to the rest of your amazing life.

even if he did come back and say he would come to the hospital with you, until the day arrived,

you'd never be able to trust that he'd be there

you could never depend on him to be there

you just would never know when it would all go tits up again.

But it would.

I want him there as he was the love of my life.

I know people think, how can he be? i don't know the answer to that, i really don't.

But i adored him, i was honoured by his time, his laughter, his company. I don't want to leave that.

I sell myself short, i know that, but how do you walk away form someone you want so much.

I am very sane, my therapist told me, ha! I just feel what i feel.

You want him because you have a connection built and it doesn't get severed in a clean cut when you break up, unfortunately, which always makes the whole thing such a struggle.

I agree it was a power thing with him. He needed to somehow see how he could affect you, make you unhappy because it made him feel wanted/desirable or whatever was missing in his character. It was behaviour determined by a lack in him. And he got into the habit whenever that lack unsettled him of overcoming it by hurting you and seeing you hurt. It's a crap thing to do to someone else.

He was very lucky to have had the time with you that he did have.

I just rang him.

What a fool!

Last week when the parole officers were round all i could see was an empty chair beside me. I needed someone with their hand on my leg, that person that made love to me. That person that meant the world to me.

What i am trying to do now is realise it was all in my head, which would make me insane wouldn't it!

My mother has just rang and said i am not normal, anyone who was wouldn't be upset and could see it coming, that i shouldn't waste and grief.

Do people think i don't know that!!!!!

The heart feels just what it feels, and i feel gutted.

grieve i mean

I wonder if lou33 ever shagged his brother

makes you no more insane than me and a million trillion other lasses FF.
We've all done it my dear.
The day when you stop meeting devious cocksuckers is a day to look forward to.

He said on the phone

"ok ff, i don't need this grief, i want a stress free life, what the fuck is it you want, i have no answers, i don't know what i have been doing, lets just get back together then if it keeps the peace and makes me have a good time"

I said

"do you mean that?"

He said

" No, just fuck off, it's boring"

Ohh fairy *big squeeze for you

why aren't u concentrating on your children? didn't u say that your ds is having surgery soon? then that should be uppermost in your thoughts not this waste of space fuckwit of a man seriously, you're not 16 any more, have some respect for yourself!

MoodyMammy

I think I got the gist of what you were trying to say, but text speak was not on the syllabus at the convent.

FairyFly needs support and empathy, she has been through worse in the past and she will rise above it. In the meantime, she does not need someone she doesn't even know being so down right horrible.

To quote my Nanna, If you need to say something nice and you can't, say nothing.

Moodymama, good name.

Because alas, i am not a Martyr, i adore my children. I cannot switch off emotion, to be the best mum i can, i have to be happy, geddit?

FF

Can you promise me something ??

Yes of course ljg, thankyou for sticking up for me, you do know i would like you on my msn don't you~?

Anyway, what can i do for you, not ring him, stay away, that kind of thing?

No matter how bad things get do not take to writing poetry....granted it would be better than some we have seen, but still............

Oh god please, can i cut and paste some, just what this depressing thread needs, i am so glad i knew this man, he cheers me up so much when times a hard.

His words are so soothing

Go on then, I will go and get one of DS's old swim nappies, I bound to become incontinent reading it.

Candle lit shadow,
Cast upon the earthen barrier,
Titan?s hoards flounder,
The beacon heralds harbour,
My battered vessel many leagues apart.
A craggy toothed bay,
The entrance to my enclave.
The driving sheets prise warmth from all creatures,
Its mother protective, angry, teaches us,
Her body, tears, breath, consumes us.
Powerless drifting, mast matchstick, sails now ragged,
Manmade cannot compete.
My blood calls, pounding, racing, yearning,
Screaming in silence, a drowned voice,
For her safety, my shelter.

See, he is wise, i do have a battered vessel

Is he chuffin hell as like.

Battered vessel? Come off it love his willy wouldn't have been that big or he would not have been such a tosser . everyone has been on the wrong end of an arse like this at some stage, and in a few year's time you'll be able to hoot with derision if you so much as hear his name. It hurts right now, sure, but the hurt will go.

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