Am I being controlled?

[BaronessKareness]

Posting for advice and opinions, please…
been with partner (M59) for 4 years now, we get on great, really
‘clicked’ from the start, loads in common etc. He moved in with me last summer as he works away Mon to Fri and there was no point keeping 2 homes running. Since around May/June, he’s been suggesting I give up my job (part time hospitality) as he earns very good money and could easily cover my wages. I’m tempted as I’m sick of my job and finding it hard-going the older I’m getting (very late 50s), and also I love being at home. He is now in the process of getting us a joint vehicle, so we would each sell our own car and share the nice new one. I would have it with me all week. Starting to feel a bit 😳 over the weekend as he’s suddenly suggested I wear less make up as
‘I don’t need it’ and he likes my hair tied back or up- as I look ‘prettier’….. (I really don’t!!)
im starting to feel a bit like an Amish housewife… I’m just waiting for him to arrive home with a bonnet for me!!
Soooo… am I right to feel a bit odd about this - or am I reading to much into this?

Have you got 35 qualifying years for the full state pension?

Re “random money” I merely meant he’d say, “ I’ve had a belting week, here’s x amount, go and have a spend” My DDad used to do the same if he’d had a belting week, and I would do it with my son too. Nothing sinister at all.

I work mainly for the social side, therefore only part-time. Sadly it’s become toxic in last 12 months or so.

@category12

Do you want my full name, date of birth and NI number? passport sized signed photograph, driving licence and a utility bill not older than 3 nonths???
You’ve gone beyond giving advice to full blow nosiness!

I also note you live in a tourist area so alternative work there is not necessarily going to be that easy to find out of season. It may well be you’re going to have to travel to another town near you in order to find work. I would not give your current job up though until you have another job in place.

Not really, you wanted feedback on things you might not have thought about 😂I don't care to know the actual answers to it, I'm just bringing it up in case you haven't.

It's an enviable position indeed, if you can blithely afford to miss out on what 7, 8 years of pension contributions and potentially part of your state pension without blinking.

You and your partner seem to have a healthy and respectful relationship. I can’t see how some PPs are making him out to be some sort of coercive controlling narc based on the limited information that they have on him.

You know your relationship best. Sometimes people give advice that suits their own narrative and agenda, and that seems to happening on this thread.

Where does he stay when he's working away and how does he get there if he doesn't use his car, sounds a bit odd. Are you sure he's not living somewhere else and you're his weekend woman? Or perhaps I'm just being paranoid.

@Ecci
Paranoid????😱

He lives in a 44 ton wagon!😆

Sometimes, I’m the woman who sleeps with him in the week (if I go with him… I don’t really recommend it tbh😵‍💫)

@category12

Di you work in pensions?

If not, why not?

Never known anyone so obsessed with them!!
My old school friend worked in pensions… Thank God, she rarely mentioned it, and she certainly wouldn’t be mithering a stranger on the internet about it!

Sorry you're not enjoying being asked about the practicalities of your plan. 🤐

@category12

ODFOD - and take your
pension-obsessed nosiness with you.

😂

Call me naïve but I think you're overthinking this

He actually seems like a decent bloke.

But if you like wearing makeup and how you have your hair - carry on!

With the more recent updates, i agree @Nanny0gg

@Nanny0gg

Thank you🌹

I do think he’s a nice bloke, in 4 years, he’s never shown me any reason to doubt him… I’ve think I’ve just got a last minute panic! Maybe even he had one when he gave his house and furniture up to move in with me?🤷‍♀️

He sounds great and I would go for it if I was you.

You’re in a good relationship and things will naturally evolve and change. That’s the beauty of it.

So many negative people on here. If it doesn’t work out, all you have to do is get another job and a car (which lets face it you would have to do anyway at a point).

He sounds lovely and not controlling. You're overthinking it and mumsnet is feeding into that.

He sounds lovely, and like he adores you.

I would quit your job and look for a new one. Don't stay at that toxic place.

You are a lucky woman, and he sounds like a lucky man. Enjoy each other. 💓

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9
How lovely of you to say that! Thank you so much!🌺

Do not, whatever you do, give up your financial independence. I made that mistake. Don't do it.

Do whats makes you happy enjoy the moment life’s to short just keep the things you enjoy maybe he just wants the best for you you do have choices
but being with someone you love is the most important thing no one can look into the future everybody takes chances in life if it works great if not move on there is allways something you can do for yourself x

The original title was 'Am I being controlled?'

if it wasn't in the back of your mind OP

you wouldn't have needed to ask the question.

Yes….. I was asking what other people thought, to get a perspective from people who weren’t close to the situation🤷‍♀️
Rather like any time you have last minute panic about something that’s going to change in your life?

He sounds lovely OP. lucky you!

Yes, he is lovely 😁

It all turned out ok for me!!

We bought the joint car, no issues arisen in 6 months with the sharing arrangement.

I went back to work on reduced hours in October which suits me fine, I ignore the yadda-yadda toxicity and it’s working just fine.

I help occasionally with his parents but not on a regular basis, so all in all, life is pretty calm and settled.