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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just deleted me .. what happened?

125 replies

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:09

Chatting to a guy on line for last ten days.
Suggested we exchange numbers and photos of me. I don't have profile pics up for work reasons. He ignored that suggestion.
A few more days passed.
Last night, I suggested we wrap this thing up as I felt he was looking for a pen pal and I'm not . He said he'd like to meet so I replied with a suggestion of exchanging numbers again. I also said that his own Profile pics may not even be his own I woke up this morning and he has deleted the conversation and me ...
What the hell????

OP posts:
Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:43

TheShellBeach · 20/08/2023 09:42

Why do you work with sinister men?

Probation service or similar probably

Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:43

@GoodChat . This is something that I've only thought about this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:44

@TheShellBeach ..because it's my job.

OP posts:
Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:44

You’re going to meet a lot more “sinister men” op if they swipe right and you don’t have any profile photos 🤷‍♀️

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 20/08/2023 09:45

Do not give out your number until you have met them and want a second date.

This is because (sometimes) they send abusive texts and or dick pics. If it's via the platform they can be blocked/banned from harassing other women. If they have been reported several times for lower level stuff then they can notify the police, it'sall recorded in the one place. Off platform there is nothing they can do to protect you/women from sleazy men. Please observe OLD safety guidelines.

WunWun · 20/08/2023 09:45

The vast majority of women with real pictures and information on their profile never meet a genuine guy who is looking for a relationship via online dating. You will never meet a genuine guy looking for a relationship on online dating if you don't have pictures on your profile. That is a fact.

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:45

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:43

@GoodChat . This is something that I've only thought about this morning.

Make yourself a coffee and get out and enjoy the sun

Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:46

I'm sure that they're are plenty of folk who work with sinister people for example prison services, rehab, hospital and community settings.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 20/08/2023 09:47

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:46

I'm sure that they're are plenty of folk who work with sinister people for example prison services, rehab, hospital and community settings.

But why does that stop you from posting your picture?

Whataretheodds · 20/08/2023 09:48

Tryingmuchharder · 20/08/2023 09:30

This

Show quote history

This.

Given your reason for not exchanging photos why would you be so keen to give someone your phone number especially if you suspected he was catfishing?

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:48

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:46

I'm sure that they're are plenty of folk who work with sinister people for example prison services, rehab, hospital and community settings.

Agreed

and if all of them never posted profile pics… I would see many many profiles without pics

as it turns out… I reckon it’s been about 0.0005%

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 20/08/2023 09:48

@wonderfyl - I can totally imagine scenarios where you would be working with sinister men, so I'm not sure why other posters find this puzzling.

As an ex-therapist, however, what hit me was that you appear not only to be attracting sinister men, but you were nearly immediately caught in a 'game' with one of them. I think most people would have unmatched as soon as they read the 'tone' of his messages and his ignoring requests to send photos.

I wonder if you bring your work home with you a little too much and that it might be worth talking through an unconscious attraction to being connected with men who are less than healthy for you - both at work and at home.

Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:49

Because I'm threatened every single day through my work and having photos up knowing that some of them are on the platform makes me feel more vulnerable.
I can't explain it any more than that.

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 20/08/2023 09:51

Why did you want to meet him then? I would never message anyone without a profile picture, it really creeps me out when they don't have one, so I am amazed anyone matched with you (nothing personal, I'm sure you're attractive, interesting and funny etc). Sounds like you had bad chat, you questioned the authenticity of his photos and he wasn't ever really that interested.

You may be a little naive about online dating. There is a strong possibility his was a fake profile, also if it wasn't it was quite likely he was messaging lots of other women too.

People get 'ghosted' all the time, you just have to move on.

WunWun · 20/08/2023 09:52

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:49

Because I'm threatened every single day through my work and having photos up knowing that some of them are on the platform makes me feel more vulnerable.
I can't explain it any more than that.

So stop wasting your time with it! You're right, it makes you more vulnerable and it's also never going to work without a picture. So stop bashing your head against the wall.

TheShellBeach · 20/08/2023 09:52

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:49

Because I'm threatened every single day through my work and having photos up knowing that some of them are on the platform makes me feel more vulnerable.
I can't explain it any more than that.

Okay, but they already know what you look like.
You don't need to keep it a secret.

AuntieEsther · 20/08/2023 09:52

OP I'm a social worker and occasionally came across dads I'd worked with on tinder but I just swiped left and thought no more of it. Working with dangerous men doesn't mean you can't have an open dating profile! What do you think they will do with the knowledge that you're internet dating? Keep the info about you fairly generic, don't post your exact area/number of kids etc and don't post risqué pics and you're fine.

supercali77 · 20/08/2023 09:53

@CantThinkOfANameAtAll That's actually a very solid reason, I'd never thought of it like that.

Icedlatteplease · 20/08/2023 09:53

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:49

Because I'm threatened every single day through my work and having photos up knowing that some of them are on the platform makes me feel more vulnerable.
I can't explain it any more than that.

Given the risk levels of your line of work I'm really not sure OLD is even safe.

Would you be better asking friends to matchmake you

Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:53

@CeciNestPasUnPipi Definitely food for thought thank you.
I just thought that there would be more people like me on there, who for their own personal reasons, safety or otherwise , would withhold photos until more comfortable.
After I'd suggested sharing photos last night, my gut was screaming at me so that's when I wrapped it up.

OP posts:
Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:54

wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:53

@CeciNestPasUnPipi Definitely food for thought thank you.
I just thought that there would be more people like me on there, who for their own personal reasons, safety or otherwise , would withhold photos until more comfortable.
After I'd suggested sharing photos last night, my gut was screaming at me so that's when I wrapped it up.

But you didn’t wrap it up? He deleted you

kidsonthemoon · 20/08/2023 09:55

Sometimes people who are OLD just do it out of boredom. They're happy to chat but not really interested in taking it much further. Sometimes they are married, and worried about getting caught . Some people are indecisive, want to meet then don't. Some people have several irons in the fire and will just use you as a back up in case their preferred choice isn't available. It's brutal out there, it's def not for those who are thin skinned.

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 09:55

* I woke up this morning and he has deleted the conversation and me*

surely he “wrapped it up”

Original poster
wonderfyl · 20/08/2023 09:56

I did wrap it up having suggested that because we didn't share numbers or photos that it wasn't authentic to me and when I woke this morning he had deleted me.

OP posts:
Solonomi · 20/08/2023 09:57

OLD is a quagmire of freaky men, you’ll have lots more experiences like this. You shouldn’t chat for so long before either FaceTiming or talking on the phone. You’ll be wasting so much time.

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