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Original poster

Why do women have affairs with men with young children

999 replies

Thegreenpotter · 19/08/2023 22:52

As the title says. Why?

Do they have no concept of the toll that having young children can take on a relationship?

How can they feel ok playing a part in breaking up a family?

This is not to suggest the blame lies with the other women, far from. Just more a curiosity as to why and how they can do so from a moral perspective.

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 20/08/2023 00:56

I don’t think it has to do with being a woman, or being a man. Anyone married with young children who has an affair is without integrity. Same for the person who the married one is having an affair with. Two people with no integrity. Disloyal, dishonest.

catscalledbeanz · 20/08/2023 00:59

When I have been the other woman , I have been in a mutual relationship of convenience. Strong sexual attraction and compatibility combined with equally strong disinclination towards relationships. He has a relationship and a life that doesn't need messing with as do I. Ime it's the only real way to get GOOD no strings attached sex. The "players" are always shit at proper sex and just want to dip their dick once and run. The others think they want no strings and get needy af. That said- I've never broken a marriage as my intent is short term good sex. Never love, never complicated. Brief fun respite. What people don't know won't hurt them.

That all said - I've never asked if they have children, nor those potential children's age, I've never asked about the wife or his life. They aren't inclined to tell. if I had asked those questions it would stray beyond what a good affair is. So I don't know that I've ever slept with a man with young children

clarebear111 · 20/08/2023 01:07

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/08/2023 00:15

I had a friend that I have posted about before on this subject.....got to be 25 years ago now, and she was infamous for only being interested in attached men. She would meet them and go absolutely all out to "win" them, and when they had left their partners/DW/GF to be with her she would dump them within a couple of months. I think for her it was that she wanted the flattery, the excitement and the fun but none of the boring day to day stuff. The ones with kids got dumped almost as soon as they left the wife.

She lost a lot of friends on the last one I knew about. He left his wife and kids and she persuaded him to move to Aus with her. He left his kids behind and off they went! A month later she was back but as he had signed a two year contract with his UK firm to move out there, he was stuck. She didnt care one jot.

Last I heard (15 ish years ago) she was settled with a couple of kids, so who knows what changed, or if she really has changed. Dont know what she is up to now.

This is so sad. What a trail of misery to leave behind.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/08/2023 01:09

I came here to post about a former coworker who pretty much exclusively 'dated' married men. But @catscalledbeanz pretty much posted my former coworker's modus operandi.

No amount of discussion would convince her that what she was doing was wrong in any way. She figured since she didn't want him to leave his wife she wasn't doing anything wrong. She never acknowledged that it's not always the 'taking away' of someone's husband, it's often simply the cheating in and of itself that breaks a marriage. In that, any woman who takes up with a married man is 100% complicit in the break up of a marriage.

TedMullins · 20/08/2023 01:16

Like others I was much younger when I was the OW, 22 and he was 40. At the time I thought it was just something to tick off the bucket list tbh. He left her for me and we were together for a year before I dumped him, he was (unsurprisingly) a raving misogynist and totally unsuited to me. I did get a thrill over being “chosen”. I didn’t care about his partner’s feelings, she had actually started as an OW as well so I also felt some kind of twisted justice and that she deserved it as she was actually the one he left the mother of his kids for. Pot kettle black I know!

I wouldn’t do it now, but that isn’t because I care about other people’s families, it’s because if I was propositioned by an attached man now I’d think they were sleazy and a coward for not just leaving if they were unhappy. I wouldn’t find it exciting as I did as a stupid 22 year old. I’d probably tell them to leave instead rather than get their end away elsewhere so it wouldn’t be about keeping their family together. I don’t feel like I owe anything to anyone in terms of other people’s wives and children. I think people who cheat rather than facing up to the problems in their relationship and either leaving or trying to sort them are weak and cowardly though.

SplendidUtterly · 20/08/2023 01:32

Because if men are offered sex on a plate they will take it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/08/2023 01:35

SplendidUtterly · 20/08/2023 01:32

Because if men are offered sex on a plate they will take it.

But that doesnt answer the Op's Q which is, why (in your words) do some women offer "sex on a plate" to men who are in committed relationships, often with children involved.

KingOfThieves · 20/08/2023 01:40

They want to feel desired. Men who have a wife kids have a choice. Go home or see the mistress. Single men have few “better” options to be blunt.

Honeychickpea · 20/08/2023 01:41

SplendidUtterly · 20/08/2023 01:32

Because if men are offered sex on a plate they will take it.

Married men generally enjoy the pursuit more than sex on a plate. Sex on a plate is on offer at home.

Hadjab · 20/08/2023 01:41

Youdontsay87 · 19/08/2023 23:00

Because they're just not nice women are they.
My friends husband had an affair when she was pregnant with their second child. He left her when their baby was just 2 weeks old.
The women knew all about his marriage, his children and the new baby.
She had kids of her own. He moved in and became steps dad and never saw his kid after that. He's not together with the women anymore but he's gone on to have more kids with someone else.
Basically all round scum of the earth.
If I was in charge I'd make it a punishable offence.

By punishable offence, you mean you’d be punishing the man who reneged on his marital vows, right? The man who upended his wife’s life by sleeping with other women? The man who ruined his own marital vows basically by being a dog?

Wallawallakoala · 20/08/2023 02:18

Unfortunately it’s not just men with young children. I know a woman with young children who is having affairs with men, these men are usually in “committed” relationships. I’d be curious to know a really reason why.

Wallawallakoala · 20/08/2023 02:20

Sorry and the woman is married herself.

MysteryBelle · 20/08/2023 02:50

catscalledbeanz · 20/08/2023 00:59

When I have been the other woman , I have been in a mutual relationship of convenience. Strong sexual attraction and compatibility combined with equally strong disinclination towards relationships. He has a relationship and a life that doesn't need messing with as do I. Ime it's the only real way to get GOOD no strings attached sex. The "players" are always shit at proper sex and just want to dip their dick once and run. The others think they want no strings and get needy af. That said- I've never broken a marriage as my intent is short term good sex. Never love, never complicated. Brief fun respite. What people don't know won't hurt them.

That all said - I've never asked if they have children, nor those potential children's age, I've never asked about the wife or his life. They aren't inclined to tell. if I had asked those questions it would stray beyond what a good affair is. So I don't know that I've ever slept with a man with young children

🙄

FiddleLeaf · 20/08/2023 02:54

Thegreenpotter · 20/08/2023 00:19

If a women only wants sex then why not pick one of the millions of other men on the planet without kids. There are not a shortage of willing men.

I am particularly fascinated by the women that actively carry on this kind of relationship after the affair is found out. Why would you want to be with a cheater and a liar. A man that could so easily walk out on his children with barely a thought for the colossal consequences and impact it will have upon their lives. It’s so deeply unattractive.

But as I mentioned previously, perhaps it’s women who are immature or without kids and do not realise the consequences.

Because they fancy the man? It really can be that simple. They don’t know the wife, kids etc. There’s just always big chat on here about self esteem, ‘immaturity’. Some women just want some non committal fun.

I don’t think the assumption the OW wants a relationship with the husband is true in a lot of cases.

To be clear, I haven’t had any kind of affair but I’ve witnessed them and still friends with all parties. Life is complicated & marriage doesn’t suit everyone.

WandaWonder · 20/08/2023 03:14

Quantumphysicality · 20/08/2023 00:41

Yep. Stop looking to blame the woman. The cheater has the moral obligation to the kids.

Show quote history

The women could be married with kids herself

The only person to blame is themselves and not saying on here but I get sick of this blaming the other person for the affair 'I didn't know what I was doing they made me do it' you chose it you own it and stop trying to justify it

TheAverageJoanne · 20/08/2023 03:15

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 19/08/2023 23:57

Until i went through the utter devastation of finding out my DH was having an affair ( our DC were 7 and 5) i had never felt hate.

I now know what it feels like to hate.

I hate that woman.

She was in full knowledge my DH was married with children.

She told him i would be ok and would be eligible for a council flat.

The memory of our 5 year old vomiting for 2 days out of sheer distress will never leave me.

I hope you hate your husband equally

ClaraBourne · 20/08/2023 03:25

The fact he's risking it all gives them a thrill, an ego boost that he's with somebody else but shagging them.

Hawkins009 · 20/08/2023 03:27

Spywoman · 19/08/2023 22:54

You're asking the wrong question.

The right question is, why do men with young children have affairs.

Why and how can they do that from a moral perspective.

Still takes two

Dentistlakes · 20/08/2023 03:33

I don’t understand why either party would do it. What on Earth do they expect to be the outcome? The only result
is a disaster for everyone involved, it never ends well. Don’t people think these things through? All that happens is they have their ‘fun’ and leave carnage behind them.

I never understand how women can justify enabling cheaters by having affairs, especially when there are children involved. They have no moral compass at all.

highdaysandholudays · 20/08/2023 03:43

I left my ex when I found out he was seeing a woman three years older than him. He was 52 at the time. She was married and a grandmother. That was very hard to deal with. She messaged me to say she felt like she'd been lied to. She knew about me. She's got enough life experience to know what she was doing was wrong. I do absolutely hate her and I've never felt that before. I have no obligation to worry about her. My ex has not coped well with what has happened. I know he bought it on himself. Some OW are not sweet and innocent. Some are narcissistic beyond belief.

SensetheTone · 20/08/2023 03:59

I have recently found out my husband was having an affair. The OW is also married with kids. I absolutely despise him, but I do also find myself wondering about her - how could she do that to her own kids and to someone else’s? Two families wrecked for the sake of a few shags.

Honeychickpea · 20/08/2023 04:03

Solonge · 20/08/2023 00:24

I think we all know that. I think OP is asking why women dont consider the wife and kids when the enter into an affair. Of course the husband is at least 50% to blame but I also find it unbelievable that women can crap on other women. We talk a lot about women supporting women and the ‘sisterhood’ but it seems to mean nothing to some women.

Show quote history

The only person crapping on the woman is her partner.

Honeychickpea · 20/08/2023 04:15

justread · 20/08/2023 00:33

Sometimes they just don't care. The wife and kids are of no interest to them.

And apparently of even less interest to the married man.

Gowlett · 20/08/2023 04:21

in my experience, it’s mostly younger women who have no idea about family life. Then they have a baby together…

NewNextOfKin · 20/08/2023 04:32

I'm watching the start of this right now. The man is quite attractive, but flirts widely, desperate for female validation. Lots of local women fancy him. One woman I observe responding to him is hyper-competitive and insecure, always checking to see how she is doing against others. Both she and the man are quite fond of alcohol. Something could start I think. Both have young kids.