Why do women have affairs with men with young children

[Thegreenpotter]

As the title says. Why?

Do they have no concept of the toll that having young children can take on a relationship?

How can they feel ok playing a part in breaking up a family?

This is not to suggest the blame lies with the other women, far from. Just more a curiosity as to why and how they can do so from a moral perspective.

It's a way of letting men get away with even more than they already do.

No, it's a way of letting women get away with treating other women like shit and perpetuating their own misogyny (that they are more attractive, more exciting than the boring old fuddy-duddy wife)

Anyone who has an affair ( with or without children involved ) is intrinsically selfish and lacking in self worth! They are taking their unhappiness and putting it on to someone else!

I see in these cases that some people always blame the woman involved but the reality is that it takes two people to tango. Years ago one of my friends (A) was seeing this man for a few months. Another friend ( B) of ours saw this man's photo with his wife and 2 children in magizine. She told and showed A this. A confronted her boyfriend over this and his reply was I only married her as she got pregnant.
A then told him to get lost as she had no interest in being a married man bit on the side.

I think that some men can't cope when a kid or kids arrive and suddenly they are no longer the centre of attention. It hard work when you have a baby/kids. Some men are unhappy with the lack of sex, effection and possibly with the fact that they are expected to do more at home. They are quick to blame the wife or partner but have not the ability to realise that if they did more it would make life easier for their oh.

A few years ago I knew one man who cheated on his wife several times and they have 2 small kids. She give him a final chance and he did it again. She packed his bags for him and told him to leave.
His girlfriend wanted nothing to do with him. He ended up living in a studio apartment in a rough part of the city. His life became a total mess because of his cheating.

Many reasons. Off the top of my head, because many women have low standards. It's evident son hundreds of treads here. Then at for me in below the ground, and women put up with so much worse than a cheating partner. For some women, any man is better than no man.

Another reason is that some women get a boost from that fact that they were so irresistible to a married man that he couldn't help but have her. They feel 'chosen' over his wife, he's sad really. Probably linked to low self-esteem.

I know a man who had affairs when the children were under Five.

• he compartmentalised his life
• he didn't want the social stigma in leaving a young family
• he believed that his wife's focus on the children gave him a justification

Regarding the women....he said many had children of their own. But l also think a woman isn't breaking up the family the man is.

Did his wife think him having sex with you made him a better husband and father or was she being deceived and exploited by him? If he was having sex with her while deceiving her, was she able to consent to this? People can't consent to things when they're being deceived. What does that make that relationship?
Sure, you're not a narcissist and you have bags of empathy 🙄 and you weren't complicit in another human being being abused and controlled and yeah, you having fun with another adult is just dandy even if it makes you an accessory to relational abuse. No name calling here BTW, just outlining the facts...which apparently you're just fine with as are your lovely friends.

@Thereasonidid so we agree to disagree then. That I think it is better to have a moral compass and not get involved with people who seek to betray and hurt others. For the sake of an orgasm.

I'm happy with that.

Many reasons. Off the top of my head, because many women have low standards. It's evident from the hundreds of threads here. The bar for men in below the ground, and women put up with so much worse than a cheating partner. For some women, any man is better than no man.

Another reason is that some women get a boost from that fact that they were so irresistible to a married man that he couldn't help but have her. They feel 'chosen' over his wife, it's sad really. Probably linked to low self-esteem.

Corrected that awful post full of typos

One night stands tend to be different, there maybe not any intentional malice or premeditated thoughts or deliberate lying but an affair for both sexes is a different kettle of fish.

Very planned and very deceitful, this is where lack of empathy and concience comes into play for both sexes. The character of these individuals is shown and forever marked down just as a thief is characterized as that.

It's an unfortunate tag but no ammount of blame shifting alters the reality of the crime, for both sexes.

If you believe an affair to be a crime, some do, some don't.
It depends on your own belief systems, what contrues as an injustice, what is considered a crime.

An affair is not a legal crime, but many believe it is a moral crime, others do not think it is a moral crime if they are involved in such behaviour but most would not like the same moral crime to happen to them.
The actions within an affair, the abuse that naturally occurs in most affairs are considered to be criminal.

If you are the type to ignor abuse and the pain of others then you are a strong candidate for an affair, male or female.

Affairs are the furthest thing from love.

Love for marriage, children and for your fellow man.

Wow. Just wow. No wonder you don't believe in sisterhood - because you have no respect for other women's opinions. You have an amazing deep feminism that goes beyond supporting other women or showing them any respect or care. And by the way, my sisterhood goes to how I treat other women every day of my life - including the work that I do, socially, in every day interactions.

Good luck with your deep lone feminist campaign. I bet you are held in very high esteem by every woman who meets you!

My experience as well. She knew perfectly well that he had a DC and inserted herself into his marriage.

They did end up married. I think they both got what they wanted. They got to play at being parents EOW with two professional incomes. They didn't go on to have children together. I suspect she saw what had happened to wife no.1 and didn't want to risk it. He was quite happy being Disney Dad on an occasional basis.

Sisterhood is made up nonsense that women like you ONLY want to use to benefit yourself (no other woman can touch ’my man’, that’s the law of the sisterhood🙄).

No shit, what do you think marriage is? Very weird that you want to touch other women's men. You'd have to be very insecure to be angry at a woman wanting to be sexually exclusive either own man WTAF

"Many reasons. Off the top of my head, because many women have low standards. It's evident from the hundreds of threads here. The bar for men in below the ground, and women put up with so much worse than a cheating partner. For some women, any man is better than no man."

That is spot-on ^

I also noticed a power dynamic in these affairs where the man usually holds the balance of power viz executive/secretary, doctor/nurse, factory worker/manager.

These guys know they have women who are used to being in a 'lower' position workwise and financially. That can then continue in the relationship where they will 'know their place' and not ask for too much/rock the boat.

It’s not socially acceptable for men to do this I was in the hairdressers a while ago and an elderly lady was sadly relating how her grandson had left his girlfriend with a baby. Every woman in there irrespective of age or class including his own grandmother tutted and showed disapproval.

There are a lot of cliches on here, like the woman didn't know he was married or the woman was young and naive. The worst trope - she wanted to win him. While that may be the case for some, in other cases for women and men it is simply about sex, love, or both.

I think we attribute it to one of the above cliches as justifying the affair with a moral reason makes us feel better, but in reality lots of men and women who are older with life experience do have affairs, knowing there are kids, but they are not bothered. This does not make them villains.

No crime has been committed, yet the outrage on here and explanations are over reactive.

Do secretaries still exist? Do doctor nurse relationships take place outside of Mills and Boon romances?
Perhaps run with the affair with the nanny/au pair. Bonus points if you specify that she is Eastern European.

"Do secretaries still exist?" - Yes.

"Do doctor nurse relationships take place outside of Mills and Boon romances?" - Yes

Sorry, forgot the nanny/au pair, my bad.

The men, however, are seduced innocents, and their wives are saints from whom no man would want respite.

Maybe the phrase married man with young children is significant. It is not any better for someone with older children to have an affair. It’s just they are more likely to be older and deemed less attractive. I would hazard a guess that most men with young dc are of an age where they are still young enough to be deemed attractive and probably have a decent job with a good income.
These 2 factors probably attract women.

I have been tempted by attractions to a taken man with children in the past, and he made it clear that he would have an affair with me given the chance. The reason I didn't take him up on his offer was because I wouldn't ever be someone's dirty little secret - the obligation is to myself, and my own self respect not to be a bit on the side. I think I deserve better - refusing was never a function of whether or not I felt bad for his partner, but consideration for myself.

I think ultimately it's up to a man to honour his marriage vows or stay faithful to his partner. I don't really believe it's a woman's responsibility to take into consideration children she doesn't know and will never know. It's his. This whole 'sisterhood' and 'girl code' is largely fictional in my personal experience. Women who have affairs with married men don't consider the wives or children because the wives and children don't exist in their orbit. They compartmentalize and probably believe that if the man wasn't cheating with them he would be with someone else, so it makes no difference. Men also lie to their affair partners - say the marriage is dead, that they're separating, that they don't love her. Some women are taken in and believe this - that they aren't some dirty little secret. Some want no strings sex and don't want him to leave his wife.

Either way the blame for affairs lies solely at the feet of married/taken men who decide to be unfaithful. They aren't tempted by some harlot and whisked away. Your question should be why do men have affairs, and do this to their wives and children

Claiming your feminism goes deeper than someones marriage while also claiming sisterhood is made up nonsense is disordered thinking, its actually laughable. If you think like this you're not a feminist, sorry love but you're not. Opportunistically latching onto some feminist ideas as long as they align with your preferences (eg for lofty career goals) while turning a blind eye when it comes to your choice of sexual partners isn't feminism. Its a horseshit attitude and everybody knows it.

Yes its the man's 'fault' and they are chinless wonders who can't cope when they aren't the centre of attention once raising small DC take all the energy at home and married men who use dating apps are repellant, but if you are knowingly fucking one you know you're willingly harming others lives. You are not Juliette, he is not Romeo, you are not star crossed lovers with the world against you (although that may add to the frisson), you are selfish and spineless and morally bankrupt. Deny it fine but don't bleat to a forum of mostly adult women that you're a feminist and expect to be taken seriously.

My experience as well. She knew perfectly well that he had a DC and inserted herself into his marriage.
Surely, as she did not have a marriage, he inserted her into his? It could not happen otherwise.

Yes, it is very difficult and painful to admit to yourself that you made an extremely poor choice about something as important as the father and contributor of helf the DNA of your children.

I did not know it was pissible to misunderstood so badly.
I’ll spell it out for you: these ’sisterhood’ women only want the sisterhood to pander to them, they don’t actually care about other women at all.
For example: married woman want this so called sisterhood to not hook-up with her cheating husband, but at the same time looks down on single women.
Women who talk about sisterhood are the queen bee tupes, who only want other women to follow her orders and be her servents, they do not actually care about other women themselves.

And to be clear again, I would not touch any man, married or not, thank you very much.

But for some women it really is as simple as “I was seeing him because I fancied him.”

There doesn’t always have to be some deep and complex reason relating to past trauma or low self-esteem or whatever other psychoanalytic reason that people can find.

I didn’t want anything from the guy I was seeing and I certainly didn’t expect a future with him!

I didn’t need him for an ego boost, I didn’t need to feel “special” or feel that I was better than his wife and I didn’t need him to validate me and I didn’t need him for any of the other reasons that have been suggested in this thread either.

I had a great life, lots of fun, lots of friends, I certainly wasn’t insecure in myself, and I did it for no other reason than I fancied him and we got on well.

The reasons for us seeing each other really weren't as complicated as this thread portrays and being with him felt absolutely no different to how things felt when I’d had previous (single) boyfriends. He was just a guy I liked who I enjoyed spending time with.