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Original poster

My wife brings her daughter everywhere ...

128 replies

navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 07:33

My wife of a year (2 year together ) brings her daughter (22) everywhere.
We have arranged to go to gigs and she invites her daughter
I said let's go to Paris for the weekend -she invited her daughter
Our anniversary day out ,she brought her daughter and her daughters boyfriend
Her daughter is at Uni and doesn't live with us
Sometimes I would just like it be us two
Would you be bothered by this ?
Sometimes it feels like she wants her along because I'm boring
We went out with my friends who are quite intellectual and surprise surprise she brings her daughter
I don't have any kids so not sure if it's normal?
If it is -I'm sorry

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 14/08/2023 08:15

I’d talk to her and get her to check if it’s okay to invite her DD before she speaks to her. I’m sure sometimes would be okay, but I agree that all the time doesn’t bode well.

SpacePotato · 14/08/2023 08:18

Sounds like your wife just doesn't like being alone with you.

Hiddenvoice · 14/08/2023 08:21

No it’s not normal. I’m close to my mum but wouldn’t go out with her and my dad unless they both invited me somewhere. Same with my dh, I wouldn’t take my mum unless it’s a group thing .

Only thing you can do is suggest doing something then highlight that it’s just the two of you and then if she invites her dd again then ask why.

historyrepeatz · 14/08/2023 08:23

No that's weird to invite a 22 year to a newly married couples trip to Paris or an anniversary day out. Does DD pay towards any of this or is her mum funding or are you funding it all alone. I think that might make a difference too.

JustAnotherUsey · 14/08/2023 08:24

Maybe she misses her daughter and spending time with her so uses each opportunity as an excuse to see her.

I think you should be straight with her and say that you want to book something just you two. Or book as a suprise and say it's just for you two.

I find it odd that she brought her daughter to your anniversary celebration.

MrsMarzetti · 14/08/2023 08:24

Tell her ! Always say " i have booked a restaurant/weekend away for the both of us" " I have bought 2 tickets to this gig" Really by your age you should be able to talk to your wife.

Original poster
navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 08:28

@historyrepeatz we have a joint back account now so it all comes out of the joint account
We pay for everything

OP posts:
SilverDrawer · 14/08/2023 08:29

It’s very weird. I would just say quite clearly that you want to do these things just with her.

is there more to this though? Is there an age gap? How long were you together before you got married?

Original poster
navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 08:29

@SilverDrawer she's 6 years older than me
We were together a year before we got married
We have been together just over 2 years now

OP posts:
Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 08:31

Why doesn't your wife ask if her DD can come along beforehand? You need to say your happy with this anymore. I'm surprised DD wants to come along so often it's odd!

spitefulandbadgrammar · 14/08/2023 08:41

Why the speedy marriage? Did you live together before marriage?

AngelinaFibres · 14/08/2023 08:41

Did she marry you for financial security. Are you much better off than she is. Do you spend evenings together snuggling on the sofa. How is your sex life. Have things drastically changed since you got married.

acpk55 · 14/08/2023 08:41

That’s very weird, I would not like that at all.

SilverDrawer · 14/08/2023 08:42

Ah, I guess that’s not that long.

Do you get on well other than this? Is there a reason she might want someone else there?

If not, then I would say to her that you would like the default to be that it’s the two of you doing these couple activities, with her dd invited to the odd thing.

Original poster
navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 08:43

Yeah we lived together 6 months after we met and got engaged 6 months after so knew each other pretty well.
My salary is nearly double hers but both not big earners

OP posts:
Ohpleeeease · 14/08/2023 09:30

It seems like her daughter is her best friend, and she’s used to doing everything with her. It’s a bit concerning that you don’t seem to socialise well together. I wonder if you need to find a new activity or hobby for the two of you that doesn’t involve your friends or her daughter.

How do you get on at home alone together? Why did you marry?

OsirisservesAnubis · 14/08/2023 09:31

This is weird.

Definitely have a talk with her.

It's not unreasonable to want to do things alone with your wife. Especially anniversary meals and weekends away!

Ohpleeeease · 14/08/2023 09:35

If you’re going to have a talk, be very careful how you approach it. It’s crucial that you say you care for her daughter and absolutely see her as part of your family.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 14/08/2023 09:44

navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 08:43

Yeah we lived together 6 months after we met and got engaged 6 months after so knew each other pretty well.
My salary is nearly double hers but both not big earners

I’ve had stuff in my fridge longer than your relationship before you married. You can’t know each other that well if her relationship with her daughter and inclusion of her daughter comes as a surprise?

Bandyarsia · 14/08/2023 09:47

Nah, that would drive me insane. Very weird behaviour.

Tourmalines · 14/08/2023 09:50

Not normal . That is way OTT .

ConnieTucker · 14/08/2023 09:54

navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 08:43

Yeah we lived together 6 months after we met and got engaged 6 months after so knew each other pretty well.
My salary is nearly double hers but both not big earners

I think I've misunderstood your timeline.

You met. Moved in after 6 months. Got engaged at the year point. But have been married 1 year and together all together 2 years? im lost!

BoohooWoohoo · 14/08/2023 09:54

That is weird.
I have kids that age and while they love me, they have friends to go out with. One of them is home from uni and out at least 3 tines a week with her friends from secondary school. They wouldn't want to go everywhere with me and my husband (if I had one)
I think that she got remarried super fast too. A conversation is definitely in order because in your shoes I'd be wondering if she didn't like spending time alone with me.

Original poster
navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 10:05

Sorry I wondered it wrong
We met -moved in after 6 months ,got engaged
Then just over a year together we got married
Now we have been married a year (and together Just over 2 years )

OP posts:
LylaLee · 14/08/2023 11:21

navypaintthewalls · 14/08/2023 10:05

Sorry I wondered it wrong
We met -moved in after 6 months ,got engaged
Then just over a year together we got married
Now we have been married a year (and together Just over 2 years )

It takes at least 18-24 months of knowing someone to get the full picture.

You're now getting the full picture.

That's why it is advised that you know someone at least that long before even starting to think about marriage.

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