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Original poster

Husband Ruined my birthday

97 replies

Shxthusband · 14/08/2023 07:15

Ok so i'm not 5 years old and expect a song and dance on my birthday, I know it's just another day. But I do think it's common courtesy to acknowledge someone's birthday by saying happy birthday if you are with them and being kind to help them feel 'happy' on their birthday .

It's become tradition that myself, a family member, a family friend and my husband come to a festival for few days on my birthday ( it doesn't take a genius to figure out which festival). It's cost us all a small fortune but we always have such a good laugh, i feel lucky I get to act like a kid again, being silly and getting away from the stresses of home. My husband is usually full of jokes, adds to the silliness and is great fun to be around. He does however have form for going into grumps, becoming quiet and not really talking to anyone, but it's usually fixed once he has eaten or had a beer.

This time however, he has spent the entire time in this grump..made no effort to make conversation with anyone, shot down any efforts by everyone else to make conversations with him by answering in short sentences then going back to staring at his phone ( not even looking at anything in particular ( Facebook, sports news etc) he hasn't complained about anything, just said i'm not fussed when we were deciding where to go next, or what to eat etc and just followed the rest of us whatever we ended up deciding.

On my actual birthday i thought he would at least make some effort to come out of this grump, and have the decency to put whatever is going on with him aside and at least be polite to me, but no this grump continued. I woke up he didn't say a word to me. I tried to ask what was up with him,or just talk about anything in general, i got a tut and a look as if to say, why are you speaking to me, fuck off and a one word answer. Can I can say at this point i'm 99% sure I haven't done anything to piss him off ,because I am a very boring person who doesnt really do anything for herself and treats everyone with kindness and hasn't done anything out of the ordinary to have been the cause of his mood turn. Although I could be wrong,

He also told me as we left to come to this festival that he didn't bring a card and presents with him as he didn't see much point bringing things through to haul it back again, and i will get it when we get back. I thought fair enough, he has a point. I'm not bothered about presents just happy with good company on my birthday( which i got with my friend and family member) but it felt like my husband was deliberately making an effort not to be good company. I got eye rolls, tuts, comments like ' how old are you' under his breath. When i triedvto have fun. He spent the entire time scrolling through rubbish on his phone, not talking to anyone refusing to get in any photos or crack a bloody smile. He didn't buy me drink, not even a coffee. I didn't even a get a cuddle. Must most importantly ' in my opinion, because it costs bloody nothing ' I didn't even get a" happy birthday." from him.

I tried my best to have fun and ignore it, I did have some fun. My friend and family member are great company, but my husband pretty much ruined it for me and also i really felt for the others. He ruined it for them too. They could tell he was grumpy and i was disappointed and sad by his behaviour. I can't understand why he would be so selfish.

Il have gifts sitting at home, but I don't want them, I don't care. I just wanted to feel valued and cared for on my actual birthday!

OP posts:
FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 14/08/2023 07:18

He's a man child - can't stand a day that isn't all about him.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 14/08/2023 07:19

Are you sure it was just Facebook he was scrolling? Sounds checked out to me. Is he normally like this? Does he like the festival or just do it for you, did he have to go? He sounds pathetic

Original poster
Shxthusband · 14/08/2023 07:22

This isn't the first occasion and you aren't the first person to have said that to me

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 14/08/2023 07:22

Have you asked him why he behaved like that and ruined your birthday weekend?

Changingtides1234 · 14/08/2023 07:22

If you live together I’d be asking him to explain himself or take a few days away to sort his head out. He needs to just tell you what is wrong (if anything) or get away and work out what is up.

Original poster
Shxthusband · 14/08/2023 07:25

He loves the festival usually. It's hard not to and he has spoken about coming back again. I was beside him most of day and yes it was pretty much facebook and sports pages, he wasn't being sneaky with his phone or anything, he just looked like he was deliberately trying not to be involved in anything fun and was passing the time.

OP posts:
Olika · 14/08/2023 07:26

You need to have a chat. And don't let it go, get to the bottom of his behaviour.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 14/08/2023 07:27

Are you home now? Is he still behaving like this?

WilkinsonM · 14/08/2023 07:28

He's behaved like this before? I really can't imagine why you're still married to him?

Cherryana · 14/08/2023 07:29

Not even a happy birthday on your birthday? …Find your anger - how dare he treat you like this.

Theunamedcat · 14/08/2023 07:32

Plan to go without him next year

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/08/2023 07:37

You poor thing. He's either checked out of the marriage (maybe because there's someone else) or he's simply an arsehole.

TheCatterall · 14/08/2023 07:41

@Shxthusband massive squishes and happy belated birthday.

I would have told him to happily fuck off home and carried on without him or told him to go sit somewhere else so you and friends could relax. It sounds like you had to drag around a sulking teenage mood hoover. very immature and unappealing behaviour.

does he do this often when it’s your plans and attention on you? Does he ever do it at things that are all about him?

Instead of pandering and cajoling him to try and make it all better for the poor wee mite - do you ever just absolutely lose your shit at him?

This is a him problem and he needs to get over it or get help for it. I wouldn’t be wanting another 30+ years of it anyway.

StorminanDcup · 14/08/2023 07:42

Why have you “tried to ignore it”? Why haven’t you said “DP, you’re being absolutely pathetic. You’re purposefully acting like a child and attempting to ruin everyone’s experience, whilst also being extremely rude and disrespectful about me, my age and my birthday. So either speak up and tell us why you are being frankly a total prick, or take your sour puss face home and be miserable there instead”

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t call this out? Are you scared of what he’d say or do if we did confront him over the behaviour? Because honestly he sounds vile and these people only do this shit because people allow them to.

Russooooo · 14/08/2023 08:04

YANBU. I hate sulking. It’s immature and unattractive.

Have you actually asked him what’s wrong? (Not that it’s your responsibility, just because it’s so baffling)

Whataretheodds · 14/08/2023 08:09

Definitely speak to him but don't make it about your birthday- he was in a grump for the whole thing and that was rude for all 3 of you.

How many days were you away for?

honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 08:09

Honestly I would have blown my top way before now and told him to shape up or fuck off. How embarrassing for you in front of a friend and family member. I truly hope you don't let this go and tell him in no uncertain terms to either fuck off or never ever behave like this again. What a twat (him not you).

SkirtingBeard · 14/08/2023 08:12

StorminanDcup · 14/08/2023 07:42

Why have you “tried to ignore it”? Why haven’t you said “DP, you’re being absolutely pathetic. You’re purposefully acting like a child and attempting to ruin everyone’s experience, whilst also being extremely rude and disrespectful about me, my age and my birthday. So either speak up and tell us why you are being frankly a total prick, or take your sour puss face home and be miserable there instead”

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t call this out? Are you scared of what he’d say or do if we did confront him over the behaviour? Because honestly he sounds vile and these people only do this shit because people allow them to.

Yes, this. OP, are you frightened of him?

BippityBoppityBooHooHoo · 14/08/2023 08:18

TheCatterall · 14/08/2023 07:41

@Shxthusband massive squishes and happy belated birthday.

I would have told him to happily fuck off home and carried on without him or told him to go sit somewhere else so you and friends could relax. It sounds like you had to drag around a sulking teenage mood hoover. very immature and unappealing behaviour.

does he do this often when it’s your plans and attention on you? Does he ever do it at things that are all about him?

Instead of pandering and cajoling him to try and make it all better for the poor wee mite - do you ever just absolutely lose your shit at him?

This is a him problem and he needs to get over it or get help for it. I wouldn’t be wanting another 30+ years of it anyway.

All of this.

I'd bet that he turns into a class A prat when events are designed around OP.

I would not be sweeping this under the rug.

Finally, happy birthday! 🎂

Specso · 14/08/2023 08:38

My Exh used to be like this if he had to do anything that wasn’t interesting to him. He came along on a day out in the early days of our marriage which I’d organised as a birthday treat for my Dad. My Dad loved it but Exh was in a foul mood all day, barely speaking and not even trying to show any interest. I was really upset and annoyed with him when we got home for being so miserable at someone else’s birthday and frankly rude to me and my Dad. He rarely came along to things like that afterwards. We’re now divorced.

The part that sounds concerning is the eye rolling, tutting and ‘how old are you?’. This can be a sign of being checked out which leads to feeling constantly annoyed with and critical towards the other person. Has he been any different in general or just this weekend?

maryberryslayers · 14/08/2023 08:38

Stop wasting your life with this miserable person.
You say you are a nice person so enjoy your life without being weighed down. You may even meet someone else who actually appreciates you.

My relative was with a man like this, just sucked the joy out of everything and sat on his phone watching sport at all family occasions. She's now with someone like her and is so happy, they enjoy life and have lots of fun together!

I very rarely say it but LTB, you're worth so much more.

TinyTear · 14/08/2023 08:47

Why do you put up with it?

And Why do people go on about not to make a fuss about birthdays? DO make a fuss!

I have a birthday with a 0 later this month and usually I am also very much not too fussed but actually told my H this weekend to get himself and the kids sorted (kids still too young to do it themselves) as for once I want a fuss as it's a big birthday FFS (and that evening he did... I know how he and as a family we like lists, so I even sent a bunch of links - for example five links some something I want/need so it will still be a surprise which one they choose - and he was going on how it might be 'a book from Waterstones' so that's when I kind of blew up and said i am usually very much ok with a book from waterstones but not on a x0th birthday when I have given them enough ideas!

so @Shxthusband HAPPY BIRTHDAY from a fellow Augustonian and make him aware his behaviour was unacceptable.

NewName122 · 14/08/2023 09:20

Happy belated Birthday!! Sorry about your rude husband. There's obviously something going on with him but he should not have taken that out on you.

Kat19899 · 14/08/2023 09:26

maryberryslayers · 14/08/2023 08:38

Stop wasting your life with this miserable person.
You say you are a nice person so enjoy your life without being weighed down. You may even meet someone else who actually appreciates you.

My relative was with a man like this, just sucked the joy out of everything and sat on his phone watching sport at all family occasions. She's now with someone like her and is so happy, they enjoy life and have lots of fun together!

I very rarely say it but LTB, you're worth so much more.

Yes, this. It’s such immature behaviour and it sounds like it’s not the first time. A reasonable person would enjoy it best they could if their partner wanted to do something that didn’t interest them. To not even wish you happy birthday is baffling. You need to talk to him, find out what is/was up and if he won’t tell you or apologise I’m afraid he might be a lost cause

mycatsanutter · 14/08/2023 09:30

I would say ' seeing as you ruined everyone's weekend with your rudeness I don't want to be anywhere near you can you fuck off out of the house while I re evaluate this relationship ' .