My partner doesn’t want my mother round our house

[Feelingvulnerable1992]

Hi everyone. This isn’t heart related but I’m having a really bad time in my relationship at the moment on top of my heart issues and I could do with some unbiased opinions.

My partner is out of work at the moment. Him and my mum have clashed in the past. I don’t think my mum particularly likes him but she tolerates him and things have been much nicer recently. However all of a sudden something has gone wrong with his job and everything my mum says he is taking out his moods on her. Suddenly saying I see her too much (she works 2 days a week, I work 2 days and she looks after our children those days - then on our day off we tend to see eachother as my partner usually would be at work and on a Saturday we mostly see eachother - that’s how our family has always been , we’re very close) I get some people don’t get that. But usually he would be at work some weekends etc too and when he isn’t he has a nice break or goes golf etc. anyway he has said that he wants to get in from work and her not be here. She never outstays her welcome - trust me after a day around my active kids she probably can’t wait to get home and chill!! She stays until he is back to make sure I have help as my children are young and hard work and I have my heart issues. He says I’m so needy of her and it’s so unattractive. He says she is always here (she isn’t) but for example if my son has a swimming lesson on a Thursday at 6pm she will come and watch with me and I’ll always ask her in for a cuppa before she goes back home. He says I shouldn’t do that.

I feel torn. I’m happy with how much I see my mum. I get it’s his house too but mostly we go out and surely he needs to understand we are really close. It was only me and her growing up. Do I need to not invite her in for a tea? That would make me unhappy. Do I need to change and make myself unhappy so that he is happy. Why can’t he just accept how it is? Why is he so unhappy about me inviting her in for a tea.

I don’t want to change my relationship. I guess that means I’ll lose the relationship with my partner. But why should I change something that is mine not his - he says he wants to lay in his pants watching tv etc and can’t.

Am I being selfish? Or him? At this point I just don’t know anymore. TIa x

I would be very worried about a DH saying he can’t stand your DC. Protect yourself your relationship with your mum and your DC.

He doesn't work, doesn't parent and has a temper. More red flags than a communist rally. Get rid.

Is there more to this than what you've said?

You said in a post about your mum mentioning a pile of clothes he left on his bed, is she always on his case? I wouldn't appreciate my MIL moaning about my clothes.

Has your husband always been angry? Could there be something else going on with him?

Tbh I understand him needing to be able to sit on the sofa in his pants if he wants, it must be frustrating not being able to do what you want in your own home. Tell him to sit in his pants, warn anyone visiting of this.

Could your mum leave the house before husband gets home? Yiu shouldn't change your life with your mum but yourself and husband has to respect each others needs.

I would f—- him right off he is nothing but a cocklodger. I would be very careful of him and his demands and make double sure he has no
legal rights to your home. I read your first post and didn’t read between the lines, but your further comments and answers says it all, he has plonked himself there in your home and started dictating wtf are you getting out of this. If this was some else posting what would be your reply. F—- him right off. The arsehole is too controlling you your family deserve better

Zombie thread!