Husband is deluded

[Itsneverenough007]

Hi all
Just want to ask you guys if I'm being unreasonable or if I've really married an asshole.
It's to do with the garage door key - inner door from garage to kitchen has 2 keys normally left in the lock - the kids were larking about and we're going to lock each other out in the garage - kids said where are the keys I said I didn't know - husband then said in a very accusing voice ( even the kids picked up on it) to me - where are the keys what have you done with them - he got very patronising and said it must have been me that moved them - I swear that I didn't touch them. Anyway he's been giving me the cold shoulder for the last two days and said have I found the keys - I've searched high and low - until I checked his pen pot on his desk and low and behold there are the keys - now my dilemma is do I tell him I found the keys and risk him thinking that I only found them because I put them there or leave him to find them? Advise me dear people!!

He is gas lighting you, attempting to trigger responses, speak to your doctor about this.

Oh I didn't even consider that he put them in the pot on purpose!!

That's even nastier!

By the way husband is not deluded, husband is abusive.

My DH can be like this. He's absolutely wonderful in every other respect, except when things go missing. Without fail he blames me for it. This is despite me very rarely ever misplacing stuff, where as he does it constantly - nothing he owns has a consistent 'home'. Drives me potty!

Personally I'd tell him where I found them. Though I actually wouldn't have looked for them in the first place.

I mean, this is almost play for play exactly how the villain behaves in the movie "Gaslight" for which the abusive behaviour is named. OP, you say you are beginning to think he has a few issues; like what? It all sounds quite worrying.

Two days giving you the cold shoulder seems a big over reaction. Is this the way he usually behaves? I would just tell him you found them in his pen pot and are now expecting an apology. If this isn't forthcoming and he still blames you l would be telling him misplacing the keys isn't the only thing he will be losing!

Dh always blames us when things go missing. We call him out on it every time. And like, why the fuck would we move his glasses/ keys? Sometimes I am deliberately obstructive, because it pisses me off. Inevitably, it is because he doesn't want the hassle of actually looking and Inevitably, the thing is found. With or without my help.

i wouldnt be telling him, id just be making sure he uses that pot soon, maybe next time hes in there ask him for a pen or whatever is in the pot or casually walk over past the pot and gasp, Dear husband... why on earth would you have put the keys in the pot? Well i guess i wasnt going crazy it just wasnt me who moved them Hahahah kinda stuff

like fuck does he get to come off feeling like the one in the right BUT just know even if he is in the wrong, he will gaslight light and be like YOU musta put them there, he woill feel to embarressed not too

I’m confused by your question at the end.
is that your priority here? What to do with the keys? Or is it wondering why your husband ignores you for two days over some keys he perceives you to have stolen or lost? And why you need to enter into a weird game playing situation with him?

Do you normally lose or steal things?
are these particularly precious keys? because if the answer is no to both of these (even if it’s not really) he’s had a very odd reaction and I’d say your reaction to him is equally odd, which suggests this isn’t a one off.

Oh no I didn’t mean to quote the op
I hate when people do that
sorry everyone

You're both very childish

There's a big difference between being deluded and being an asshole. Your husband is most definately a first class prick.

Both drama llamas

That.

'Imagine blaming me for losing them when you're the one that has them right under his nose!'

I’d hide the pen pot!

Gaslighting OP?

This.
Make sure you call out his silent treatment first.
Because he'll forget completely that he has done that as soon as your discovery of the keys takes place.

Then the very next time he asks you a question or makes any comment to you, don't answer him. Just wait in silence ignoring him.
So he has to ask you again or say it again.

Let him see how that feels.

Just notice if you tend to jump to answer him straightaway but he makes you 'beg' by having to ask him things twice or three times.

It's subtle but it's a way that dominance is reinforced between couples.

Depends on the rest of your relationship and if you want to salvage it - either call him out on it that they were in his own pot, or if he has form for this type of behaviour, call his bluff by getting rid of the keys ( carefully so no one breaks in using them) say you’ve looked everywhere, clearly they’re missing and you need a locksmith. Then leave it with him to look/ sort. You know you didn’t move them to the pot, so don’t eentertain the drama he’s creating - stick to your guns.

Shove the penpot up his arse.

I wouldn’t have played this game of finding something I hadn’t moved. How many hours did you waste looking for them while your nasty husband ignored you?

Wtf is a pen pot ? Bet he liked playing post office as a kid

@Prelapsarianhag .
You beat me to it!

Get a locksmith out and get a new lock and when he asks why, give him a extra long stare and say because some one hid the keys. Let him realise you think it was him without actually saying it. Fuck that shit. Nip this behaviour in the bud real quick.

Surely this is the only sensible response?

Nah, you've married an asshole.

I'd suggest that you make alternative arrangements for accommodation. And take the fucking keys with you.