Feel down about something that happened

[littlemeg11]

Been with DP for a couple of years now, mostly happy together, although there have been a few little arguments about things.

But..something happened recently which I cannot seem to shake off. It comes back to me often, and admittedly makes me sometimes cry when I recall it.

We were away for a weekend around 3 months ago when, out of nowhere (we were having a normal conversation) he hurt me. I don't want to go into much further detail than that, but it was unprovoked, unexpected and took my breath away. It hurt me. It could have potentially broken a bone. It literally came out of nowhere.

He could see I was in pain and I cried, he did apologise and cuddle me afterwards and we have both never mentioned it again. But I cannot stop thinking about it. I don't know what I want from this post really. I have never told a soul about any of this and I'm not going to either. I just needed to write it down I think :(

Yes
and he planned it while you were away, that would be intentional.

is there any evidence you can give the police?

you must leave OP. He is capable of killing you.

This is absolutely terrifying.

Firstly, I’m so sorry you went through that. ‘Dissonance’ is a term that might describe some of the conflicting feelings you’re experiencing right now. In the context of your situation, dissonance would be the clash between your feelings of love or trust for the person and the painful reality of the abuse. It might manifest as confusion, self-doubt, or feeling torn between conflicting emotions. Just remember, it’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions, and seeking support can help you navigate these feelings.

It doesn't sound like you have processed these emotions yet so I would recommend that you prepare a bag so that if ever happens again you can leave immediately to give yourself space. And if possible try and find some counseling.

When I was occasionally able to look at or post on Mumsnet, when my then husband was away and not literally looking over my shoulder, I was where you are @littlemeg11 . It took all my courage to ask a question (even more courage because I knew that if I was asking the question I already knew the answer), feeling unsure about the whole thing, then reading those answers, thinking "but ...". Now I am on the other side, I look back at how I was and I want to do my utmost to help other women not go through any of what I and so many others went through.

I know most if not all of the replies you've had will be very hard to hear @littlemeg11 but please know that we're not saying LTB as if it's adding beans to your shopping list. We know how hard it can be, even if you're not living together, it's extremely difficult to do what is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Please consider at least contacting Women's Aid, they will not rush you to do anything you're not ready to do, but most importantly they will advise how to keep yourself as safe as you can.

How are you, op?