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Original poster

Not sexually attracted

80 replies

Calypso45 · 30/07/2023 08:08

My husband has said he loves me but he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. He said any time we hold hands or do anything affectionate he just feels guilty. What on earth do I do with that? Feeling lost and confused.

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 30/07/2023 08:09

You divorce, sorry x

Zanatdy · 30/07/2023 09:50

That would be the end for me, he’s told you how he feels, how can you come back from that?

CapEBarra · 30/07/2023 10:15

Sounds like The Cheater’s Script - the first line of which is ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you…’ Has his behaviour changed in any other way? Excessive time on the phone, more attention to his physical appearance, buying new clothes? Stupid expressions for no reason? That sort of thing?

Devilsmommy · 30/07/2023 10:17

Sorry but I'd be ending this so fast, find someone who does want you instead of being with someone who blatantly doesn't. What a nob!

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/07/2023 10:22

Zanatdy · 30/07/2023 09:50

That would be the end for me, he’s told you how he feels, how can you come back from that?

This. And as others have said, it sounds like stage one of the cheaters script op. Really sorry. Get organised - get rid

Shapemyeyebrows · 30/07/2023 10:34

@Calypso45 the fact he used the words “feeling guilty” would make me think there’s someone else. A strange term to use if it’s just he’s lost sexual attraction. Regardless though, I personally wouldn’t be able to come back from these comments.

Whattodo112222 · 30/07/2023 10:36

The script OP. Divorce.

pendleflyer · 30/07/2023 10:41

Devilsmommy · 30/07/2023 10:17

Sorry but I'd be ending this so fast, find someone who does want you instead of being with someone who blatantly doesn't. What a nob!

On the basis of info given, he is not a nob at all.
He's being honest, sad as it is for both parties.

pendleflyer · 30/07/2023 10:42

Shapemyeyebrows · 30/07/2023 10:34

@Calypso45 the fact he used the words “feeling guilty” would make me think there’s someone else. A strange term to use if it’s just he’s lost sexual attraction. Regardless though, I personally wouldn’t be able to come back from these comments.

I would imagine he means that he feels guilty when things get intimate as he's not really present - feels like a fraud.
sorry to hear this OP.

yellowflowerss · 30/07/2023 10:43

Why does he feel guilty?

Original poster
Calypso45 · 30/07/2023 10:55

I’m not sure why he feels guilty, we have a baby and just bought a house.

doubtful he’s cheating as he is depressed. Not looking after himself at all.

OP posts:
Wheredoistart78 · 30/07/2023 11:00

It's the end for you both op. I've gone off someone in the same way and eventually being intimate with them was just awful. I've also been in your shoes.

It doesn't change.

You'll likely waste a number of years now blaming his depression and hoping he'll come out of it and fancy you again.

He won't.

I think he feels guilty because he knows how he feels.

GreyCarpet · 30/07/2023 11:36

Wheredoistart78 · 30/07/2023 11:00

It's the end for you both op. I've gone off someone in the same way and eventually being intimate with them was just awful. I've also been in your shoes.

It doesn't change.

You'll likely waste a number of years now blaming his depression and hoping he'll come out of it and fancy you again.

He won't.

I think he feels guilty because he knows how he feels.

Once you've lost sexual attraction for someone it doesn't really come back.

Neither of you has done anything wrong (unless he's cheating - which is often but certainly not always the case). People can't help or control this feeling. Lots of people 'go off' someone without there being another person involved. It's worse to go on pretending IMO.

I also suspect his guilt comes from wanting to feel as he used to but just not doing so anymore. It feels deceitful to feel like that an continue showing affection.

GreyCarpet · 30/07/2023 11:36

Meant to say, I agree with the quoted post!

Monkeylimas · 30/07/2023 11:39

Sounds like ILYBINILWY - Cheaters are often depressed. Their poor choices and actions make them feel like a shitbag. They want to feel like a good person and require external validation - hence they break their own moral code and boundaries and allow themselves to cheat. This cognitive dissonance causes depression (unsurprisingly) and eventually they blame you hence ILY…

Dubuem · 30/07/2023 11:52

The Pilot episode of 'I'm Seeing Someone Else'. It's up to you how long you let the series run.

Original poster
Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 20:03

You were right he is cheating.

what do I do now?

OP posts:
StorminanDcup · 26/08/2023 20:10

Sorry OP my exh did something similar, trying to play down our relationship, make out we weren’t compatible etc - of course he was having an affair.

Personally I asked him to leave and I eventually divorced him and met someone else.

It is really hard though, especially if you’ve got a young family.

YoSof · 26/08/2023 20:11

What an absolute cunt.

You kick him out and see a solicitor, you take good care of yourself, surround yourself with good people and look forward to a life without this scumbag x

quietnightmare · 26/08/2023 20:15

Are you 100 percent certain by finding out yourself or is it something he's told you just because he wants to break up(doubtful I know).

What do you want?
Can you forgive?
If you can then therapy etc
If not in true mumsnet fashion get your ducks in a row
Self care is the main thing you need to do here and make your decision when you are calmer and level headed
This is bloody awful for you
Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Buy him out?
Do you have friend and family to speak to in real life

Globules · 26/08/2023 20:15

You get rid.

I understand you're feeling crap right now, but contact a solicitor when they open on Tuesday and go from there.

Wishing you well.

Dery · 26/08/2023 20:20

“What an absolute cunt.

You kick him out and see a solicitor, you take good care of yourself, surround yourself with good people and look forward to a life without this scumbag x”

This.

foolishone · 26/08/2023 20:33

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 20:03

You were right he is cheating.

what do I do now?

You do what you want and what's right for you. For most that will be splitting and that's probably what you need to do.

MsDogLady · 26/08/2023 20:47

So sorry, @Calypso45. Flowers

How did you find out that he’s been a low-life cheater all along?

What to do? Tell him you’ve lost all respect for him and send him packing. See a solicitor and file for divorce. Set up a co-parenting arrangement that works for you and the baby, and handle the details through email.

Have you told your loved ones, @Calypso45? Keep posting here for support.

Saraooo · 26/08/2023 20:49

Don't see everyone is being so harsh on the husband. The are multiple threads on here where women feel the sane way and no one any eye lid.

Swipe left for the next trending thread