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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sexually attracted

80 replies

Calypso45 · 30/07/2023 08:08

My husband has said he loves me but he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. He said any time we hold hands or do anything affectionate he just feels guilty. What on earth do I do with that? Feeling lost and confused.

OP posts:
rollonretirementfgs · 26/08/2023 20:53

Saraooo · 26/08/2023 20:49

Don't see everyone is being so harsh on the husband. The are multiple threads on here where women feel the sane way and no one any eye lid.

See OP's update!

Nelly10 · 26/08/2023 21:11

It’s unbelievable isn’t it, they are always cheating!

Sorry op, kick him out and file for divorce.

communication through email only for childcare arrangements.

Take care of yourself x

justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/08/2023 21:31

Aw shit. So sorry OP. What an absolute pig!

You divorce him OP, that's what you do! Gather all important documents and see a solicitor first thing.

How did you find out? 💐

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 21:54

I found out on the baby monitor. He said he felt unwell and had to lie down. I took the baby out and the monitor went off loads so I went to turn it off and he was watching videos of them in bed while he’s been working away. Or is he working away?

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/08/2023 21:57

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 21:54

I found out on the baby monitor. He said he felt unwell and had to lie down. I took the baby out and the monitor went off loads so I went to turn it off and he was watching videos of them in bed while he’s been working away. Or is he working away?

What do you mean watching videos of them? How could you tell through a baby monitor?

Zanatdy · 26/08/2023 22:04

What an arse. You’ve had a baby and bought a house. Why? Why do these men do this? I feel for you OP. I’d throw him out, be firm and tell him its over (if that’s what you want?)

MsDogLady · 26/08/2023 22:08

What a horrific discovery, @Calypso45. I would not be able to come back from that.

He’s a nasty piece of work…and a terrible father.

What did he have to say for himself?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 26/08/2023 22:08

Not good

I’m sorry x

Greenwitchhorse · 26/08/2023 22:12

Don't t allow him to mess with your head like this. This relationship is over, divorce him. He is not worth your time or energy. A cheat and a coward who will try to blame you for his behaviour.

MsDogLady · 26/08/2023 22:14

I hope you’ve already sent him away. He has grievously injured you. You don’t need his toxic presence in your space while processing your thoughts and feelings.

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 22:38

It’s got a really good camera and I saw he was watching something sexual. Then saw his face

OP posts:
MamaWingsIt · 26/08/2023 22:59

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 22:38

It’s got a really good camera and I saw he was watching something sexual. Then saw his face

Are you sure it was him watching himself & OW and he wasn't watching porn?

Sorry, had to ask. So, so sorry for what you are going through. Sending strength

MsDogLady · 26/08/2023 23:06

Have you confronted him yet, @Calypso45?

Calypso45 · 26/08/2023 23:38

Just checked his phone and he has been fucking people since I was pregnant.

just this new one has said she loves him so he has decided to break up with me

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 27/08/2023 01:28

@Calypso45, he’s a sleazy pig who has treated you and his sweet baby like trash. Yes, this is a traumatic blow and you will grieve, but you will recover and soar without this germ contaminating your life.

Gather strength from your baby and loved ones. Consult a solicitor asap and file for divorce.

Calypso45 · 27/08/2023 01:53

What proof do I need?

OP posts:
foolishone · 27/08/2023 07:26

Calypso45 · 27/08/2023 01:53

What proof do I need?

You don't need any proof to be able to divorce him.

sodthesodoff · 27/08/2023 07:28

To divorce? You don't need any proof.

How are you? Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Find your anger. There are some very knowledgable people on here about getting your ducks in a row.

Morewineplease10 · 27/08/2023 09:11

Get screenshots if you can. Otherwise he may deny/try to gaslight you further down the line.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

If he's self employed get as much info/docs as you can. Get his pension info.

Please tell someone in 'real life'. You need support, it's so shocking.

Loads of us have been where you are now and can say you will be OK although that's the last thing you feel now.

Morewineplease10 · 27/08/2023 09:13

Screenshots for your own sanity and so he knows he can't lie about it to other people.

WunWun · 27/08/2023 09:15

You don't need any proof at all, just file for divorce. Get legal advice.

WunWun · 27/08/2023 09:15

Don't mess around with screenshots. It doesn't matter who he tells what to. You know the truth.

SittingOnTheChair · 27/08/2023 09:17

You don't need proof.

You just need to divorce him.

Calypso45 · 27/08/2023 09:21

He earns in a week more than I do in a month. He has his own company. He has been fucking multiple women since before I was pregnant. Maybe our whole relationship. My whole adult life is lie. He does drugs and spends all his money on sex and drugs.

OP posts:
Calypso45 · 27/08/2023 09:21

hes given me an sti and gaslit me to say it must have been me

OP posts: